The missionary position is the bread and butter of romantic escapades, often seen as the beginner’s guide to intimacy. It’s straightforward and comforting, like an old favorite song that everyone knows the words to. This position is the starting point for many, an introduction to the dance of romance without any complicated footwork. Its simplicity makes it a classic, but that doesn’t stop it from being the butt of many jokes, adding a dash of humor to its dependable nature.
Missionary position jokes are like the secret seasoning that adds a bit of zest to this otherwise plain dish. They’re the whispers and giggles shared between close friends, playfully teasing the predictability and vanilla essence of the position. These jokes aren’t about being crude; they’re about highlighting the fun and sometimes silly side of a situation that’s often taken too seriously. It’s about finding humor in the mundane, a reminder that even in the most intimate moments, laughter is always welcome. So, let’s lighten up and share a chuckle, because life – and love – shouldn’t always be taken so seriously.
Best Missionary Position Jokes
Why do most men like the missionary position for sex?
Most men hate f*cking up.
Why is it called the missionary position?
Because you can deliver the s*men on the mount!
There is a couple that has been married for 25 years. The wife booked an appointment because of some issues they have been having. At the session, she divulges some of the weird quirks that her husband has had for 25 years that are driving her nuts.
First off, he works for 12+ hours a day and even when he is home, he keeps working. Secondly, he blows his nose CONSTANTLY! like a few times every hour. Lastly, when they have sex, he will only ever do missionary positions. She has tried getting him to do other things in bed but to no avail. She says something has to give because she feels disconnected.
It is now the husband’s turn to talk. He says, “Well I am just doing what my father told me to do all these years…work hard, keep your nose clean, and don’t f*ck up.”
What’s your favorite sexual position?
“Mine’s reverse missionary—where I pin you down and tell you god’s not real.”
Why did the church hire a prostitute?
Her résumé said “missionary position.”
Friend 1: I just found out why the missionary position is called missionary….
Friend 2: Why does everything literally circle back to colonizers?
Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking.
Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and says, “I miss my missus, but when we make love it’s always the same”. Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks “How’s that?” “We always use the old missionary position” the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says “If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position”. The cowboy says “What’s that?”
“Well, you start off doggie style, behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, “Yep feels just like your sister”, and then hold on for dear life.”
Why was the missionary position called missionary?
That’s how missionaries slept.
Blonde, brunette, and redhead in an OB-GYN office. The brunette says her kid will be a priest because she likes the missionary position.
The redhead says her kid will be a construction worker because she likes it piledriver style.
The blonde bursts into tears, and cries, “Oh no, I’m having puppies!”
What do you call two fat people when mating?
Missionary impossible.
What’s a nun’s favorite position?
Missionary!
A guy at the bar asks, “What’s your wife’s favorite position?
My wife’s favorite position is the missionary position. That’s when she’s on her back in bed…and I’m in Africa.
What’s a Mormon’s favorite coitus position?
You’d probably think it’s missionary, but I’m pretty sure they’d try the back door if they had the chance.
“Go hang out with your friends, talk to them, listen to their thoughts about alternative love-making methods, and then come home to me,” the wife tells her husband, who is bored of having it only in the missionary style.
The spouse walks around the neighborhood, talks to his friends, becomes enlightened, and returns home pumped. “Woman, woman, woman! Come on in, I learned a new style today, so let’s give it a shot!” The woman is overjoyed that her husband has picked it up so quickly, so they go into the bedroom and have sex. “However, this was a missionary…”, the wife explains.
“This is carpenter style,” the husband responds, “didn’t you notice the pencil behind my ear?”
Why do rednecks only have missionary sex?
Because they refuse to turn their back on Family.
What’s a priest’s favorite sex position?
Missionary.
When a missionary is living with a tribe in the jungle, the tribe’s chief approaches him one day and says, “You’re the only white man in this town, and now my daughter has a white child! Prepare to perish unless you explain yourself!”
The missionary pauses for a moment before responding, “Nature is full of marvels. Take a look at those sheep on the other side of the fence. With the exception of one black lamb, they’re entirely white.”
“If you keep quiet, I’ll keep quiet as well,” the Chief says.
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Why did the prostitute join the Mormon church?
She wanted a raise for being good at missionary position.
What did the Russian policeman say to the prostitute?
“Pay the fine. Just because you spend most of your time in the missionary position, doesn’t make you a missionary.”
How does a Dolphin get his woman to work in a missionary position?
Flipper.
I once met a missionary.
He described the position as “interesting.”
What did the naive husband do when the wife asked him to do missionary?
He went to Africa.
What skills do Christian hookers have?
Being good at missionary positions.
“The supper is fantastic,” my mother-in-law exclaimed. She inquired, “How did you do this turkey?”
When I said “missionary position,” I don’t think she was amused.
Why was the missionary position called missionary?
Cause it was discovered by the missionaries.
When she is already screaming in the missionary position and then you put her legs on your shoulder to get deeper and end her life…
She died, leave her….she is already dead.
What is a revolution in the world of love-making?
Going from missionary to doggy in the same session.
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What is the synonym of boring?
Missionary position.
Name one thing that Covid has taken away that we’ll never get back?
The missionary position without a mask on!
Keep an eye on this space as we are going to keep updating these missionary position jokes and puns for you!
