How do you cook a turkey?
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Here are the 20 easy steps to cook a Turkey:
1. Go and buy a turkey.
2. Take a drink of whisky (scotch or bourbon).
3. Put turkey in the oven.
4. Take another two drinks of whisky.
5. Set the degree at 180 ovens.
6. Take three more whiskies of drink.
7. Turn oven the on.
8. Take four whisks of drinky.
9. Turk the bastey.
10. Whisky another bottle of get.
11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
12. Glass yourself a pour of whisky.
13. Bake the whisky for four hours.
14. Take the oven out of the turkey.
15. Take the oven out of the turkey.
16. Floor the turkey up off the pick.
17. Turk the carvey.
18. Get yourself another scottle of botch.
19. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
20. Bless the saying, pass and eat out.
This humorous set of instructions is a parody of a typical recipe, but it comically focuses on the consumption of whisky rather than the actual preparation of the turkey. The joke is that as the cook consumes more alcohol, their ability to follow the cooking process deteriorates. The steps become increasingly nonsensical and jumbled, with words like “whisky” and “turkey” getting mixed up (“whisky another bottle of get” instead of “get another bottle of whisky”), indicating the cook’s growing inebriation. The humor also comes from the absurdity of the actions described, such as “take the oven out of the turkey” instead of taking the turkey out of the oven, and the final step where the cook is supposed to “bless the saying, pass and eat out,” which is a muddled version of saying grace and eating the meal. It’s a playful reminder of how alcohol can impair one’s ability to perform tasks, in this case, cooking a holiday meal.