What is the 'Dave knows everyone' joke?
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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Biden,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Biden spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'”
The joke revolves around Dave’s outrageous claim that he knows “everyone there is to know,” a boast that his boss initially finds hard to believe. To prove it, Dave takes his boss on a whirlwind tour, meeting celebrities and high-profile figures like Tom Cruise and President Biden, each of whom treats Dave like an old friend. The climax of the joke occurs at the Vatican, where Dave even appears on a balcony with Pope Francis. The punchline comes when Dave’s boss has a heart attack, not because Dave actually knows the Pope, but because a stranger in the crowd wonders who the Pope is standing next to Dave. The humor lies in the absurdity and reversal of expectations: it’s not Dave’s familiarity with the Pope that shocks the boss, but rather the implication that Dave is even more famous than the Pope.