What is the Little Johnny Thanksgiving Joke?
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Little Johnny was so excited because the family was coming over to celebrate Thanksgiving but mom and dad were in their bedroom arguing. Dad yells, “You bitch! Mom yells back, “You bastard!” And stomps downstairs to the kitchen.
Johnny goes into their bedroom afterward and asks, “Daddy, what does ‘bitch and bastard’ mean?” Dad says, “It means boys and girls, now go downstairs to the kitchen to help your mom!”
Johnny goes downstairs to his mom and she’s cutting the turkey and accidentally cuts herself and screams, “F*ck!” Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, what does ‘f*ck’ mean?” Mom replies, “It means cutting the turkey, now go run upstairs to see if your dad needs anything.”
Dad is in the bathroom shaving and cuts his face and yells, “Shit!” Johnny asks, “Daddy what does ‘shit’ mean? Dad replies, “It means taking the shaving cream out of the eye!”
The doorbell rings and little Johnny runs downstairs with excitement and swings open the door standing there are grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, and all the cousins.
Little Johnny beaming with pride says, “Hello Bitches and Bastards! My dad is taking the Shit out of his eye and my mom is F*cking the turkey!”
Little Johnny returns to school after Thanksgiving break.
The teacher asks the class if anyone had an experience they learned from over the vacation. The first child raises their hand and says, “I spilled my milk at dinner and I learned not to cry over spilled milk.” The teacher says very good and calls on Little Johnny next. Johnny launches into a story, ” One time in Vietnam my uncle was trapped behind enemy lines with nothing but a bottle of whiskey, an M16 with 30 bullets, and a bayonet surrounded by 50 enemy troops. First, he drank the whole bottle then shot 30 men then stabbed the last 20 with his bayonet and walked back to his camp.” The whole class was stunned into silence. Finally, the teacher gets her wits about her and says to Johnny, “That was an amazing story, but what lesson did you learn from that?”
Little Johnny replies, “Don’t f*ck with my uncle when he’s been drinking.”