50 Funny Amazon Jokes And Puns for Prime-Time Humor

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Jessica Amlee

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Amazon, the behemoth e-commerce platform, is more than just an online shopping hub. It’s a phenomenon that has profoundly changed our buying habits. Founded by the visionary Jeff Bezos, Amazon’s omnipresence in our lives has made it a popular subject of humor. Jokes about this e-commerce giant often revolve around our shared experiences, such as the thrill of spotting an Amazon delivery van or the self-reproach after an impulsive late-night shopping spree.

These Amazon jokes capture the essence of our love-hate relationship with online shopping, and how the convenience of Prime can sometimes lead us into the temptation of retail therapy. So, whether you’re an occasional Amazon shopper or a die-hard Prime member, these jokes are bound to resonate with the Amazon experience we’ve all come to know.

Best Amazon Jokes

Little Johnny ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today
He’ll let us know.

Who runs Mexican Amazon?
Jeff Pesos.

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.

Did you hear Jeff Bezos is buying Crunchyroll?
He is renaming it to Amazon Weeb Services.

Have you ever tried to look up lighters on Amazon?
All they have was 13,749 matches.

The ad in the paper said, “You think you’re funny? Tell us your best pun, and you’ll win a $200 Amazon gift card!”
Well, this comedian just couldn’t resist. He sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of his best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. He sent his list of comedy gold to the paper and then began daydreaming about what he would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! He scanned, and then carefully read the full page of submissions, but the truth stared him in the face. Of his submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.

What do you call when Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together?
Amazon Web Services.

What did they use to set off the Amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.

Did you hear that Mike Tyson just got a job at Amazon?
He just really wanted to be a professional boxer again.

Why shouldn’t you order hay for your horse off Amazon?
After a couple of days, they’ll ask for your feed back.

What’s a warning if you’re buying a watch on Amazon?
If it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.

Little Johnny was binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let him watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.
Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

Did you hear about the reported stolen Amazon package?
The police are still looking for a prime suspect.

What do you call when an Amazon employee is on maternity leave?
They are out for delivery.

How Amazon’s acquisition of Whole Foods really went down?
Bezos: Alexa, buy me olives from Whole Foods.
Alexa: Sure, buying all of Whole Foods.
Bezos: Crap.

Did you hear about the wife didn’t order anything from Amazon on Prime Day?
So the courier guy knocked on the door to check if the family were ok.

Recommended: Prime Day Memes

What’s the derivative of Amazon?
Amazon Prime.

What’s the number one item shipped by Amazon?
Cardboard boxes.

Why Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause?
It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around Christmas, and is very eager for our cookies.

Did you hear about an amputee who found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon?
It was secondhand.

What’s the difference between Kevin McCarthy and Amazon Alexa?
One’s a speaker that runs the house and the other is a congressman.

What’s another name for Best Buy?
The Amazon Showroom.

Little Johnny saw a book on Amazon titled “How to Solve 50% of your life’s problems.”
Naturally, he ordered two copies.

How do Australians order monkies?
Amazon Prime, mate.

In 2019, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos did get divorced from his wife.
Rumors suggest that attempts to re-Kindle Fire into their relationship failed.

Recommended: Funny Supply Chain Jokes

Did you hear about the kid who ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank?
He has no words to describe how angry he is.

What’s the problem with jokes about Amazon Prime?
Most just f*ck up the delivery.

What’s so great about Amazon getting approval for drone delivery?
We now have skeet shooting with prizes.

What is Megatron’s least favorite streaming service?
Amazon Prime.

Why did Amazon name its drone delivery service Amazon Prime Air?
Because the name Dropbox is already taken.

What do you call the leader of Amazon Cooking?
Chef Bezos.

A man bought a sail for his boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on him that it’s not the right size so he called to cancel. They said it’s too late.
That sail has shipped.

What’s Amazon’s favorite sport?

What if Amazon opened a steak house?
They would serve Prime Rib.

Have you heard that Amazon’s servers are down in Egypt?
It’s a deNile of service attack.

Amazon has come up with a new service where they will deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours of ordering.
It’s called Tailor Swift.

How does the pope pay for his Amazon orders?

What do you get when you cross Jeff Bezos and Les Claypool?
Amazon Primus.

Why do dinosaurs pay for Amazon Shipping?
Because they lived in a land before Prime.

Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn’t expensive, but the shipping might have costed him an arm and a leg.

Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?
Because it was de-livered.

Why did Amazon Prime temporarily change its name to Amazon Rime?
Because it needed a P break.

What shoes do workers at Amazon warehouses and fulfillment centers wear?

Where do monkeys do their online shopping?

Did you hear about the order of a deck of cards from Amazon?
Two weeks later it hasn’t arrived and customer service told they’re dealing with it.

Why should abortion never be illegal?
Even Amazon gives an option of canceling an order made by mistake.

Java you ever ordered a vault and a speaker from Amazon?
They arrive safe and sound.

What did Descartes say while shopping online?
“I think therefore I Amazon.”

Have you ever ordered some pills from Amazon Prime to help sex go faster?
Comes real quick.

How do you know the razor blade works?
When there are no reviews for it on Amazon.

What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer?
Amazon Prime.

A hooker starts a job at an Amazon warehouse, and her bosses give her a bonus starting pay.
She had previous package handling experience.

Do you have a funny Amazon joke? Write down your own Amazon puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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