Cars are like big, metal pets that eat fuel, make weird noises, and sometimes refuse to start when you’re already late. They take us places, help us look cool, and occasionally remind us that parallel parking is a skill only a few possess. And let’s be honest—without them, road trips would just be long, exhausting walks. That’s why people love sharing car jokes; laughter is the best way to deal with an engine light that won’t turn off.
Some jokes make fun of bad drivers, while others poke fun at the car troubles we all face. Ever had a GPS lead you straight to a dead end? That’s prime comedy material! Whether it’s about speeding, parking fails, or that one friend who treats every red light like a friendly suggestion, Car Jokes prove that even traffic jams can be funny if you’re not the one stuck in them!

Best Car Jokes

What color can unlock a car?
Khaki.

What will happen if you have a wooden car with wooden engine and wooden wheels?
It wooden start.

If you run in front of a car you’ll get tired.
But if you run behind the car you’ll get exhausted.

How do two German car enthusiast cowboys greet each other?
“Audi, partner!”

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Cargo.
(Cargo who?)
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it’s kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called “Radiator Springs.”
That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.

Why did the car have a belly ache?
Because it had gas.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside the capital. Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”
“Terrorists have kidnapped the entire Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations.”
“How much is everyone giving, on average?” the driver asks.
The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”

What’s a car’s weakest part?
It is the nut holding the steering wheel.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.
Instead I just swam for the surface.

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell
They come with an Elon Musk.

Yo mama so fat, she sat on my couch and the airbags went off in my car.

When is a car not a car?
When its turning into a driveway.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car” The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”
The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”
The father responded, “Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”

How do you get a dozen Americans out of a car?
Tell them to stay inside the car.

Do Transformers get car insurance or health insurance?
Nether. They’re immigrants in America.

What do you call it when a non-binary guitar renter gets into a car crash?
A gender bender fender lender fender bender.

Yo mama so fat, I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

Why did the elephant buy a new car?
Not enough trunk space!

What’s the difference between Elon Musk and a lemur?
Elon Musk made an electric car. Lemurs Madagascar.

Why is it called INDYCAR?
Because “out of de car” racing would not be very entertaining.

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive.
when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. The truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.
When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded Kevin, “Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!”
He then went to Kevin’s car and cut up its leather seats.
When he turned around, Kevin had a slight grin on his face, so the driver said, “Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!”
He gets a bat out of his truck and breaks every window in Kevin’s car. When he turns and looks at Kevin, he has a smile on his face.
The driver is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all its tires.
Now Kevin is laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of petrol, pours it on Kevin’s car, and sets it on fire.
He turns around and Kevin is laughing so hard he is about to fall down.
“What’s so funny?” the truck driver asked.
Kevin replied, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!!”

A dad is washing the car with his son.
After a moment, the son asks his father, “Do you think we could use a sponge instead?”

What three letter word starts with gas?
Car.

What cars do sheep like to drive?
Su baaaa ru.

Who has the most worthless job in the world?
The guy who installs signal lights on BMW cars.

Matthew McConaughey’s car can’t make left turns.
It just goes all right, all right, all right.

Today CEO of a company came into the office in a brand new BMW. “Nice car”, his employee complimented him.
“Well”, the CEO said, “if you put in enough time, effort, and dedication, and work as hard as you can then next year I’ll have even a better car.”

Why did Apple drop plans to make cars?
After many analysis and researches, Apple came to the conclusion that cars require windows.

What do cars put on their toast?
Traffic jam.

At what temperature does car engines work best at?
Vroom temperature.

What do you call it when Tom Cruise drives your car?
Cruise control.

Why would you take a car door with you to the desert?
If you get hot you could roll the window down.

What kind of makeup do women race car drivers wear?
Nascara.

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway.
The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, “Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?”
The old lady responds, “I was just going the posted speed limit!” and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, “That’s not the speed limit sign, that’s the sign for this highway — Route 20!”
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, “We tried to tell you, Eugenia!”
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
“What’s the matter?” the cop asks.
She responds, “We just came off of Interstate 190.”

What did Harry Potter say filling up his car?
Expensive Petroleum!

What sound does a witch’s car make?
Broom broom.

What kind of car does a Viking drive?
A Fjord Explorer.

With the rise in self-driving cars,
It is only a matter of time until there is a country song were a guy’s truck leaves him.

What did the red car say to the blue car?
“Beep.”

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving.
The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!”
The drunk says “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”

What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
The porcupine’s pricks are on the outside.

What cars do sheeple drive?
Lamborghinis.

What’s the worst part of Soviet cars?
They’re always Stalin.

Did you know that a dinosaur was the first person to buy a Toyota hybrid car?
it was a priustoric event.

What kind of fuel goes in a cop car?
Patroleum.

Four engineers get into a car. The car won’t start.
The mechanical engineer says, “It’s a broken starter”
The electrical engineer says, “Dead battery”
The chemical engineer says, “Impurities in the gasoline”
The IT engineer says, “Hey guys, I have an idea, how about we all get out of the car and get back in.”

There’s been a guy going around stealing the wheels off of cop cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

What do you get when you mix a car, a fly, and a pet?
A flying carpet.

What kind of car does an egg drive?
A yolkswagen.

What do you call a Spanish guy who lost his car?
Carlos.

What do you call sleeping in your car?
A-Ford-able Housing.

Which phone company despises a certain car brand?
No kia.

A man comes back to the dealer with his new car and says, “My car doesn’t work at night!”
The technician replies, “Can I have the keys and try it?”
“Yes!” the man hands them over.
The technician tests everything—turning the lights on first, then starting the car, then reversing the order. The car starts fine both ways and doesn’t stall when the lights are on. He hands the keys back.
“If it doesn’t work at night, next time, we’ll take it back as a lemon and get you another car,” the technician assures him.
A few days later, the man returns.
“The car still doesn’t work at night!” he insists.
“When you turn the key to start it, what sound does it make?” the technician asks.
“The engine starts, but when I step on the gas, it doesn’t go forward! It just sits there and makes more noise!”
“Can I sit in the passenger seat and have you show me how you drive at night?”
“Sure!” the man agrees.
They get in the car. The man turns the key, then pulls the gear lever to N.
The technician raises an eyebrow. “Why did you put it in ‘Neutral’?”
“Neutral? Is that what ‘N’ stands for?” the man asks, confused.
“Yes…” the technician replies slowly.
“I thought ‘D’ was for Day and ‘N’ was for Night!”
Later, in the repair log, the technician writes: “Problem solved: Found loose nut behind wheel.”

What is the similarity between not paying the exorcist and your car loan?
Both cases end up repossessed.

Driving a manual car can be tough at first.
You just have to stick with it, eventually it becomes automatic.

What do you do if you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man.

What type of pasta always gets locked out of its car?
Gnocchi.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
An ambulance.

Which drug makes it easier to turn your car?
Steer-roids.

Why did the child cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt when the car crashed.

Chuck Norris parks his car in a no-parking zone to buy some groceries. When he returns to his car, he sees a cop standing there. “Is that your car?” he asks.
“Yes, what‘s the problem?” asks Chuck.
The cop points at the big no-parking sign and says, “Sorry Sir, it looks like we put that sign in the wrong place.”

When is a car, not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.

What car manufacturer is the most crooked?
Bentley.

Did you hear about the car they invented that moves only when the driver is silent?
It goes without saying.

Why won’t Apple ever make a car?
Because it can’t have windows in it!

How do you top a car?
Tep on the brake, tupid.

Why should you never throw false teeth at a vehicle?
You might denture car.

What would we be if everyone in the entire country drove a pink car?
A pink carnation.

What did the tornado say to the car?
“Wanna go for a spin?!”

A blonde is having trouble selling her car. She tells her friend, “It has nearly 300,000 miles on it, and it’s difficult to sell to anyone.”
Her friend suggests, “I have a cousin who’s a mechanic. He can roll back the miles to make it easier to sell.”
A month goes by, and they run into each other again.
“Did you take your car to my cousin?” the friend asks.
“Yes, I did! He did a great job rolling back the mileage to around 30,000 miles.”
“So, were you able to sell it?” the friend asks.
The blonde shakes her head. “No! I would never sell a car with such low mileage. I’m keeping it for myself!”

What can you say about your car, but not your girlfriend?
She died last week, but I still use some of the parts.

What did the dad say when he put the car in reverse?
“Man, this takes me back.”

Recommended: Ford Jokes

Have you heard about Ford’s new electric coffee car?
It’s the Mach-E Auto.

What type of pants do you need to start a car?
Cargo pants.

How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.

What do kangaroos do when their car battery dies?
They jump-start it.

What do French people call a parking full of Porsche cars?
Un porcherie.

What kind of car exists in a mirrored universe?
ATOYOT A.

A snail walks into a car dealership and is immediately greeted by a salesman.
“I want your finest car,” says the snail.
So the salesman drives up in a brand new, pearl white fully loaded Rolls Royce.
The snail is very excited. “Excellent. Now before I pay for this car, is there something else you can do for me?”
The salesman is about to wet himself from the sweet commission he’s about to get. “What do you need?”
The snail replies, “I want you to take this black paint, and cover the entire car with hundreds of S’s.”
The man is flabbergasted. “But sir, that would look horrible…why would you want to defile such a beautiful and expensive car?”
The snail responded proudly, “When I’m driving down the street, I want people to stop, point at my car, and say ‘wow…look at that S car go!'”

If you had a time traveling car, how often would you drive it?
Time to time.

If a backseat driver became a car part, what would he be called?
The car-berator.

Recommended: Chevy Jokes

What do you call a really fast car in a fridge?
A refriger-racer.

Did you hear that Google has Chrome rims on all their cars?
I bet if Microsoft did it, they’d have a slight Edge.

Did you hear about the Canadian dinosaur who always crashed his cars?
They were Torontosaurus wrecks.

What do you call it when a duck steals a car?
A Quacker Jack.

What kind of car has a bellybutton?
An Audi.

A blonde woman is driving down the road.
She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”

What brand of car gets in the least number of accidents?
Dodge. But ironically, they also make the model that gets in the most accidents. The Ram.

What would you call several cars with five people in each of them going through a mountain?
Carpool tunnel syndrome.

What do race car drivers feed their kids?
Formula One!

Recommended: Racing Jokes

What did the car say after stopping at the gas station?
“I fuel better now!”

What do you call a creature that consumes automobiles?
Car-nivorous.

What do Nintendo cop cars sound like?
Wii-U Wii-U Wii-U.

Did you hear about the race car powered by fresh milk?
Before you know it, it’s pasteurize.

What do you do with a car whose wheels are completely worn out?
You re-tire it.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad.

Why did the man sleep under his car?
He wanted to get up oily in the morning.

What does a car take when it’s sick?
Petrol Bismol.