A race always brings out people’s competitive nature. Competition motivates us to work harder. The end result of winning is a prize that draws our attention to the journey that leads to it.
Whether it’s Formula 1 car racing or horse racing, the spirit is high among both participants and spectators. So if it’s tense around there, try cracking some Racing Jokes to calm everyone around you. After all, the champions always enjoy the last laugh.
Funny Racing Jokes
What reason did the F1 drivers give for stopping?
“Because Max has already won, so Verstappen.”
Have you heard the story about the man who got shot with a starter pistol?
Police think it is race-related.
Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R, and is related to a race?
Which race would you exterminate if you could?
800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long-distance.
Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?
Because it’s on F1.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?
Because he expecto’d Petronas.
What happens when two silk worms are in a race?
It ends in a tie.
Why don’t some really like watching F1 racing anymore?
Because they find F5 to be more refreshing.
Why did the fifth captain drop out of the sailing race?
He had a sense of four boating.
Why did the F1 Racer get electrocuted after finishing 1 lap?
Because he completed the circuit.
Why the F1 driver doesn’t get along with his crew?
He has thrust issues.
Her: What do you do?
He: I race cars.
Her: Do you win many races?
He: No, the cars are much faster.
What smells like bacon and goes 200mph?
Niki Lauda’s ear.
How do you become a Millionaire in racing?
Start as a Billionaire.
Why does it take so long for election results?
It’s a race between two men in their seventies.
Recommended: Election Jokes
What’s the difference between a presidential election and a NASCAR race?
In NASCAR they wear their sponsors on their shirts.
Did you hear about the race between the cabbage, the tomato, the gravy, and the egg?
At first, the cabbage was a head, but then the tomato found it could easily ketchup. The gravy kept running, and the egg got beaten.
Why don’t pencils win races?
Because they’re stationary.
Why do Formula one drivers stay healthy?
Because they breakfast.
How do you make a racing snail faster?
You can try taking its shell off but it will only make it more sluggish.
Why should they replace batons with clocks in relay races?
It would be a great way to pass the time.
Why did the mustard lose the race between sauces?
Because it couldn’t ketchup.
Did you hear about the recent race to send a cow to space?
The steaks will be higher than ever.
Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway & Sweden?
It ends at the Finnish line.
What do you call it when you lose a foot race?
Which part of a race car ruins your movie?
A physicist wagers on horse races.
The physicist decided to bet on horse races to make a living because he was unable to find a job. To gain more insight, he conducted extensive experimentation and used cutting-edge machine learning algorithms.
After filling many notebooks and accumulating a very large amount of data, he exclaims, “I have the solution, but it works only in the case of spherical horses of uniform density applying a uniform force in a closed system and a vacuum.”
Recommended: Physics Puns
What exactly is the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?
For one, you have to use a bicycle. For the other, you can use a race car.
Why does the Buddha sit crossed legged when racing cars?
To achieve a perfect lap.
How come there are no races at the zoo?
There are too many cheetahs.
What do you call a pit stop that sells crabs and pizza?
A crust station.
Did you hear about the child who accidentally swallowed a race car?
It’s fine, he just has some Indy-gestion.
What do you call when you narrowly lose a race to a female catholic?
You were second to nun.
What do parents give their babies if they want them to become future race car drivers?
What do you call a hot dog that won a race?
What would you call it if NASCAR ran their races in the opposite direction?
Alright alright alright.
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut.
Why was Aladdin banned from the magic carpet race?
He was caught using performance-enhancing rugs.
Why does the moon always lose when racing the sun?
Because night skies finish last.
A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race.
Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads Local nun has winning ass.
She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads Nun has the best ass in town.
The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seriously helping the church, so he tries to ignore it. After a regional win, the paper reads Nun shows the entire county her ass.
The priest decides this sort of publicity is too much and insists she sells the donkey. She puts up a few ads. The next day, the headline is Nun offers her ass for £50.
The priest insists she get rid of it quickly, so she makes it free to a loving home. Nun desperate for someone to own her ass.
A bishop realises the problem, and so offers to take the donkey. Bishop loves nun’s ass.
The priest faints.
Recommended: Butt Jokes
How did the Italian man win the race?
He ran pasta lot of people.
Why does Ben Shapiro hate NASCAR?
Because the cars only turn left.
How are all races the same?
Usually, the fastest guy wins.
Why did the snail paint a big red S on the side of his race car?
Because he wanted to hear everyone say, “Look at that S car go!”
What do we want?
Formula 1 noises.
When do we want them?
What kind of track does a clown car race on?
A laugh track.
Did you hear about the race between the Ascot and the Cravat?
It was a tie.
Did you hear about the guy who really loved car races?
He thought they were wheely cool.
Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.
Do you know why penguins would be amazing race car drivers?
Because they always start on the pole position.
Why did Simba lose the race?
He needed to Mufasta.
What do you call a race of Tunas?
The Daytuna 500.
What do you call a flower salesman?
A petal peddler.
What if he sold steel flowers?
A metal petal peddler.
What if he got a bicycle? A pedaling metal petal peddler.
What if he won a race? A medaling pedaling metal petal peddler.
What if he won by tricking others? A medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler.
What if he didn’t win by enough? A petty medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler.
What if he stood up to calls to disqualify him? A petty medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler with mettle.
What if this whole situation just made him sad and withdrawn, with no one to support him?
A pitiful petty medaling meddling pedaling metal petal peddler with mettle.
Who wins in a race between a bunny and a cat?
The bunny won by a hare.
Did you hear about the F1 driver who seized the day?
He ended up on the carpo dium.
Why does parsley grow so fast?
Because it’s always in a race against thyme.
What’s the similarity between a golfer and an F1 racer?
They’re both paid to drive.
How many NASCAR drivers does it take to destroy a jet dryer?
What happens when Windows makes an F1 Team?
What do you call someone who judges people based on whether or not they watch F1 racing?
Why are F1 pitstop crew members always yawning?
Their work is tyring.
Biden, Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to compete in a race to see who could sprint the fastest.
Trump sent first and finished in 23:34 minutes.
Clinton sent second and got it in 15:28 minutes.
Third went Obama who finished in 12 minutes.
Clinton sent fourth who finished in 10 seconds, believing he had won.
Until Bush did 9:11.
Who would win a race from California to Florida, two gay men or two lesbian women?
The lesbians because they left lickity split while the men are still packing their shit.
Recommended: Lesbian Puns
What have Formula 1 and women got in common?
Both are more interesting when they’re wet.
What is Drag race if horseracing is the sport of kings?
A sport for queens.
What’s the difference between a horny old man on his deathbed and a Formula 1 driver?
One does a fast lap.
What do you call two track runners in love?
A long distance relaytionship.
Why is it called INDYCAR?
Because “out of de car” racing would not be very entertaining.
What kind of makeup do women race car drivers wear?
Did you hear about the race car powered by fresh milk?
Before you know it, it’s pasteurize.
Which government wins the most races?
Did you hear about the pedophile that never could win a race?
He was always coming in a little behind.
Have a funny joke about Racing? Post your Race puns in the comment section below.