Chemistry jokes are what you get when science and silliness mix in the lab. Chemistry explains how stuff works, like why baking soda fizzles or how atoms make up everything, even your lunch. It’s full of strange names, exploding experiments, and a table that’s not for eating on, the Periodic Table.
Chemistry jokes turn all that science into laughs. Someone once stared at a beaker too long and ended up cracking a pun instead of the glass. Since then, these jokes have been sneaking into classrooms, making atoms and reactions way more fun than pop quizzes.
Best Chemistry Jokes
What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
“HeHe…”
What do you call a sp² hybridized fish?
A carbon-eel.
During Chemistry class, I learned that sulphur dioxide should never be poured into a metal container..
It’s just an oxidant waiting to happen.
Why didn’t the chemistry channel get any subscribers?
Because it only did reaction videos.
Student A: “Knock, knock.”
Student B: “Who’s there?”
Student A: “Aldehyde.”
Student B: “Aldehyde who?”
(Few moments of silence . . .)
Student C: “Hmmn, he’s gone. Must have been a leaving group.”
Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “OH SNaP”.
A chemist claimed he made a variant of boron sulfide that only uses one of each atom.
That’s BS if you ask me.
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla, and the floor melted.
Organic chemistry is difficult.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
Recommended: Science Jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she swallowed a magnet because she wanted to be more attractive.
H2O is water, and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.
Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong.
I don’t judge. Whatever floats your goat.
Why couldn’t the chemist laugh at the queens fart?
Because noble gases are nonreactive.
For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it’s in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.
A student raised his hand to answer.
Student: “No, it won’t dissolve, sir.”
Teacher: “Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?”
Student: “You’re so cheap, there’s no way you would’ve sacrificed that $20.”
It turns out the high school Chemistry teacher was right.
Alcohol IS a solution.
Why are chemists always happy in the lab?
They are in their element.
This one time in chemistry class the teacher threw the chalk at me and I yelled, “That’s assault!”
First and only merit mark he ever gave me, and I still don’t know why.
Why should you not drink water while studying?
Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.
That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.
Guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
What does a chemist say when his cat jumps into a pile of sand?
“Oh, you silicate”.
Recommended: Physics Jokes
Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms, and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid “A”. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.
They had a great time; however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.
They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.
The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.
“Cool,” they thought. “This is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?
Are you made from Na, selenium, and xenon?
Because you are sodium SeXe.
What did the Chemistry book say to the Math book?
“Man, you have a lot of problems.”
My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients
I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
Yo mama so ugly, not even fluorine would bond with her.
A father began homeschooling his son, and it was time to begin chemistry. The son asked, “Dad, why are you teaching me chemistry?”
The father responded, “Oh, I just thought it would be nice to have a little bonding time.”
A chemist has invented a laughing gas that’s also a laxative.
It was mostly for sh*ts and giggles
Chemistry Professor: “Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?”
Student: “No.”
Professor: “Good. And will you please tell us why not?”
Student: “If it would dissolve, you wouldn’t put it in.”
Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?
Student: I didn’t even know protons were Catholic.
Recommended: Periodic Table Jokes
How do you recognise chemistry students in the bathroom?
They wash their hands before they pee.
I did an experiment with oxygen and potassium once.
It went OK.
Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene?
Because it’s the Phenyl Chapter.
In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl, “Mary, what is H2SO4?”
“Oh god, this is so easy, why can’t I remember, it’s on the tip of my tongue.”
Quickly, Johnny says, “Then spit it out, that’s sulfuric acid!”
How often should you tell chemistry jokes?
Periodically.
There are two guys: Bob and Steve.
Bob is carving “Drink Coke” into a block of dry ice.
Steve asks, “Why are you carving ‘Drink Coke’ into that block of dry ice?”
Bob replies, “I just heard about this thing called subliminal advertising, and I thought I’d give it a try.”
Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab?
Because it will create pandamonium.
Did you hear about the racist chemist?
He recently joined the Potassium Potassium Potassium.
Why did the chemistry student add a page containing a lion, tiger, cheetah, jaguar, lynx and leopard to speed up the reaction in their experiment?
They added a cat list.
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here.” Helium doesn’t react!
What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn’t understand his Chemistry homework?
He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.
I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.
OMg
Recommended: Mole Day Jokes
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
Because there was no chemistry.
A young couple was seeing a therapist.
The wife says, “We just don’t have history anymore.”
The husband interrupts, “Honey, don’t you mean chemistry?”
The wife says, “There you go, changing the subject!”
What do a chemistry lesson and a night club have in common?
Someone drops the acid and someone drops the base.
Should I add Sodium to Hydrogen?
Nah.
Why is helium so expensive these days?
Because of all the inflation.
Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asked neutron, “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”
Neutron replied, “He was too negative to begin with.”
Why can’t iron oxide get a date?
Porque es FeO.
A biologist, chemist, and physicist were on vacation together in Hawaii.
They were usually in the lab all day so they finally decided to take a trip to the beach.
When they get to the beach, they all study something about the water.
The Biologist wanted to study the marine life so he jumps in the water and he disappears.
The Physicist wanted to study the waves so he jumps in the water and he also disappears.
Then, the Chemist, having observed all this, writes in her notebook, “Biologist and Physicist both soluble in water.”
The chemistry professor says to his students, “There’s deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?”
“Fast steps.”
What’s the difference between a math book and a chemistry book?
One has problems, and the other has solutions.
How a Chemist reads the alphabets?
A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon?
A mole.
Two men walk into a bar.
The first man orders some H2O.
The second says, “Sounds good, I’ll have some H2O too!”
The second man died.
What kind of dog does a chemist have?
A lab.
Why do nuns pray on their knees?
Because there’s no syn-elimination in the chair configuration.
If a black bear and a white bear fall in a lake, which one will dissolve first?
The white bear, because it’s polar!
Biology tells me you’re 70% water. Physics tells me that you’re 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you’re 60% oxygen.
But I’m telling you that you’re a 100% CUTIE!!!
What does a chemistry teacher say when a gold bar falls on his/her feet?
“Auuuuuuu!”
Just quit my job at the helium factory.
I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
A man was tracking down a chemistry teacher who owed him money.
He arrived at the school lab and found the teacher hiding behind a desk. The man reached for the nearest container, labeled CaCl2, threw it at the chemistry teacher, and yelled, “Where is my money?!”
The chemistry teacher held up his hand to defend himself, “Stop! This is a salt!”
Do you want to know what one of the coolest gifts you could ever get someone is?
Liquid nitrogen.
What did x æ a-12 get when he was given a lithium-iron battery to reboot himself?
Li-Fe.
Don’t drink water while studying chemistry.
It lowers concentration.
Did you know they are putting acid in bombs now?
Its for neutralising enemy bases.
What’s the difference between an electrician and a chemist?
The electrician likes his work to be unionized, while the chemist likes his work to be unionized.
A chemistry teacher is having problems with her desktop.
So she asks the class, “How do I unfreeze my computer?”
After a few seconds, one student raises their hand and responds, “What’s the melting point?”
Inventing new chemistry jokes is hard nowadays.
But I’m trying Asbestos I can.
Why are there police at the chemistry laboratory?
Because all of the chemicals argon!
What does a chemist say when pretending to be a therapist?
“You matter.”
In chemistry class, the experiment called for 36 grams of the 83rd element on the periodic table. I could see that the girl next to me had weighed out 42 grams. When I told her she was getting a bit heavy, she said….
I should mind my own bismuth.
I graduated with a Chemistry degree, but the only job I got was testing carbonated beverages.
It was Soda grading.
Sodium reacts so violently with chlorine.
It’s assault.
What was Mendeleev’s favorite acid?
HIO4 (periodic acid).
A chemistry student turns to his professor and excitedly exclaims, “Sir, this mountain has exactly 6.022×10^23 atoms in it!”
The professor sighs, replying, “No need to make mountains out of mol hills.”
Why didn’t chlorine enjoy her date with sodium?
Because it was a salt.
A chemist walks into a bar and finds one of his friends in his usual spot.
The chemist asks his friend to move to a different seat. His friend says, “I suppose you’ve displaced me.” The chemist smiles and is about to say something, but stops for a moment, then says, “I was going to make a chemistry joke, but I was afraid you wouldn’t react.”
What is the least interesting chemical element?
Bohrium.
Why were oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wearing suits and ties?
They were a formyl group.
What do you call a monkey full of helium?
A Babloon.
Do I know any jokes about sodium, bromine, and oxygen?
NaBrO.
What do they call a chemist who makes sodas?
A fizzycist.
Little Johnny comes home from school.
His mother asks him, “So what did you do in school today?”
“We were experimenting with explosives in chemistry class,” replies Little Johnny.
“What are you going to do in school tomorrow?”
“What school?”
What did the Silver Surfer say when blasted with hydrogen gas?
“AgHHHHHHHHHHHH..”
Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.
What happens to Nitrogen when you put it in direct sunlight?
It becomes DAYTROGEN!
Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?
He could not hit any of the ketones.
How do you become the most cited scientist of all time?
Change your name to “et al”.
Two chemistry professors at my school hated each other. No one knows why the rivalry started, but it escalated from common pranks to elaborate traps using their knowledge of chemical reactions. After one particular prank resulted in the fire alarm being triggered, the dean had enough. He ordered the two to sit together in the lounge at lunch and spend their free periods in each other’s classroom.
Over the school year, they began to get to know each other better and eventually became friends. They became god-parents to each other’s children, attended their graduations, and even saw them married. After the two men retired, they continued to spend time together, they learned to make YouTube and TikTok videos about chemistry and even went golfing together. If they never hated each other enough to devise elaborate pranks, they never would have been forced to spend time together and eventually become friends connected by their love of chemistry.
It was an ironic bond.
What elements make up life?
Lithium and Iron.
What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?
Air conditioning.
Two men, Chlorine and Fluorine, walk into a bar. The bartender greets them.
“Halo gens!”
Why did the chemist’s pants keep falling down?
He had no acetol.
Hydrogen asks his parents, Sodium and Potassium, if he can go to a party.
First, he asks his mom, Sodium. He knows that she is very strict and she will probably say no.
“Na,” she says, exactly what he expects
He decides to ask his dad. He is much less strict and was in a good mood. Maybe he can let Hydrogen go to the party.
“k,” he says.
How do you treat a sick chemist?
If you can’t curium and you can’t helium, you might as well barium.
What do you get if you mix sodium chloride with lithium iron phosphate?
A salt and battery.
What do you call nitrogen that has just finished eating?
Nitrate.
People say I’m obsessed with chemistry jokes,
“beryllium” not… (But really I’m not)
What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom?
“I’ve got my ion you.”
A chemist walks into the store he owns and he sees a man leaning up against a wall near the counter.
“What’s wrong with him?” he asks his assistant.
“He needed a bottle of cough syrup,” explains the assistant, “but I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.”
“WHAT?” bellows the chemist. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!!!”
“Of course you can,” replies the assistant, pointing at the man. “Look at him! He’s FAR too scared to cough!”
How do you tell a chemist no?
Nitrogen Monoxide.
Why does a pound of hamburger have less energy than a pound of steak?
Because it is in the ground state.
A chemist decided to plagiarize a man’s work.
He made a carbon-copy.
What do you call a tooth floating in a glass of water?
A one molar solution.
What happens when you eat aluminum?
You sheet metal.
What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
Separation anxiety.
How does a male chemist flirt with a female chemist?
He says, “U and I are on the periodic table.”
And how does the female chemist brush off the male one?
She says, “So is He.”
What did the chemist say when he figured out the formula to make fart spray?
U-reek-a.
A photon checks into a hotel, and the desk clerk asks, “Do you have any luggage?”
To which the photon replies, “No, I’m travelling light.”
What’s a pirate’s favourite amino acid?
Arrrrrrrginine.
Have you seen the movie “The Fifth Element”?
It’s boron.
What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
What do you call it when you catch a piece of plutonium in the ocean?
Nuclear Fission.
Heisenberg was cruising down the highway one day when he gets pulled over by a police officer. The officer gets out of his car, and Heisenberg can tell he’s quite angry. The officer approaches the window fuming.
“Do you have any idea how fast you were going?!” the officer asks.
“No,” replied Heisenberg, “But I know where I am.”
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
“Breaking up is hard to do.”
A chemistry professor couldn’t resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture.
He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, “Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!”
Recommended: Adult Science Jokes
What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
An ether bunny.
Where does the German chemistry teacher put the used batteries of an electrolytic experiment?
In the zinc.
What is the chemical formula for candy?
Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe.
My name is Bond
.
.
Covalent Bond.
Optimist: sees glass half full
Pessimist: sees glass half empty
Chemist: sees glass entirely full; half in liquid state, half in vapor state.
Do you have a Chemistry joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
