Dinosaurs were the giant lizards who stomped around Earth long before anyone thought Wi-Fi was important. They had tiny brains, huge tails, and teeth sharp enough to make even a dentist nervous. Some were so big they made school buses look like toy cars. Thinking about these ancient creatures doing anything silly is enough to spark a whole world of Dinosaur Jokes.
These jokes bring old bones back to life by turning fierce, roaring dinos into goofy characters with funny habits. It’s like giving them a second chance, not to rule the Earth, but to rule our funny bones. And let’s be honest, laughing at a dinosaur’s silly side is much safer than running from one!
Best Dinosaur Jokes
What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?
A Flossiraptor.
Why was the T-Rex walking funny after his workout?
Cause he was Dino-sore.
What do you say when a dinosaur farts?
That was a blast from the past!
What do you call a cloud shaped like a dinosaur?
A Brontocirrus.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
Cause they’re dead.
How did the cavemen survive the asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs?
Social distancing, they stayed 56 million years apart.
What do you call a dinosaur that is made out of land?
A terrain-osaurus Rex.
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”
The guard replies, “They are 65,000,011 years old.”
“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”
The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty-five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago.”
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Why should you never fight a dinosaur?
Because you’ll get jurasskicked.
What do you call a dinosaur who is easy to clean, heat-resistant, and long-lasting?
Py-rex.
Who would blow up Jurassic Park? Really?
A dino might.
Why do dinosaurs pay for Amazon Shipping?
Because they live in the Land before Prime.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Dinosaurp.
(Dinosaurp who?)
Haha you said dinosaur poo.
What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a human?
A T-Rex.
Which Dino was the best in English?
The Saurus.
Which drug should dinosaurs never take?
A steroid.
Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
“I have three wishes, so I’ll give one to each of you,” the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
“Alright,” he says, “I’ll have a big, juicy, piece of meat.”
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he’d ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
“I know! I’ll have a shower of meat!”
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
“I’ve got it!” he cries, “I want a MEATIER shower!”
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What’s a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer?
Comet.
Dinosaurs really got wiped out by a rock.
They should have picked paper.
How did the T-Rex cut down the tree?
By using a dino-saw.
Yo mama so fat, the dinosaurs went extinct when she forgot her parachute.
Where does a T-Rex find food to eat?
The dino-store.
Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Cause they’re dead.
What do you call a dinosaur traffic jam?
A tricera-stops!
What did the dinosaur say while it was being compressed?
RAR.
Fashion crazes can be so weird. With the popularity of the Paleo diet a few years back, it opened the door for this phase where Paleotonic themed clothing was briefly in vogue. The motif was to appear as if you were doing field research on digs and such. Earthy colors, pockets everywhere, big hats. You get the picture.
They wanted this to be fashionable at the same time as appearing “dinosaur-ish”. In hindsight, it didn’t work out so well. Regardless, where there was a new window. A bunch of companies popped up with their dino themed lines. Brand names like Diggers, Bones, T-Rex, etc showed up on the shelves. Even companies like the Serra Club and Green Peace got in on the act.
The thing was, the cut of these lines were somewhat specific. Alex easily found pants that fit well, and of course, hats were easy enough. When it came to shirts and jackets, Alex wasn’t so lucky. Maybe Alex’s upper body wasn’t built for this, because nothing fit right. Alex tried pretty much all of those new brands, but no dice.
Alex was so frustrated. Alex really wanted to be part of this new “Jurassic Park” trend. Alex called up an old friend who had gone into the fashion industry. Figured that if she couldn’t help, nobody could.
And she did! After spending only a few minutes listening to the challenges, she gave what ultimately was the right answer. She told Alex three simple words. Try Serra tops.
What are two things dinosaurs can’t have for dinner?
Breakfast and lunch.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
Doyouthinkhesaurus.
What do you call a dinosaur who lost its gold?
A dinosr.
Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction
Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
Did you know that a dinosaur was the first person to buy a Toyota hybrid car?
It was a priustoric event.
A young Tyrannosaurus Rex was out on the hunt when he stopped to take a drink from a nearby lake.
There, cooling off in the water, he saw the most beautiful Triceratops in all of Pangea. He asked her her name and invited her to go out hunting, but she told him she wasn’t really into that kind of thing.
The T-Rex liked her anyway, though, so they started going together.
Even though his parents complained that it was awkward at Christmas dinner and all his friends laughed about how she had him eating salads, he still asked her to marry him.
He was happier because he’d never met a dinosaur like herbivore.
Two dinosaurs were sitting on a beach watching as a ship sailed into the sunset.
One dinosaur turns to the other and says, “That Noah’s a bit of a twat isn’t he?”
Which dinosaur does the government of the People’s Republic of China hate?
Taiwanasaurus.
Millions of years ago, there was a dinosaur empowerment movement called “dino-might.”
It blew up over night.
What do you call a dinosaur that doesn’t need to eat but instead gets its energy from the sun?
A Photosynthasaurus.
What did the Canadian dinosaur wear to keep warm?
A Jurassic Parka.
What dinosaur gets things done right away?
The Pronto-saurus.
An archeologist walks into a bar, orders a beer, and gives a heavy sigh.
“What’s wrong?” the bartender asks.
“I thought I discovered a fully intact dinosaur skeleton at my dig yesterday,” the archeologist laments. “Sadly, upon further excavation today it turns out that it was just a fossil arm.”
Can a crappy dinosaur joke get a laugh?
You bet Jurassican.
Ever tried watching Godzilla backwards?
It’s about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.
What do you call a vegan dinosaur?
Falafel Raptor.
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur Tibia.
It’s going to be quite the shindig.
How does a Brit let you know you’re in danger at Jurassic Park?
“A Dino-saur-us!”
What do you call a dinosaur with a broken leg?
An owmilegisaur.
Two dinosaurs are standing on a cliff.
As they’re looking out to sea, an ark floats past.
One dinosaur turns to the other one and says, “Oh, was that today?”
A dragon would never explode.
But a dino might.
What would you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
What do you call a dinosaur that only eats the most delicious food?
A connoisaur.
The asteroid event that ended the dinosaurs…
…was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone.
A musical theater director lost his theater company and decided to open a dinosaur-themed restaurant.
He hired his stage crew to work in the kitchen, made the ticket booth attendants hosts, and cast his actors as waitstaff. Things were going great—they even started incorporating show tunes into the dinner service.
The lead actor, however, was a bit of a diva and kept having artistic differences with the manager about her Doris Day number. She insisted it didn’t make sense to sing the song in English while dressed as a T-Rex and argued she should perform it in growls instead. They went back and forth, but finally, the manager gave in and said, “K! Say Rawr Say Rawr!”
What do the ancient reptiles call their housework?
Dino-chores.
How scared was the dinosaur?
Petrified.
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
An eyesaur.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks tea?
A Tea-rex.
Why were the dinosaurs so big?
Because Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures.
Alien: “Why should I not blow up this planet?”
Human: “We are an advanced species.”
Alien: “How do you travel?”
Human: “We light old dinosaurs on fire.”
What happens when you let dinosaurs drive?
You get tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How did the bodybuilding dinosaur die?
Asteroid overdose!
After eating that spicy food for dinner I woke up with a dinosaur in my pants.
An Itchysaurus.
What do dinosaurs listen to music on?
Fossil records.
What do you call a drunk dinosaur?
A Staggersaurus.
Why didn’t they let Yoda name the dinosaurs?
Because the do-or-do-not-ceratops sounds stupid.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Interrupting paleontologist.
(Interrupting paleon..)
DINOSAUR! DINOSAUR! DINOSAUR!
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus who tells the same story over and over?
A Dino-bore.
What do you call an indecisive dinosaur?
A dino-might.
Where do dinosaurs like to shop?
At the Dino-store.
What do you call a dinosaur who’s hiding from the cops?
Doyouthinkhesaurus.
A dinosaur goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. He gets to the register, and the worker scans all his items. When all the scanning is done, and the dinosaur has to pay, the worker asks, “So how are you paying today?”
The dinosaur replies, “With tyrannosaurus checks.”
What sounds like a dinosaur but lives in your mouth?
A canker sore.
What is a secret agent’s favorite dinosaur?
A pte REDACTED yl.
What do you call a middle-aged dinosaur?
Mybackisaurus.
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What did dinosaurs have that no other animals had?
Baby dinosaurs.
What do you call a guy with dinosaurs tattooed on his chest?
Tyrannosaurus pecs.
How did the dinosaur get clean?
With a meteor shower!
What do you call a coughing dinosaur?
A Bronchosaurus!
What do you call a medieval pit, full of Dinosaurs?
A VelociTrapDoor.
And who build them?
The TyranoSawrus
Why does building one take them so long?
They are always short-handed.
Which dinosaur doesn’t know if it should leave or not?
The Stay-Go-Saurus.
What do you call a group of anxious dinosaurs?
Nervous Rex.
What was the fastest dinosaur in all of prehistoric Mexico?
Prontosaurus.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?
Rep tiles.
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What dinosaur was the most muscular?
Testosteronus Rex.
What do you call an upset dinosaur?
A cry-ceratops!
What do you call an irrational dinosaur?
Prepost-saurus.
What do you get when you cross a vegetable patch with a dinosaur?
Squash.
What do you call a dinosaur with shoes on?
Zapatosaurus.
Which dinosaur was the only dinosaur that predicted the extinction?
The Tarot dactyl.
What’s the best dinosaur to help with Christmas gifts?
A velociwraptor.
What do you call a dinosaur that plays video games?
A Sega-Saurus.
The scariest dinosaurs were the carnivores, the least scary were the herbivores, and the most polite dinosaurs were…
The por favors.
What do you call a dinosaur chasing you with a chainsaw?
Trynna Saw Us Rex.
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What disease do elderly dinosaurs get?
Jurassic Parkinsons.
What was the last dinosaur to become extinct?
The Toys R Us.
What do you call a group of singing dinosaurs?
A tyrannochorus.
Why do dinosaurs need deodorant?
Because they’re ex stincked.
Why couldn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
There were no roads!
What kind of school do dinosaurs send their preschoolers to?
Brontessori.
Which dinosaur is the most polite?
The pleaseiasaur.
Why can’t you make a dinosaur omelette?
Because they are egg-stinct.
What did the ground say to the dinosaur’s footprint?
“You made a big impression on me!”
What was the stupidest dinosaur?
Ignoramus Rex.
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What do you call a Nickelodeon dinosaur that does promotional work for an asphalt company?
Reptar!
What sea dinosaur played music to a genius level?
A Mozart-saur.
Which dinosaur was best at startling the other dinosaurs?
Tri-SCARE-atops.
What do you call a dinosaur with the runs?
A velocicrapper.
Do you have a funny Dinosaur Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
I know global warming is bad.
but wouldn’t it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?!