60 Alligator Jokes You Cannot Share With A Crocodile

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Jessica Amlee


Alligators are the cool, laid-back cousins in the reptile family, kind of like the sunglasses-wearing, leather jacket-clad characters of the animal kingdom. Picture this: a creature so old-school, it’s practically prehistoric, just chilling in swamps and rivers like it owns the place. These big guys, rocking powerful jaws and trendy scaly outfits, are basically the original inhabitants of the United States and China – talk about being internationally renowned! They’re mostly water-lovers, but on land, watch out! They can sprint like they’ve just remembered they left the oven on.

Our Alligator jokes practically turn these reptilian predators into stand-up comedians of the animal world. So, next time you’re hanging with friends or trying to one-up Uncle Bob at the family BBQ, just remember: alligators aren’t just about snap-snap; they’re about crack-up too, proving that even nature’s most daunting creatures can be the stars of slapstick and silliness.

Funny Alligator Jokes

Did you know that Alligators can live up to 100 years?
That is why there’s an increased chance that they will see you later.

Why do Egyptian Alligators have emotional problems?
Because they are in de Nile.

What do you call an alligator that’s really good with directions?
A navigator.

What do you call an alligator who sells ceramic flooring?
A Tile-Rep.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Alligator who?)
Alligator for her birthday was a card.

Did you know that if you pour salt on an alligator’s tail, it will fall off?
Yeah, pepper falls off too.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.

Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?
Most only have 4.

Yo mama skin so crusty, alligators wear boots made out of her.

It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart.
One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.

Recommended: Funny Crocodile Jokes

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?
A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Althea who?)
Althea later alligator!

What’s the difference between a toothbrush and an alligator?
If you don’t know, you better be careful next time you brush your teeth.

Did you hear about the old man who was going to cook alligator for dinner?
But then he realized he only have a croc pot.

What do you call an alligator without any legs?
Anything you want, it can’t run after you.

A boy walks into a zoo.
After some time, he sees an alligator and shouts, “Hey, are you a caiman?”
“I’m alright, thanks, kid!” He replies.

What do you call an alligator that collects things?
An aggregator.

A guy and his alligator walk into a bar.
“Do you serve lawyers here?” he asks the barkeep.
“Sure”, came the reply.
“I’ll have a beer, and my alligator will have a lawyer.”

What do you call an alligator stuck on the planet in Avatar?

What do you call an Irish alligator?
Croc O’Dile.

Recommended: Best Alligator Puns

What did the alligator say to the bee?
“See ya later pollinator.”

How do alligators communicate?
Through Snapchat.

A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.
The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes. After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeeper’s attitude the blonde declares, “Fine I’ll just go catch an alligator and get my own boots!
The shopkeeper replied, “Why don’t you just try young lady,” with a smirk.
So the blonde heads out to the swamp absolutely determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day the shopkeeper drives by and notices the young lady waist-deep in water with a shotgun in her hands.
He stops and watches as a very large alligator swims right at her. With lightning-fast reflexes, she throws the gun up and shoots the alligator killing it instantly.
He keeps watching as she drags the alligator to a pile of 6 or 7 more. As he rolls down the window to ask why she needs so many Gators for one pair of boots she rolls it over and shouts, “Ahhhh this one’s barefoot too!”

An alligator asked an electric eel, “Hey, can I touch you?”
The Electric Eel replied, “Yes, but I’d have to charge you.”

What do you call an alligator that shows up suddenly and out of nowhere?
An Instagator!

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a navigator was a type of alligator!

How do you fit an alligator in a Safeway bag?
You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’, and you take the ‘f’ out of ‘way’.

A mother sends her son to the well to fetch water.
When the boy comes back without water, he explains that there is an alligator in the well.
“Don’t worry,” says the mother. “The alligator is just as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Mom,” says the boy, “if the alligator is as scared of me as I am of him, we shouldn’t be drinking that water.”

What do you get when you cross Miley Cyrus with an alligator?
A caiman like a wrecking ball.

Did you hear that scientists have managed to cross an alligator and a boomerang?
That’s going to come back to bite them.

Why did the alligator cross the road?
To eat the chicken.

One day a lizard is walking through the jungle when he hears laughing up in a tree.
He looks up, and in the tree above him, he sees a monkey smoking a joint and laughing to himself.
He yells up, “Hey, you got any more of that?”
The monkey says, “Sure man, come on up!”
So the lizard climbs up the tree to the monkey and they start smoking. After three joints, the lizard is baked and tells the monkey, “Hey man I got cotton mouth really bad. I need to go to the river and get a drink.”
The monkey says “Sure man.”
So the lizard climbs down and stumbles to the riverbank. He leans over to start drinking and SPLASH he falls in. An alligator swimming by sees him fall in and swims over to help him. He lifts him out of the water and says, “Hey buddy, are you ok? What happened?”
The lizard says, “Man there is a monkey smoking joints in a tree down the trail and he got me so baked that when I tried to drink I fell in.”
The alligator says, “Really? Does he have any more?”
The lizard says, “Probably, he is back that way.”
So the alligator heads down the trail until he finds the laughing monkey in the tree.
When he gets there he shouts up to the monkey, “Hey there! Got any more of those joints?!”
The monkey looks down at him and with a serious face says, “Man! How much water did you drink?!”

What do you call an alligator with a law degree?
A litigator.

What do you call an alligator making a phone call?
A croco-dial.

A man is at the zoo with his family.
Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says, “Sir, sir! There’s been a terrible accident!”
The man asks, “What happened?”
“Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!”
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, “Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.”

What do you call an alligator on a skate?

What’d the confused alligator say when acting like a rooster?

Two alligators were sunning themselves next to their swamp.
One turns to the other and says, “Why am I so much smaller than you? We’re the same age, and grew up the same size, but you’re so much bigger now. How?”
The bigger one says “I don’t know. Tell me what you eat.”
“Same here. Where do you eat them?”
“The building over there on the other side, same as you.”
“Hmm. How do you catch them?”
“I hide under their fancy cars, wait for one to come by to get in, jump out and grab them by the leg, and then shake the shit out of them before eating them.”
“Yeah, me too. Which kinds do you eat?”
“I eat the politicians, so no one misses them.”
“Oh, well that’s your problem right there! You’re not getting any nourishment. You see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, all you’re left with is an asshole and a briefcase.”

What’s the worst thing about wild alligators?
Their wild allegations.

Yo mama so stupid, she fed a dying alligator Gatorade because she thought it was an aid kit for alligators!

What US state is famous for its alligators?

Did you hear about the alligator that was banned on Instagram?
Turns out, he was an Insta-Gator.

An elderly man in the countryside had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”
Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator…”

What do you call an alligator smoking a cigarette?
A fumigator.

What do you call an alligator that works on Wall St.?
An Invest-i-gator.

Did you hear about the alligator who couldn’t get a hard-on?
He had a reptile dysfunction.

What kind of help do alligators offer?

A guy walks into a bar and notices a “free beer for life challenge” on the front door.
He goes inside and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, ” First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no crying, breathing, or puking allowed.” The man grabs the bottle and starts chugging.
He slams the bottle on the counter, burps, and asks what’s next. The bartender, totally aloof says, “Alright, there’s an alligator outside with a loose tooth, go pull it for me. Next, there’s a woman upstairs who has never had an org*sm, go up there and give her one.” The man, visibly worried steps outside, and the bar room falls silent. The bartender hears screaming and rustling in the bushes outside.
After a few minutes, the man comes inside, all bloodied with ripped clothes he asks, “Okay, where is that lady with the loose tooth again?”

What do you call an Alligator in a bespoke suit?
A snappy dresser.

What do you call a genuine cockney alligator?
A propagator.

What do you call it when one alligator steals another alligator’s girl?
Croc blocking.

A teacher asked her third-grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat other things.
The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word, Alan. Very well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, “That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”

What did the Alabama Alligator say to the teacher when asked why people were so mean?
“Momma says, ‘Alabamans are ornery because they have all them toothbrushes and no teeth.’”

What’s an all-you-can-eat buffet for an alligator?
A pond at Disneyland.

What does a Japanese crocodile say to show gratitude?

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try”. A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle”.

What do you call a depressed alligator?

Yo mama is proof that alligators had s*x with hippos.

What happened to the alligator decided to have unprotected s*x?
Now he has Gatorades.

Do you have a funny joke about Alligator? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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