Astronaut training starts well before liftoff, filled with tight schedules, bulky suits, and some pretty unusual challenges. One trainee spent hours just figuring out how to float without bumping into everything, only to realize that even scratching an itch turns into a whole task in zero gravity. With quiet meals and nonstop drills, a subtle sense of humor begins to creep in, because when your job involves heading into space, staying serious all the time just isn’t realistic.
Once the mission begins, that humor shifts a bit, turning long, quiet stretches into moments of bold, slightly offbeat laughter. Stories pass quickly between crewmates who understand that stress needs its own kind of release. The jokes lean a little dirty, not because space is messy, but because the mind starts to wander when everything else is floating. By the time those stories make it back to Earth, they’re a bit more polished, but still carry that same playful edge from orbit.
Adult Astronaut Jokes
How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
“I need some space.”
What do you call an astronaut who gives good bjs and hjs?
Kneel Armstrong.
What kind of pants do Mexican astronauts wear?
Pantalunes.
What do astronaut couples dream about?
To spend the honeymoon on the moon.
Which astronaut m@sturbated the most?
Neil Armstrong.
What is the difference between an astronaut and a nudist?
Astronauts like the moon, Nudists like to moon.
Why are there no female astronauts?
It is because the moon doesn’t need cleaning yet.
What was going through the head of the astronaut as he fell into the black hole?
The universe.
A male and female astronaut landed on an undiscovered planet and soon met some of the inhabitants.
These inhabitants showed them many things, including a baby machine which produced the new offspring. The astronauts were asked how they reproduced. Rather than use words, they stripped off and gave a full and satisfying demonstration. The inhabitants looked puzzled.
“But where are the new ones?”
“Oh, that won’t happen for another nine months,” they replied.
“Well, if it takes that long, why were you rushing so much at the end?”
What do you call an astronaut who makes love with twinks?
A solar bear.
An astronaut named Richard was sent to explore planets beyond Saturn.
Now there’s a d*ck in uranus.
What did one gay astronaut say to the other g@y astronaut?
“Hmmm… Uranus or mine?”
Why don’t astronauts like open sores on their pp?
They burn upon reentry.
If you wish to visit Outer Space, you’re an Astronaut.
If you wish to visit Uranus, you’re an Ass-tronaut.
What do you call an astronaut who m@sturbates in space?
An astronut.
A handicapped kid wants to be an astronaut.
Because he has spacial needs.
NASA astronauts will be the first to figure out if alien life forms…
are f*ckable.
Recommended: Uranus Jokes
What do two h0rny astronauts do in the orbiting satellite?
They f*ck Around.
If an American is an astronaut, and a Russian is a cosmonaut, what is a German?
A kristallnacht.
What do you call a bl@ck astronaut?
An astronaut, you damn r@cist.
Do you have a Dirty Astronaut joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
