Math isn’t just about numbers, formulas, and headaches—it can be a playground for grown-ups too. Once you get past high school equations and into adult conversations, math starts showing up in the most unexpected places. That’s where Dirty Math Jokes come in, turning algebra into adult humor and geometry into giggles that probably aren’t safe for the classroom.
Back in college, our late-night study sessions often turned into stand-up comedy with chalk. We didn’t solve every equation, but we sure cracked up trying. Dirty Math Jokes were our secret formula for surviving finals, bold, brainy, and just the right amount of wrong.
Adult Math Jokes
Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red-faced and embarrassed?
Because her algaebra didn’t hold up.
What does a h*rny mathematician with a lisp do on his spare time?
Math debate.
Why are Chinese kids so good at math?
Because their dog doesn’t eat their homework.
How is p*rnography like geometry?
It’s all about angles.
The math teacher asked Liitle Johnny how many times does 50 go into 11.
Apparently, the answer wasn’t, “Ask Michael Jackson.”
Why is foreplay so important to female mathematicians?
First, outside. Inside last.
A girl tells her mother after school, “Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!”
“Well done, darling,” the girl’s mother replies. “That’s because you’re blonde.”
After returning from school the next day, the girl says, “I’m the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5.”
“Well done,” replies the mother again. “That’s because you’re blonde.”
The following day, the girl says to her mother, “Mum, today we measured our chests in class and mine is the largest! Is that because I’m blonde?”
“No, darling,” her mother replies, “that’s because you’re 18.”
Damn, girl, are you a math book?
Because you have a lot of f*ckin problems.
What’s a mathematician’s favourite kind of b**b?
Quantitties.
I’ve got a fetish for geometry.
Sorry, I’m getting off on a tangent right now.
I got thrown out of math class today.
The teacher asked me “If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire, and $5 to Laura, what would you have?”
Apparently, 3 bl*wjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn’t the answer.
I started teaching Maths to midgets in my area.
I’m making little things count.
Recommended: Math Jokes
What did the mathematician do with the woman he took home from the bar?
Factor.
A little boy comes home from school and tells his father, “I got an F in math today.”
His father replies, “What happened?”
The boy says, “Well, my teacher asked me, ‘What’s 3 times 2?’, and I said, ‘6.’”
The father replies, “Well, that’s correct.”
The boy says, “I know. Then she asked me, ‘What’s 2 times 3?'”
The father then replies, “What the f*ck is the difference?”
The boys say, “That’s what I said!”
What did the blonde get on her math test?
Tears.
What can a mathematician and a pedophile agree upon?
11 is a prime number.
Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself…
“2+5, the son of a b*tch is 7”
“3+6, the son of a b*tch is 9”
His mother heard this & asked, ” Henry! What is this nonsense you are doing?”
“Oh, Mom. Don’t disturb. I am doing my maths homework.”
Mom: “Is this how your teacher taught you?”
“Yes, Mom.”
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
“Are you teaching maths to children by saying… 2+2, the son of a b*tch is 4?”
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
“What I taught them was… 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4.”
What do you call a terrorist organization made up of math teachers?
Al-gebra.
What do you call a promiscuous mathematician?
The thot that counts.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
“You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?”
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
“One dollar!” she said.
The teacher, conflicted on why the girl can’t add, explained to her and the whole class how adding 1+5 works. At the end of class, the students were dismissed. A staff member oversaw the whole thing, and approached the teacher.
“What the hell were you thinking asking that type of question?” the staff member asked.
“What? I just asked them how much money 1+5 is- They couldn’t even answer it!”
“You said their parents gave them five dollars.”
“Yeah, so?”
“You work at an orphanage, you moron!”
S*x is like math
These days I’m doing it all by hand.
Why did the dyslexic mathematician go to rehab?
He was struggling with addition.
A boy goes up to a girl and says, “Hey baby, what’s up”…
She says, “I have a boyfriend”, he says, “I have a math test”.
The girl says, “What’s that got to do with anything?”
He replies, “I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on.”
What do mathematicians use to commit suicide?
A hypotenoose.
What do you call female dogs that are good at math?
Sum b*tches.
A blonde fills a stadium with 90,000 people to prove blondes are smart.
She fills up the stadium with 90,000 blondes, TV crew, News crews all of the media.
She calls up one volunteer from the crowd.
The host says, “Let’s start with some simple maths questions.”
Blonde says, “Sure.”
The host asks, “What’s 3 times 8?”
After 20 seconds, the blonde responds, “58!”
The host, disappointed is met with the 90,000 blondes chanting “Give her another chance!, Give her another chance!”
She thinks, well, with all the media out here, we’ve gone to all the trouble, may as well.
So the host asks the volunteer, “What is 20 plus 30?”
Confidently, the blonde responds, “64!”
The crowd, now disappointed, again chant “Give her another chance!, Give her another chance!”
The host decides to do something as easy as possible and asks…
“What is 2 plus 2?”
After about 2 minutes of deliberation, the blonde answers excitingly, “4!”
The crowd goes absolutely crazy, everyone standing, screaming out “Give her another chance!, Give her another chance!”
Why are sandwiches bad at math?
They’re inbred!
What’s the difference between a building full of Asi@n people and a building full of White people?
One is a math lab and the other is a Meth lab.
A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can’t figure out the total in his head.
He asks his secretary, “Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?”
She thinks for a minute, then says, “Everything except my earrings.”
What do you call a young woman who likes math?
A calcu-lass.
H*rny mathematicians are just
mathdebating.
In a certain tribe, in which polygamy was practiced, a married man’s standing in the tribe depended upon the combined weight of his wives, the greater the combined weight, the more important was the man.
Every year, on weighing day and according to custom, the married men would stand their wives on neatly spread animal skins, and the chief of the tribe would come around with a crude seesaw and balance the wives of one man against those of another in order to determine the relative importance of the men. Now Gog had only one wife, who was very heavy, while Gug had two much slenderer wives, and all year the two men argued as to who was the more important, When weighing day arrived, Gog placed his wife on a large hippopotamus skin, and Gug placed his wives on two small gazelle skins
When the weighing was performed, it was found that Gog’s wife exactly balanced against the two wives of Gug. Thus it turned out that the two men were equally important, since, by the chief’s ruling, “the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.”
How do deaf mathematicians communicate with each other?
Sin Language.
Did you hear about the mathematician that was murdered?
It was cold and calculated.
A 54-year-old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying:
“I’ve been sleeping with an 18-year-old.”
His 54-year-old wife reads the note, shrugs, and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home, he finds it and reads:
“I know you’ve been cheating on me with an 18-year-old, but I have an 18-year-old of my own. And we both know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.”
What do you call a mathematician’s d*ldo?
Fucktorial.
How are Girls like math?
If they’re under ten, then you use your fingers.
A mathematician and an engineer play a game to get laid.
At the other end of this room,” the Game Master points out, “is a beautiful, young, naked, consenting woman. If you reach her, she will fulfill any and all of your fantasies.”
The mathematician and engineer both look at each other with excitement.
“The only rule is that each step you take toward the bed can only be half the size of the last step.”
The mathematician studies the situation for a moment, frowns, and then remarks, “Oh forget it! I know how this one ends. I’m going home.”
The Engineer also studies the situation, grins, and then begins walking toward the woman.
“Didn’t you hear me!” shouts the Mathematician. “It’s a mathematical certainty you’ll never reach her!”
“Perhaps you’re right,” he says. “But soon I’ll be close enough that for all practical purposes, it won’t matter!”
Why doesn’t the KKK like calculus?
Cause there’s so much integration going on in the schools.
How does a mathematician deal with constipation?
The same way he does his math, he works it out with a pencil.
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack.
So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. “The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low”, he reasoned, “and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.”
Did I ever tell you guys about the time I made it with my really hot math teacher?
Couldn’t really brag about it at the time ’cause I was home schooled…
What do math and multiple genders have in common?
Square root of negative one.
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike.
His colleague asks, “Where did you get the bike?”
“That’s really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off ’til she’s naked and says “Take what you want”. So I took the bike.”
“Makes sense”, his colleague says, “I don’t think you’d look good in a dress.”
A recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%.
I’ve done the maths. I am immortal.
What is the similarity between maths and 9/11?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Little Teddy is doing very poorly in math, so his parents have enrolled him in Catholic school.
The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner, Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.
His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”
“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t f*cking around.”
Why is s*x like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Why can’t gay people do math?
Because they don’t count.
Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher said to him, “If I gave you $200,” the teacher began,” And you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally, $50 to Susan, and $50 to Amy, what would you have?”
“An orgy,” Johnny answered.
What’s the square root of 69?
8 something.
What’s one thing a math teacher and Michael Jackson would agree on?
3 and 5 are prime numbers.
Why did the math teacher get arrested?
Because he told his female student to call him sir-cum-for-once instead of circumference.
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A teacher asks her students a simple math question.
“There are 3 birds on a wire, one gets shot, how many are left?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, “There are none left. Once the one bird was shot, the other two flew away.”
The teacher tells Johnny he is wrong, but she likes the way he thinks.
Johnny then inquired, “May I ask you a question now, teacher?”
She loves his inquiring mind and tells him to go right ahead
Johnny continues, “There are 3 women coming out of an ice cream shop, each with a cone… one is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it…. Which one is married?”
Teacher thinks for a second and replies, “Well..I guess I would say the one who is sucking it”
Johnny replies, “No, it’s the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.”
What math class should feminists take?
Triggernomics.
Math teachers do not molest the students.
But PE do.
On one side of the Earth, a man is walking a tightrope 250’ up in the air. On the opposite side of the Earth a man is getting sucked off by a 90 year old toothless lady. Both men are thinking the exact same thought. What are they thinking?
Don’t look down!
What do you call a h*rny geometry class?
Erectangle.
A prostitute is taking some night classes and struggling with math.
One day, it clicks. She says, “I give like 5 bl*wjobs a day. That’s like 35 bl*wjobs a week!”
The teacher is so proud, “Now you’re thinking with your head!”
What do you call a h*rny accountant?
A Math-turbator.
Why is high school math like an erection?
Because it’s long and hard unless you’re asi@n.
Why can’t Ahmad solve a math equation?
Cause his calculator can only do countdown.
The teacher looked disappointed as she handed back my F-marked exam sheet.
“That is possibly the worst English paper I have ever tried to read.” She scolded. “Have you anything to say for yourself?”
“Just two words, miss,” I replied. “Go f*ck yourself.”
I’m sh*t at maths, too.
Why did the N@zi get an A on his math exam?
He found the final solution.
Recommended: Calculus Jokes
Why are white girls bad at math?
Because they can’t even.
Why are lesbi@ns bad at math?
Because they can’t Multiply.
The teacher asked the hottest girl in my math class to divide 13,939,393,938 by 2.
The student got to work, and as she did, her breathing became deeper and more rapid. A pink blush appeared on her cheeks, and she clutched the pencil more tightly as she wrote. The class was stunned as we watched her begin to writhe in her seat. Soon she began to moan and mutter, “Oh, my God!” Still, she kept working as pleasure overtook her, finally erupting into org@sm as the teacher and class looked on in disbelief. As she dropped her pencil and leaned back in her chair, satisfied and spent, I raised my hand.
“Yes,” the teacher said to me, still in shock.
I lowered my hand and said, “I’ll halve what she’s halving.”
What’s the difference between my math teacher and a witch?
The letter B.
How do you know if a Chinese person tried to rob your house?
When you get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later, he is still trying to back out of your driveway.
Why are Americans bad at math?
Because the kids who skipped school survived.
What is the naughtiest equation?
B=D.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman waving at him, and says hello.
He’s rather taken aback, because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”
“I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the str*pper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?”
She looks into his eyes and calmly says… “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.”
Recommended: Geometry Jokes
What was Jim Crow’s least favorite subject in math class?
Integration.
What does an asi@n do after s*x?
Math with the left hand.
Pakistani Math Problem are really complex.
Jamaal has 3 lunch boxes, he gives one to Rahir and another to Muhammad.
Calculate the radius of the explosion.
Why are female mathematicians bad at conceiving children?
They always misc@rry the little one.
Do you have a dirty Math joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
My maths lecturer always said “Maths is truth, but we can still lie together.”