Mathematics is the one subject that can either make your brain feel like a genius or a bowl of noodles. It’s full of symbols that look like they belong in a wizard’s spellbook and equations that somehow always want to solve for x, even when x clearly doesn’t want to be found. Some say math is the language of the universe, but most students think it’s more like a foreign language that comes with homework and stress.
Now here’s where Math Jokes sneak in like the class clown during a test. They turn those scary formulas into silly fun, turning confusion into giggles. It’s like the numbers themselves are tired of being serious and want to mess around for a bit. Math Jokes don’t help you pass exams, but they do help you survive them. They turn boring math into a comedy show where even the square root has attitude.
Best Math Jokes
What math classes do gender studies majors take?
Triggernometry.
Who is the king of all mathematicians?
The Ruler.
What’s the difference between a Diameter and a Radius?
A Radius.
Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why are mathematicians always so happy?
Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.
A mathematician couldn’t remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2.
But he knew it was <3.
Why do plants hate math?
It gives them square roots…
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter of a beer, the fourth one orders an eighth of a beer…
The bartender says, “We don’t serve half beers and pour them two beers.”
What do you call an average math bully?
Mean.
How long are math snakes?
3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is.
I had a scary math joke…
But I’m 22 to say it.
Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?
It helps with division.
Why are mathematicians the worst people to date?
Because they give way too much respect to their x.
A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.
The French exchange student raised his hand and said, “Excuse me, Madam, but I don’t know how to say fractions. How do you say those?”
“Easy,” said the teacher, “you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is ‘two-thirds’, 3/4 is ‘three-fourths’, and 2/5 is ‘two-fifths’.”
“Thanks, I understand, “said the exchange student.
“Good,” said the teacher, and then asked the student, “So how do you say 4/8?”
“Should I reduce?” asked the boy.
“That would be best,” said the teacher.
“One second,” said the boy.
“Take as long as you need,” said the teacher.
f(x) walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions”.
What do you call two guy best friends who love math?
Algebros.
Where do mathematicians get their kicks?
On 8.12403840463596
Math is hard, 15+15 is thirty.
But 16+16 is thirty too.
You may be surprised to know that Roman numerals are actually very easy to do algebra with
X is always equal to 10.
Three mathematicians walk into a bar.
The barman asks, “Do you all want a beer?”
First one says, “I don’t know.”
The second one says, “I don’t know.”
The third one says, “Yes.”
What’s a mathematician’s favourite sitcom?
Sinefeld.
Did you hear about the man arrested for having a compass, protractor, and calculator?
Charged with possessing weapons of math destruction…
What do mathematicians say when they have to multiply anything by 0.5?
“Well well well, what do we half here?”
A math major’s girlfriend is equal to the square root of -100.
A perfect 10 but also imaginary.
Recommended: Geometry Jokes
Why did the math teacher call his baby ‘Half”?
Because he was 1 out of 2.
Interviewer: “I heard you were extremely quick at math.”
Me: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”
Interviewer: “What’s 14×27?”
Me: “49”
Interviewer: “That’s not even close.”
Me: “Yeah, but it was fast.”
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They’re definitely plotting something.
What do you call a man that tries to use magic to solve math?
A math magician.
90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,
But for mathematicians, it’s just right.
What do you call a number that won’t sit still??
A Roamin’ Numeral.
Which ancient civilization was best a math?
Sumerians.
A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink, so he calls a plumber.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, “How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck.” But he pays it anyways.
The plumber tells him, “Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don’t like educated people.”
The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples, and he doesn’t have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th-grade education. So they all go to night school.
On the first day of night school, they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class, so he asks John, “What is the formula for the area of a circle?”
John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn’t belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute, he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, “Switch the limits on the integral!”
If Hermione were a mathematician, what would her kids be named?
Hermitwo and Hermithree.
What’s a communist’s favorite part of math?
The distributive property.
Recommended: Calculus Jokes
Why do religious mathematicians hate trigonometry?
Because of sin.
What’s one thing you should never ask a maths teacher about?
Infinity, because they can go on about it forever.
What is angle 666 equal to?
saTAN.
Two mathematicians are in a bar.
The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.
The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one-third x cubed.
She repeats, “One thir — dex cue”?
He repeats, “One third x cubed”.
She says, “One thir dex cuebd”?
Yes, that’s right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, “one thir dex cuebd…”.
The first guy returns, and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks, “What is the integral of x squared?”.
The waitress says, “One third x cubed,” and while walking away…
…turns back and says over her shoulder, “plus C!”
Why do cellular biologists never agree with mathematicians?
For them, division and multiplication are the same thing.
How do mathematicians scold their children?
“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”
Why are cowboys bad at math?
They’re always rounding things up.
An infinite number of engineers walk into a bar.
Then they all complain because that’s not possible.
Why are bacteria bad at math?
They multiply by dividing.
Recommended: Pi Day Jokes
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.
The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a noosed rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
How do you tell the difference between an English major, a Math major, and a programmer?
Ask them what “!” is.
Why are mathematicians so bad at making friends?
They always feel like they have something to prove.
Did you hear about the guy trying out for editor for the sums series of Math Magazine?
It was an addition edition audition.
How did the underage mathematician get drunk?
He put his root beer in a square glass.
Complex numbers are all fun and games until someone loses an i.
That’s when things get real.
A mathematician wasn’t too confident about his appearance.
So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After a little thought, his friend says, “You’re about as good-looking as you are bad-looking.”
“Well, that’s just mean.”
Why don’t mathematicians have degrees?
They prefer radians.
What do you do with a woman mathematician who wants to run for office?
Nominator.
What’s an elephant’s favorite math operation?
Truncation.
Recommended: Math Puns
Why did R, the set of all sets that are not members of themselves, burst out laughing?
It couldn’t contain itself.
This farmer was telling a man about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths.
“Watch this,” he said. “Shep, what’s seven plus two?” And the dog barked ten times.
“OK, Shep, what’s fifteen plus four. ” And the dog barked twenty times.
“He’s very good, ” the man replied, “but he’s a little over.”
“Yeah,” answered the farmer, “old habits die hard; he’s just rounding them up.”
There are 3 types of people in the world; those who are good at math…
And those who aren’t.
What did the math textbook say to the Shakespeare textbook?
“Look, buddy, I’ve already got a lot of problems, and I really don’t need any of your drama.”
Why don’t mathematicians eat pizza?
Because even half a slice is pie over ate.
What do you say when you procrastinate on your math homework?
“I’ll calc-u-later.”
A boy brought home his report card to show his parents how well he did in math class.
His report card showed a 90/100 for his math grade. His father was ecstatic, however his mother knew he was terrible at math and thus simply couldn’t believe he got a 90/100.
She looked closely at the report card and noticed that the 9 and the 0 looked to have different handwriting styles. She immediately became suspicious. “Son, tell me, did you add a 0 to the end of your grade?”
“No,” the boy replied.
“I’m going to ask you again,” said the mom, “did you add the 0 yourself?”
“No mom, I didn’t add the 0–“
Fuming, the mom cuts him off. “Ok, since you’re not telling me the truth, you are grounded for one month.”
“No mom, please!” the boy begged, “I swear I didn’t add the 0!”
“This is your last chance,” said the mom, “tell me the truth!”
“I didn’t add the 0…I added the 9.”
Math Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A serious drinking problem.”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
The punchline is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader.
Why did the mathematician wake up at 3:14 am?
He craved a pie.
Why don’t math jokes work in base 8?
Because 7 10 11
What’s the difference between a physicist and a mathematician?
There’s a pot of water on the table, and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, put it on the range, and lit the burner.
Next, the pot is placed on the floor with the same instructions. The physicist once again picks it up, places it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematician picks it up and puts it on the table, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why are relationships like math?
You look at your x and try to figure out y.
Did you hear about the lumberjack and the mathematician that formed a band?
They called themselves The Loggerhythms.
What do baby mathematicians drink?
Formula.
Why did Martin Luther King Jr. get an A in math?
He was good at finding solutions to inequalities.
After failing maths, Jared’s parents decided to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school.
Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. “Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head.
“Well, what was it then?”
Jared replied, “Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business.”
Why was the math teacher late for school?
He took the rhombus.
What’s the difference between math and meth?
Meth is a stimulant, and math is a depressant.
What do you call a mathematician who fakes injuries?
Fibbin’ Ouchie.
Why are people in London so bad at math?
Because in school, all their instructors were English teachers.
An elementary school teacher is asking a student a Maths question.
Teacher: “Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?”
Jimmy: “Five!”
Teacher: “No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?”
Jimmy: “Four!”
Teacher: “Good, Jimmy! Now if I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?”
Jimmy: “Five!”
Teacher: “Jimmy! That is incorrect! Why are you answering with five?”
Jimmy: “Because I already have a cat!”
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Why?
My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.
Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate.
Math jokes never work on me.
I have trouble differentiating them. They aren’t an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don’t add up.
Where is the best place in the house to do your math homework?
The kitchen counter.
A neurologist was diagnosing a patient who had lost his ability to do basic math.
“What’s 9 plus 9?”
“12.”
“What’s 8 and 8?”
“10.”
The doctor shook his head. “Very interesting. What about 6 times 5?”
The man thought for a second and answered, “1E.”
“Aha, I’ve figured it out!” the doctor said. “Somebody’s clearly put a hex on you.”
Did you hear about a Swedish rock band that used swear words to teach math?
They were called ABBACUSS.
What did the math department professors call their new band?
The Algorhythms.
Why did the math book start drinking?
To forget about all its problems.
Did you know that math is evil?
There’s literally a sin button on calculators!
Why don’t mathematicians argue at 3 am?
Because they know it’s pointless — they can’t even agree if it’s late night or early morning!
Jane agrees to go on a date with Bob, a friend of her brother.
Her brother tells her that Bob is a really great guy who, like Jane, loves and excels at pickleball and pinochle. Her brother tells her more about Bob and does caveat that Bob’s not the smartest, but a charming guy nonetheless.
After the date, Jane texts her brother and says it was actually a great date, but complains about her brother’s description of Bob, saying, “His nickname is complete BS. Why would you call him handsome Bob when he isn’t at all good-looking?”
“I told you we call him hand-sum Bob,” says her brother. “He can’t do math that requires more than his ten fingers.”
What kind of math do ranchers use?
Cow-culus.
Did you hear they’re making two sequels to Mean Girls, focusing on Cady and her math competition career?
Median Girls and Mode Girls.
Are Monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why are submarines afraid of math?
Because of sub division.
Why was the mathematician a fan of Star Wars?
Because of all the special f(x).
Among the more famous mathematicians in history, like Descartes, Newton, Liebnitz, or Fibonacci, there was a fellow who is somewhat less well known named DeHorst.
Helmholt DeHorst lived in the early 1500’s. Like his contemporary René Descartes, he presented many papers at the Royal Society. One of his special interests was charts and graphs, but his rival René beat him to it with his Cartesian system of coordinates.
This is why math historians always put Descartes before DeHorst.
How do mathematicians say goodbye?
“Calc u later!”
How is Pooping a lot like math?
When it’s hard, sometimes you have to work it out with a pencil and paper.
What do you call a chicken that’s good at math?
A mathmachicken.
How do you describe 100 sad mathematicians?
They’re centi-mental.
Why do mathematicians make bad screenwriters?
Their work is too derivative.
A mathematician leaves a conference only to find that the last train has gone.
Being a devout Christian, he falls to his knees and prays: “God, if it lies within your will, please send me a way to get home tonight!”.
To his astonishment, there is a swirl of ethereal music, and an angel descends from the clouds, and moments later, a shiny black Audi appears where it wasn’t before. “Hail, thou who has found favour with the Lord!” proclaims the angel. “Here is your way home,” – and the angel hands him the keys to the Audi.
An hour or so later, the mathematician is parking outside his house, and he once again kneels and prays, “Lord, who has heard my prayer and been gracious unto me, I now ask that you take back this gift. I only wanted to get home, and you have done all that I could have asked – so let me not be tempted by the desire for material gains.”
There is another swirl of ethereal music, and a still more glorious creature appears. The mathematician bows reverently and says, “Have I the honour of addressing Michael, or are you Gabriel?”
“Why do you ask?” says the radiant figure.
“Because,” says the mathematician, “if you are here to undo the function of an angel, you must be an arcangel.”
Why did the mathematician couple wait until their beach vacation to fill out their mortgage application?
So they could sine, cosine and tan.
What do you call a Dothraki mathematician?
Khal Culator.
Did you hear about the mathematician who committed Sudoku?
He did a real number on himself…
Which mathematician always tells lies?
Fibber-nacci.
In a hotel, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sleeping when a fire breaks out.
The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying…. After what seems hours of heroic fighting, the fire is gone, and he goes to sleep again.
But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the fire extinguisher …. stares at the fire for some minutes, does some calculations in his head – air flow, humidity, thermodynamic whatever – and then – with one blow from the extinguisher at the right point the fire is out and he goes to sleep again.
But the fire breaks out again. The mathematician wakes up, notices the fire, sees the extinguisher – aaaah, the problem is solvable … and goes to sleep again.
Why did that alcoholic mathematician get arrested?
Because he was deriving drunk.
How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.
Why did the mathematician get stoned on 1/5?
He simplified from 4/20.
What’s a mathematician’s favorite type of toilet paper?
Multi ply.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each handed a red rubber ball and asked to determine the volume.
Each ball had a diameter of 2 inches.
The mathematician plugged the radius of 1 inch into the equation for the volume of a sphere.
The physicist put a known volume of water into a calibrated container, submerged the ball, and with a simple subtraction determined the volume.
The engineer said he couldn’t answer the question. His handbooks had a blue rubber ball table and a green rubber ball table, but no red rubber ball table.
What’s a mathematician’s favorite dessert?
The proof is in the pudding.
What did the mathematician say after winning an eating competition?
(√-1) * 0.125
What did the mathematician say when he divided by zero?
“Here goes nothing!”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
This punchline is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader.
With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.
As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others’ laps.
When she got to the second table, there were four mathematicians seated. A bit more normal, she thought. Probably continuing some debate from the afternoon session.
When she got to the third table, there were two mathematicians seated. Ah, convention love, she sighed.
When she got the the fourth table, there was just one mathematician seated. Well, these mathematicians are sometimes solitary types, she thought.
When she got to the fifth table, she called the police.
Why do mathematicians like parks?
Because of all the natural logs.
How does a mathematician estimate how many tiny fish they’ve caught?
By using the small angle approximation.
Did you hear about the picky mathematician?
He would tri-no-mial.
Why don’t mathematicians like soft cookies?
They prefer to crunch the nummers.
A mathematician goes into a bar.
He orders a pint. Then half a pint. Then a quarter pint. Then an eighth, and so on.
Eventually, the barman hands him 2 pints and says,” You mathematicians. You just don’t know your limits.”
What is a mathematician’s favorite tree?
Geometry.
Did you hear about the whiny mathematician?
He was overly quadramatic.
What’d ya call it when a mathematician gets tagged-out at 3rd base?
A rounding error.
What does a mathematician call taking a poop?
The process of elimination.
Two people walk into an empty bus.
Three go out.
The biologist says, “They reproduced.”
The physicist says, “There was a measuring error.”
The mathematician says, “Now one has to go in so there`s no one in the bus.”
What did the mathematician call his dead parrot?
Polygon.
How do you get 100 Math Teachers into a room that only fits 99?
You carry the 1.
What do mathematicians daydream about?
Imaginary numbers.
Joe has 5 watermelons. He eats 6 watermelons. What does Joe have now?
Bad math skills and a lingering doubt about what he ate.
A husband and wife are mathematicians. Husband asks the wife if she needs anything from the store. She looks in the fridge and says she needs eggs.
“How many?” he asks standing right next to her. She yells, “4!”.
He wonders for a moment why she yelled, figures it out and comes back with two dozen.
What do you call a Swedish mathematician?
Sven Diagram.
Where do math teachers go to vacation?
Times Square.
Why do you never see Spanish Mathematicians?
Because after they count to Dos, they disappear without a Très.
What is a math teacher’s favorite superhero?
FOUR, GOD OF NUMBERS!
A time traveler talks to a mathematician.
The time traveler says, “Hello, in my grad school, I have learned that it is impossible for any number which is a power greater than the second to be written as the sum of two like powers, such as xn + yn = zn for n > 2.”
“Show me how you proved it,” the mathematician says.
“Indeed! I studied it for my thesis.”
The time traveler, then, goes on with his proof.
“Thank you, traveler, I wanted to take notes, but right now I only have this book with a tiny margin.”
Why do mathematicians enjoy lumberyards so much?
Because they love trees and derive pleasure from turning them into logs.
Why are mathematicians always so happy?
Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.
What’s the most fitting name for a kid who hates school?
Math-ew.
How does a cactus do its math homework?
He uses a cacti-lator!
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to “Go forth and multiply!”…
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, “We can’t multiply. We’re adders.”
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
What’s the derivative of Amazon?
Amazon Prime.
There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
What do you call 6.02 × 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?
One guacamole.
Why was 2.7182818284 afraid of 3.1415926535?
Because 3.141592653589.
Recommended: Adult Math Jokes
A mathematician goes to a restaurant.
They sit down and take a look at the menu. After some deliberation, they choose the 7th option on the menu.
The waiter takes their order, and after a while, the food starts to come out.
The first plate arrives, and the mathematician is a little surprised — it’s not what they ordered. The waiter returns with another plate, but again, it’s not their dish.
This continues — the waiter brings out several more plates, each one different and none matching the original order.
Eventually, the mathematician realizes the waiter has brought every item on the menu except the one they asked for.
They chuckle and say, “My complements to the set.”
Did you hear mathematicians just started using a, b, and c to symbolize quaternions?
Nahh, i jk!
Why don’t they teach Calculus in the Deep South?
Because they don’t like integration.
What math did the pope study?
Cardinality.
What is Banach Tarski an anagram for?
Banach Tarski Banach Tarski.
Do you have a funny Math Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
I know a mathematician who can’t afford lunch. He can binomial.