Pharmacies are where science meets sore throats and tiny pills fix big problems—or at least try to. The pharmacist is like a friendly wizard, reading impossible handwriting and handing out cures from shelves that sound smarter than most people.
Pharmacy jokes turn all that seriousness into laughter. They remind us that behind every prescription and puzzled customer, there’s room for humor. After all, in the world of medicine, a laugh might just be the best over-the-counter remedy.
Best Pharmacy Jokes
This man went into the pharmacy and asked the assistant, “What is the best thing for killing germs?”
“Ammonia cleaner,” she replied.
He said, “Sorry, I thought you worked here.”
Which city has the lowest cholesterol in the US?
Statin island!
Yo mama so dumb, she studied for her pharmacy exam by taking ALL the drugs!
Just bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy.
It gave me a good run for my money.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
HIPAA.
(HIPAA who?)
Sorry, I can’t tell you that information…
What do you call a pill that tells the perfect joke?
Atenolol.
How do you handle metronidazole?
Carefully, because it’s flagyl.
At a medical symposium, a doctor is preparing to give his speech on a new form of treatment that could save many lives. He has a terrible memory and gets nervous quite easily, so he writes his notes beforehand.
When he finally gets on stage to present his discovery is horrified to realize he can’t read any of his notes!
After a moment of silence, he asks, “Is there a Pharmacist in the audience?”
A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks, “Do you have any antiseptics here?”
The clerk says, “Absolutely not, we’re very respectful of the Jewish community.”
Drove to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills…
Drove back slowly so I don’t wake the sleeping pills up.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him… He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either”.
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Gimme some Chapstick…
…and put it on my bill.”
Why are fairies not allowed in pharmacies?
Apixaban.
A bear enters a bar asking for a beer. The surly lady bartender says she refuses to serve bears. The bear responds that he just wants a beer and he’ll be on his way. The bartender again says she’s not serving him.
They go back and forth until the bear gets mad and eats her. Full from his meal, he falls asleep, and wakes a while later groggily. He asks the nearest patron what happened. “You passed out, it must have been that barbiturate.”
What do you take before going to the casino?
Pregamblin.
Why did the patient go to Arby’s?
They were allergic to ACEby’s
Jamie’s wife got sick and was coughing all night, keeping them both awake.
She asked him to go to the pharmacy to get something to help. He scored some cheap earplugs and slept just fine after that.
Dad had the opportunity to buy his medications directly from the pharmacy company. “Here is your prescription sir, that will be $515 dollars.” Dad was a bit hard of hearing so he only heard the $15. He dropped that amount on the counter and left. The clerk yelled “Wait sir, $515 dollars!”
But Dad was already gone so they reported it to the manager. “Should we call the police sir?” “No, $5 profit is better than nothing.”
Why was the ghost that haunted the pharmacy arrested?
Illegal possession of drugs.
What do you give a pirate with heart failure?
Arrrrrb.
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it, and has new knowledge about English literature. “What else do you have?” asks the student. “Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?” The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment,” goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter. “I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.
The pharmacist replies, “Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow.”
How did the P1 learn more about Clarithromycin?
Biaxin!
What does a bodybuilder take for muscle spasms?
FLEXeril.
A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.
“ephedrine?”
“I can’t serve you that.”
“sudoephedrine”
“There you go.”
What does the monk take for heartburn?
Ohhhhmeprazole.
Three farmers entered a drug store to purchase medicines.
Farmer A, farmer B and pharmacy.
Recommended: Adult Pharmacy Jokes
A man walking in the street sees a coffin bouncing toward him.
Terrified, he runs away, between cars, through front yards, nothing works
Finally, he runs into a pharmacy, and out of desperation, throws a bottle of cough syrup at it
Only then does the coffin’ stop.
Our local politician just opened a neighborhood pharmacy store.
He is now a piller of the community.
Why can’t Tinkerbell take Eliquis?
There’s been A pixie ban.
A man came into a pharmacy and went up to the counter.
“Do you have a shampoo for fleas?”
“Certainly, sir. Do you have a dog or a cat?”
“I have fleas.”
Where do you buy a farm?
At the pharmacy.
What does Mufasa take for his cholesterol?
Simbastatin.
A chemist walks into his pharmacy and sees a man standing in the corner with his hand on his stomach.
He asks his assistant what happened. “The man came in with a cough, but since we were out of cough syrup, I gave him a laxative,” his assistant says.
“You can’t treat a cough with a laxative,” the chemist says. “Sure, you can, see how scared he is to cough.”
What do you call a pharmacy that hurts you?
A “harmacy”.
Recommended: Nurse Jokes
Did you hear about the diabetic girl who went the the club?
She had a great night and Metformin!
A pony goes into a pharmacy and asks for some throat lozenges.
The pharmacist asks, “Do you have a cold?”.
The pony replies, “No. I’m just a little hoarse.”
A boy walked into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to give him something to cure the hiccups….
The pharmacist merely leaned over and slapped the kid on the back.
“Why did you do that to me?” asked the boy.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups now, do you!”
The boy replied, “No, but my mom out in the care still does!”
What do you call a pharmacy that’s next door?
A Nearmacy.
What did the angry, dying fungus say to his assassin?
“You’re a huge azole!”
A bald lawyer walks into a pharmacy.
He asks, “Do you have hair conditioner?”
The clerk, “You’re bald, why do u need it?”
The lawyer said, “I need to know the terms and conditions.”
What do you get with every transaction at the pharmacy?
Parareciptamol.
What do Scots take for fungal groin infections?
‘Sporranox!’
Recommended: Gynecologist Jokes
Three young boys are headed through town one day,
And they’re talkin’ about what they wanna be when they grow up. Ricky: “I’m gonna be the sheriff, and lock up every criminal in this town!”
Emmet: “Yeah? Well I’m gonna be fire chief, and put out every fire in this town!”
Johnny: “I’m gonna be a vitamin.”
Emmet: “You got toys in the attic, John boy?”
Ricky: “Musta gone looneytunes or somethin’!”
Johnny: (pointing at the sign in the window of the pharmacy they just passed) “Nope!”
Window sign: “Vitamin B-1– TRY IT!”
Yo mama so old, her birth control is listed as a historical artifact at the pharmacy.
A pharmacist gives a nurse two 30-pound steel balls and locks her in a padded cell with no windows and only the one door.
He opens the door thirty seconds later and the nurse has broken one and lost the other.
Do you have a funny Pharmacy Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
Hypochondria is the powerhouse of the pharmacy.
A constipated guy walks into a pharmacy and orders something to go…