Programming is like learning a secret language that computers understand, but humans often scratch their heads over. Developers spend hours typing code, hoping it works, only to be greeted by an error message with less helpful advice than a fortune cookie. In this world of logic and endless debugging, Programming Jokes emerge as the only thing keeping programmers sane during late-night coding marathons.
When you dive into Programming Jokes, it’s like finding a treasure chest of laughs hidden in the mess of semicolons and curly braces. These jokes give coders a reason to chuckle at their pain, like realizing they’ve spent hours fixing a problem that didn’t exist. After all, who else would find humor in arguing with a compiler or discovering that the real bug was human error all along?!
Best Programming Jokes
British people writing code be all like:
Init
Our team had a debate about the best names for looping variables.
i won.
Working with hexadecimal is cool A-F.
What do you call if a programmer gets an interview because of a recommendation?
Then they being passed by reference.
Why are ‘i’ and ‘j’ a good source of information?
They’re always in the loop.
[‘S’,’u’,’n’,’s’,’h’,’i’,’n’,’e’]
Array of sunshine.
Why do developers use dark IDE themes?
Because bugs are attracted to the light.
What’s a ghost’s favorite data type?
A boooolean.
If you’re paid to code, you’re a programmer. But what if it’s a hobby?
Then you are just a grammer.
PSA: Please be advised that “beef stew” is no longer an allowable password.
It’s not stroganoff.
A man walks into a pet shop and sees 3 monkeys, each in a cage, each with a computer.
The man is curious and walks up to the clerk and asks, “What is the story with the monkeys? “They are programming monkeys – for example this one here can complete 100 lines of C++ in an hour – only 100$.” The first monkey was busy typing away, and sure enough it was flawless code.
They moved on to the second monkey who was typing even faster. “This monkey knows Java, C++ and helped develop Julia – 1000$ for this one.”
“What about that last monkey in the biggest cage?” the man asked. “Well he is 10000$’s….” “That’s must be an amazing monkey! What does he do?” the man asked.
“Well, when he was brought in all he did was sit there while the other monkeys worked, so we figured he must be executive management.”
How do hackers escape the police?
\police
Why does Task Manager use the phrase “Kill the Application”?
Because they are all executable!
Why do programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 25 Dec == 31 Oct.
How long does a loop last?
For a while.
[“hip”,”hip”]
hip hip array!
Why did this girl dump her boyfriend after he named a class after her?
She felt like he treated her like an object.
As a programmer, sometimes I feel a void.
And I know I’ve reached the point of no return.
How did pirates collaborate before computers?
Pier to pier networking.
Microsoft’s underwater data center is going to be holding lots of assembly language and other low-level languages.
Code that’s all below C level.
!false
It’s funny because it’s true.
A programmer shows up for an interview at a small corporation. During the interview, he is told that if he were to take the job, his tasks would primarily involve going through a list of projects stored in an Excel spreadsheet, one by one. The programmer asks the interviewer if the company gives increased salaries over time.
The interviewer responds, “Yes. You’ll receive a single raise while working here. It will happen after you begin the 26th row on the project list. After that, you will not receive another raise for the rest of your time here.”
The interviewer offers the programmer a position, and the programmer accepts the job, and celebrates by going to a bar with his friend. After telling his friend about the interview, his friend asks, “Why would you take a job with no room for growth?”
The programmer responds, “because a raise starts at Z row.”
Why do software testers have so many children?
Because they’re trained to reproduce mistakes.
Why does x86 have so many instructions?
Because having too few would be too RISC-y.
Why are people from Norway so good at editing files in Linux?
Their ancestors are vi-kings.
Where does the USA keep its backups?
USB.
Why did the database administrator leave his wife?
Because she had one-to-many relationships.
What’s the difference between a dentist and a web page?
The doctype.
How much does the first parameter of a shell script cost?
$1.
Why did true get expelled from Java?
Because he was boolean all the other variables.
What language did IKEA do?
Assembly.
Why doesn’t Jeff Bezos let Amazon programmers use C/C++?
Because he’s against unions.
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
Two SQL developers walk into a bar & then walk straight out.
Because there were no tables they could join.
What did the suicidal programmer name his final project?
Goodbye World.
If you hold the Unix shell up to your ear…
Can you hear the C?
My username is “binary” and my password is “search”…
If you’ve ever wondered about my log n details.
Did you hear that Bash got cancer?
It’s terminal.
Why do Linux users always code in the dark?
Because they don’t have windows.
A SQL query walks into a bar.
It walks up to two tables and says, “Mind if I join you?”
I’m starting a band called HTML Encoder
Looking to buy a guitar &
Why did the programmer quit their job?
Because they didn’t get arrays.
Why are Jedi banned from GitHub?
They kept force pushing their changes.
Which variables does Muhammad Ali declare in every piece of code he writes?
float likeAButterfly;
string likeABee;
Why is programming a lot like love making?
One mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.
A UDP packet walks into a bar. A UDP packet walks into a bar. A UDP packet walks into a bar. A UDP packet walks into a bar. A UDP packet walks into a bar.
The bartender says “hello.”
A TCP packet walks into a bar and says “I’d like a beer.” The barman replies “You’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”
A BitTorrent packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Everyone in the bar who already has a beer gives him a sip.
A BitTorrent packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Everyone in the bar who already has a beer gives him a sip.
I saw a Mac user amusing himself – switching between viewing text file contents through terminal and then clicking the file icon to open it.
It was a bizarre game of cat and mouse.
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they prefer the dark mode.
Why is Java like an overprotective mother?
Doesn’t even let you take out your garbage.
My girlfriend is learning Linux and asked me what a kernel panic is.
I told her it’s what happened when the kernel only has 10 herbs and spices.
What’s the second movie about a database engineer called?
The SQL.
What did the doctor say to the man who is moving from a GUI to a CLI?
“You’re now entering the terminal stage of your life.”
How does a programmer escape a bear?
\🐻
Who is MongoDB’s favorite singer?
JSON derulo.
Why did Tesla upgrade their hash algorithm from SHA-1 to SHA-512?
To reduce collisions.
A guy walks into a bar and asks for 1.4 root beers.
The bartender says “I’ll have to charge you extra, that’s a root beer float.”
The guy says, “In that case, better make it a double.”
You can continue whenever you want.
But you can only take a break once in a while.
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but It’s of no use to anyone.”
The man below replies, “You must work in management.”
“I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”*
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
Why do frontend devs always eat alone?
They dont know how to join tables!
Linux is not magic.
It is sudo-science.
What did Gandalf say to the poorly formatted date string?
“YOU SHALL NOT PARSE!”
I hear the movie “Databases” is really good.
I’m looking forward to the SQL.
Why did the web developer accept a 200 dollar raise?
200 is OK.
Age is just a number and death is just a Boolean.
How does Karl Marx know when it’s time to free up memory?
When the class has no function.
Why don’t bachelors like Git?
Because they are afraid to commit.
I have an async joke.
I promise it will be good.
A man came into work, and one of his co-workers had a parrot on his shoulder. All though the morning, the bird would squawk and say, “pieces of seven, pieces of seven”.
Finally, he could stand it no longer and went to the co-worker’s cubicle. “Shouldn’t it be ‘pieces of eight’?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s a parroty error.”
Why do programmers take forever to wash their hair?
The instructions on the shampoo bottle say “lather, rinse, repeat”, but don’t have a loop termination condition.
What part of the bathroom can handle water concurrently?
async.
Do you know what the hackers did when the police came to their door?
They ransomware safe.
A developer was arrested for writing bad code.
We reached out to the alleged criminal but he refused to comment.
One of my CS students asked me for a book on references in C++
I didn’t have one, so instead I offered him a few pointers.
My computer showed up late to work today.
Must’ve had a hard drive.
Why does Yoda’s code always crash?
Because there is no try.
Humans are being tested against the new AI program.
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn’t move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA.
Why is code like a joke?
If you have to explain it, it’s bad.
See? Because if you have to explain a joke, it’s not funny.
How do you cheer up an unhappy tree?
You console.log
What do you get when you SELECT * FROM goblins, dragons, elves, unicorns
A query tale.
Why can’t an AI be gender-fluid?
Because then it would be non-binary!
Do Python users enjoy using functions?
Def.
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, “B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?”
God smiled all-knowingly, “Jesus saves.”
Wanna hear a joke on documentation?
It’s not done yet.
What’s the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
Inheritance.
Had to go to the ER yesterday because a snake bit me 8 times.
They only treated me for one byte.
Why does C++ make programmers smash their keys in frustration?
It’s a strongly typed language.
Olivia began this summer writing low-level code to interface with devices.
She got her Drivers License.
When in school this guy used to always beat me up and change all the trues in my program to falses.
He was always Boolean me.
Why is the main() function in C/C++ sad?
Because no other function calls it.
Why don’t communists program in Java?
They want a classless society.
99 programming bugs in the code.
99 programming bugs.
Take one down, patch it all up.
111 programming bugs in the code.
I maintain the automation software at a lumber mill and today the system crashed.
We had to check all the logs.
Why did nextInt() and nextDouble() break up?
Because they couldn’t get a long.
What do you call a hardware developer who accidentally plugged 5 V logic to a 3.3 V UART port?
A serial killer.
What do you call someone who doesn’t understand hexadecimal?
How the 15 should I know?!
Why did Microsoft call their browser Edge?
It’s abbreviated from “edge case”.
A guy and a girl are in the same programming class.
Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl’s bre@st.
Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says, “What are you doing!? Those are private!”
He only states, “How is that? We’re in the same class.”
What do you call a GPT model trained only on 4Chan?
Degenerative AI.
A programmer husband is sent to town by his wife to get bread.
She says, “Oh, and while you’re there, get some eggs.”
He never came back.
There are only two hard problems in computer science.
Naming, caching and off-by-one errors.
What extension do Soviet programmers use on their C++ files?
.cccp
Why wasn’t the programmer bothered when he got parasites?
He was used to seeing bugs in his logs.
What do you get when you mix logic gates with lifting weights?
XOR-cising.
My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.
I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi.
I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college.
My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent.
When are Programming jokes fun?
Only when executed properly.
Don’t ask SQL developers to help with moving a furniture.
They drop tables.
Do you want to know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dadabase.
What message does a Quantum-Computer return when you’re viewing a file?
“Do you want to save those changes?”
The pessimist sees the glass as 1/2 empty. The optimist sees the glass as 1/2 full.
Excel sees the glass as January 2nd.
Why do C programmers make good Buddhists?
Because they are not object-oriented.
Recommended: AI Jokes
Why are Palestinian and Kurdish programmers so good at designing scalable systems?
They have a lot of experience with statelessness.
Do you want to know the secret to object-oriented programming?
Sorry, it’s classified.
What does a depressive C programmer do?
He tries to fill the void.
Why are C programmers uneducated?
They didn’t have classes.
Why do people hate JavaScript devs?
Because they overreact.
Which is better, C or C++?
They’re both equally good, because c == c++.
Why was the GET request reluctant to go the party?
Because they had no body to go with!
Space colonization
I: :think: :I: :may: :have: :figured: :it: :out.
The reason I don’t trust people that use MatLab.
They are always plotting something.
Programmers destroy the most gaming consoles.
They break their switch in most cases.
What’s the highest rank you can receive in the United States Army IT Department?
Kernel.
Why is Poseidon a bad programmer?
Because he mainly Ctrl-C.
Why are Linux users immune to viruses?
Because they’re always working from /home.
Why is it better to be the child of C++ programmers rather than Java programmers?
Multiple inheritance.
What do you call two programmers arguing while getting on a highway?
A merge conflict.
Recommended: Data Science Jokes
What’s it called when you need to clear cache but you also need to keep your login sesion because you can’t remember your password?
A cache 22.
Did you hear about the bored programmer that reverse-engineered an online spreadsheet tool?
He just did it for Sheets & Googles.
Your code is so bad that…
The Garbage Collector killed itself.
Why did Julius Caesar spend a month every year using vim?
Because he was told to beware the IDEs of March.
Why is inserting a new line racist?
It requires the \n word.
What do Russian computers do?
ComPutin.
What’s a C programmer’s favorite Pokemon?
A char* zard
A Christian evangelist told a programmer “If you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, you will go to hell!”
The programmer replied, “Don’t you know that goto is bad programming practice?”
Our Cybersecurity Engineer passed away last week.
He was encrypted.
What would Adele say if she was a web developer?
“Hello from the server side”
What is the most used programming language ever?
Profanity.
Learn about if statements NOW!
|| else
Why did the Python programmer get a stomachache?
He was missing a colon.
Why do programmers like to put Integer jokes in code?
Because the Real jokes are in the comments.
Why did the c programmer fail as a lawyer?
He couldn’t object.
Recommended: Machine Learning Jokes
3 Database Engineers walk into a bar.
…then walk out an hour later. They couldn’t find a table.
Why do Python developers have such awful teeth?
because they don’t get braces.
Why is programming not like cooking?
Cooking: You peel the potato, then you chop the potato, then you put the potato in the stew.
Programming: The peeler is several versions behind and they dropped support for potatoes in version 3.5.
Why is gorillas’ vision useful to programmers?
Because they have an apey eye.
Why do hardcore Linux users like cats?
They want to install Linux From Scratch.
Why do web developers wear glasses?
To improve their site.
Why do people ignore global warming?
Because it’s not an error.
What did Noah say to the ignorant people before the flood?
“Btw I use Ark.”
What do vampires and C language have in common?
Both have no reflection.
What is a Disney lawyer’s most favorite Windows command?
ipconfig /renew
Why did the programmers zip his pants up during his date?
His pull request was denied.
Why do pythons have only 4 fingers?
Because they don’t have pointers.
What kind of dogs do programmers have?
Computer Labs.
Recommended: Computer Science Jokes
What coding principle shouldn’t slip into the bedroom?
DRY.
A traveling salesman gets into a self-driving car…
… and the car says “uh oh”.
Why are properties happier than methods?
Because they don’t have arguments.
Why did the cryptographer throw up at McDonalds?
Because they couldn’t digest a big MAC.
Recursing was invented by a programmer when he tried to curse twice.
What’s the best part of getting a vasectomy as a programmer?
Being able to close all your bug reports as “Cannot Reproduce”.
What do you call P*rnhub’s storage array?
A data wh*re house.
Why are blind people bad at programming?
Because they can’t C.
Do you have a funny programming joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
