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What is the Justinder joke by Andrew Schulz?
The joke Andrew Schulz was from Scotiabank Arena, Toronto, ON on September 30, 2023. Here it goes: "I saw a headline that said 'Punjabi Separatist Assinated!' I said, 'Oh No! They got Trudeau!' They got him! They got Justinder! How the hell?! How the hell they assassinate Justinder? Did they force hRead more
The joke Andrew Schulz was from Scotiabank Arena, Toronto, ON on September 30, 2023.
See lessHere it goes:
“I saw a headline that said ‘Punjabi Separatist Assinated!’ I said, ‘Oh No! They got Trudeau!’ They got him! They got Justinder! How the hell?! How the hell they assassinate Justinder? Did they force him to kiss his wife on camera?!
Then I looked up the details of the assassination where the dude was assassinated, India sent some motherf*ckers here to assassinate. I am like why is nobody talking about the story then I looked up the guy who was assassinated. His name (Wry Smile). His first name is Hardeep and his last name is spelled ‘N-I-J-J-E-R’. That’s too close, that too f*cking close, I am sorry! White people, we can’t share this story, we got to sit this one out. I saw Punjabis in the street saying ‘Say his name!’ I am sorry but we can’t. Can you give us that pass? Can you even give us an ‘N-word’ pass?!
Now to be fair, if you are gonna assassinate an Indian guy then you gotta shoot him, ’cause you can’t poison them ’cause they eat y’all food, you know. Indians’ stomachs are indestructible bro. Poison is for white people. You can assassinate me with Cilantro. I’m out easily. All I am saying is Toronto that’s its unbelievable. An Indian was killed on Canadian soil and it wasn’t in a residential school man, can you believe it?!”
If H2O is water, what is H2O4?
Drinking.
Drinking.
See lessWho do you go see if you need to buy some black market midget body parts?
A small arms dealer.
A small arms dealer.
See lessWhat is the 9th letter of the alphabet?
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
See lessDid you hear that Justin Timberlake has announced his intention to assist the war effort in Ukraine?
It’s reported he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River.
It’s reported he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River.
See lessWhat is the Hertz donut joke?
Back in the 90s, I remember playing some N64 after school when my dad came home from work. He comes into the living room and asks me what's up and, as a teen, I say "nuthin" and keep playing while he just stands there. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he's looking at me with a stupid grin on hRead more
Back in the 90s, I remember playing some N64 after school when my dad came home from work. He comes into the living room and asks me what’s up and, as a teen, I say “nuthin” and keep playing while he just stands there. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he’s looking at me with a stupid grin on his face that’s he’s trying to suppress poorly. Finally, he asks me to pause the game. I turn to him and he asks “You want a Hertz donut?” I obviously know this joke, but to make it worse, he’s already making a fist, ready at his side. I roll my eyes and say “No, I do not want a Hertz donut.” He just relaxes his hand and says surprised “Oh, you don’t? You sure?” I say I’m sure and he says okay and walks back out to his car, leaving me to return to my GoldenEye. A few seconds later, he comes strolling back in the room, with a box of a dozen donuts in his hand, while he’s eating one, with the same stupid grin on his face. On the box of donuts, “Dunkin” has been crudely crossed out and Hertz written beneath it in Sharpie marker. He walks into the kitchen saying “Guess you won’t be having these Hertz donuts!” I’m in awe. I follow him into the kitchen and he finally relents and lets me take a donut. I ask him “So, you bought these donuts, and just put this joke together on the way home?” He says he thought of the joke earlier in the day at work and had to buy the donuts for the bit. I start laughing hysterically thinking about him sitting at work itching to leave to pull this off. As we sit there, quietly eating these donuts, he breaks the silence with a mouth full of donut, with “Had to stop at CVS to pick up a Sharpie too.” I almost choked on the donut jimmies.
See lessWhat is the Japanese Golfer joke?
An American man goes to Japan to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a woman in the hotel bar. She speaks no English but they get their transaction settled and go to his room. In bed, she is wildly thrashing around and screaming a phrase in Japanese. The manRead more
An American man goes to Japan to close a big business deal.
See lessThe night before, he is very tense so he picks up a woman in the hotel bar. She speaks no English but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.
In bed, she is wildly thrashing around and screaming a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is saying.
The next day, he is playing golf with a Japanese customer, on the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup – a hole in one!
Thinking to impress his client, he repeats the phrase he heard the night before. The Japanese golfer looks at him and says, “What do you mean… Wrong hole?”