60 Funny Akpos Jokes to Tell Your Nigerian Friends

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Jessica Amlee

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Nigeria’s comedy scene emerged from backgrounds marked by struggle, aligning with the country’s turbulent transition to democracy at the millennium’s turn. Comedic pioneers translated these hardships into humor, creating a sense of connection and amusement among audiences.

One figure, Akpos, symbolized those facing the toughest conditions. Usually depicted as a Warri boy, he embodied the ‘ajekpakos’ (slang for people from tough backgrounds), becoming an iconic character in Nigerian comedy. His name, as suggested by researcher Ibukun Filani, might be inspired by ‘Ali Baba’, the real-life patriarch of Nigerian stand-up comedy. In short, it is similar to how Americans would use Little Johnny or Chuck Norris.

Akpos’ character, carefully shaped over a decade, made a seamless transition to the big screen. In the movie ’30 Days In Atlanta’ and its sequel ‘A Trip to Jamaica’, comedian Ayo Makun brings Akpos to life, getting involved in global pranks. These films rank among Nigeria’s top five highest-grossing movies, underlining Akpos’ enduring popularity.

Now, that you have learned about Akpos let’s check out some of the funniest jokes in which he is often portrayed as a mischievous, naive, and humorous individual who gets into funny and sometimes absurd situations.

Best Akpos Jokes

Teacher: If a man from Mexico is called a Mexican. What is a man from Jericho called?
Akpos: Jerry can.

A teacher was explaining letter writing to her students she told them to write a letter to someone for classwork.
Teacher: Akpos who are you writing to?
Akpos: I am writing to myself.
Teacher: what is in the letter?
Akpos: I don’t know, I haven’t received it yet.

Two Nigerian girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl.
Akpos: Hello.
Ugly girl: Hi.
Akpos: Wanna dance?
Ugly Girl: Yes (excited).
Akpos: Ok, go and dance, I wanna talk to your friend.

Akpos just finished withdrawing money from his account. A man saw him.
Man: I saw your account is ****.
Akpos: Idiot my account number that is 5496 is what you are saying is ****.

I was raped at the age of nine – Oprah Winfrey.
I was in prison for 27 years – Nelson Mandela.
I once cried because I had no shoes to play soccer – Zidane.
I grew up in the largest slum in Africa – Octopizzo.
I struggled for 15 years to make it in comedy – Churchill.
I was a house help before I started music – Gloria Muliro.
I was a school drop out – Mark Zuckerberg.
I was the president of comedy before I became a beggar – Akpos.

Teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Cynthia, 3 to Sonia, and 2 to Mercy, then what will you get?
Akpos: 3 new girlfriends Ma!

Akpos and his son were listening to a radio broadcast.
Eventually, the son looked at his dad and said, “Papa! These people are making a very big mistake.”
Akpos asked him, “Son. what is the matter?”
His son replied, “When Mr. Obi died, they announced ‘OBITUARY’ and now Mr. Okoro is dead but they still announced obituary again instead of ‘OKOROTUARY.’

AKPOS: Mum, when I grow up, I will marry a woman who is much prettier than you are.
Mother: That was what your father said to his mum, but he ended up marrying a baboon!

Akpos promised his girlfriend twenty thousand nairas while chatting with her on WhatsApp. A week later, she unexpectedly visited him while he was about to travel. “Honey! Where’s the 20k you promised me last week?” She asked.
“I don’t have any money with me right now babe, but here’s my ATM card. You can withdraw all the amount in my account.”
He gave her his ATM card and left for Abuja, knowing fully well he had nothing in his account. Halfway through his journey, he received a call from his friend.
“Hello. Akpos, I just deposited the 100,000 nairas I’ve been owing you for six months now into your account now. You should get an alert on your phone soon.
Akpos is right now in the hospital for crashing his car into a tree.

Museum administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken.
Akpos: Thank God. I thought it was a new one.

Recommended: Nigerian Jokes

In an English class.
Teacher: Mercy swept the whole Compound. What type of sentence is that?
Akpos: Compound sentence sir!

Emeka: You are a fool Akpos! You don’t know anything.
Akpos: Haha Emeka! It’s a lie.
Emeka: It’s true! I will prove it. If you see two rays of light on the road at night, what will you call it?
Akpos: A car.
Emeka: Ehen, but which kind of car? A Benz, A Peugeot, or A Lexus?
Akpos: I don’t know that one oh!
Emeka: You see! Anyway, second proof. If you see a ray of light on the road at night, what will you call it?
Akpos: An okada (motorbike)!
Emeka: Ehen! Which one? A Suzuki, A Yamaha, or A Kawasaki?
Akpos: Haha! How am I supposed to know?
Emeka: You see! I’ve shown you that you are a fool.
Akpos: Na wa o! This your question self. Let me ask you my own question. If you see a woman on the roadside with a miniskirt, big breasts, red lips, and a big ass, what will you call her?
Emeka: A prostitute!
Akpos: Ehen, but which one? Your mother, your sister, or your daughter!?

Akpos was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbor knocking on his door one Friday evening.
“I’m feeling so lonely that I can’t stand it,” she said. “I want to go out, get drunk, and want to enjoy my life. Are you free tonight?”
“Yes”, Akpos replied enthusiastically.
“Wonderful,” she said. “Would you watch my kids?”

One day Akpos read the bible for about four hours and made an amazing discovery. He rushed to his father and asked him some pertinent questions.
Akpos: God owns all thing and because He’s very rich, He blesses His children and makes them rich too.
Father: Yes I know, so what’s your point?
Akpos: Even Satan is wealthy too because his children become rich through drug trafficking, arm robbery, corruption, kidnapping, child trafficking, etc
Father: Hmmm, I also know that but you still haven’t made a point.
Akpos: My point is, God is blessed, yet He didn’t bless you. Satan has money, yet he didn’t give you. Now you are very poor… (he paused for a while) I want to know dad, who the hell is your father?

A conversation between Akpos and his dad.
Father: So Akpos my son, are you taking any foreign language in school this year?
Akpos: Yes dad, I’m taking maths.

Akpos was being discharged from a Mental Hospital after doctors thought he was finally back to normal. He was put in an ambulance to be taken back home. He claimed he knew the house so he led the doctors. They took him to where he claimed he lived.
Just as they approached a certain house, two kids, dressed in uniforms came out of the house. Akpos screamed, “Those are my children going to school!” A minute later, a woman came out of the same house and Akpos screamed, “That’s my wife, she is late for work!” This time, the doctors were convinced Akpos was ‘ok’ and took him out of the ambulance but was still in chains.
Just as they were about to unlock the chains, a man came out of the house and Akpos screamed, “Yes! That’s me going to work!”

Teacher: Who can give me an example of a co-incidence?
Akpos: My mother and father married the same day.

One morning, Akpos’s wife was kidnapped.
He received a message in the afternoon, which included a picture of his wife gagged and tied up, asking him to pay a ransom of one million naira if he ever wants to see his wife again. Akpos replied to the message, “You fool! My wife is fine at work, so you can’t deceive me with a fake picture.”
When the kidnapper received his reply, he angrily cuts off one of his wife’s fingers and sent it as a parcel to Akpos. When Akpos got the parcel, he called the kidnapper on the phone and said, “This can be anybody’s finger, send me her head instead!”

Akpos’s father: A little bird told me you’re doing drugs.
Akpos: You’re talking with birds and I am the one doing drugs?!

Akpos was eating chocolate in a Lagos BRT.
Middle-aged man: Do you know that eating chocolate could damage your teeth?
Akpos: Do you know that my grandfather lived 100 years?
Middle-aged man: Was it by eating chocolate?
Akpos: No it was by minding his own business.

Akpos went to a native doctor and requested to know how bright his destiny would be. The native doctor drew a circle with white chalk and another circle with black chalk. After that, he placed a dead millipede on the floor and asked Akpos to watch carefully.
He said he would recite some incantation to make the dead millipede start crawling. He told Akpos that if the millipede crawls into the white circle, it means that his destiny will be bright but if it crawls inside the black circle, it means his destiny will be dark.
Finally, he started his incantation and the dead millipede started crawling. When it got in between the two circles, it turned and started crawling toward the black circle.
Akpos watched and immediately it was about to enter the black circle, Akpos picked it up and gently dropped it inside the white circle. The native doctor who got furious asked Akpos why he did that.
Akpos replied, “I won’t fold my arms and watch my destiny crawl into darkness because my destiny is in my hands.

A man, angry at the unavailability of toothpicks in the house when he wanted to use one himself after eating a meal called Akpos, his houseboy.
Owner: Akpos! Why are the toothpicks finishing faster than normal?
Akpos: Oga. It must be your children because any time I use a toothpick, I always return it.

Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital.
When he got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on the phone and asked, “Is there anyone in Room Eight at Ward One?” The Receptionist on the phone replied, “Just a minute sir hold on let me check.”
A while later the receptionist came back on the phone and said, “There is no one sir.” Akpos exclaimed; “Wow! Okay, my dear.” The Receptionist said, “But why did you ask sir?
Akpos replied, “I want to be sure that I’ve escaped.”

In an International Mathematics competition question was asked, “How do you write 4 in between 5?”
Chinese: Is this a Joke?
Japanese: Impossible!
American: The question is wrong.
Briton: Not found on the Internet.
Akpos: F(IV)E.

During an English lesson, the teacher instructed his students to write a composition.
Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience.
Akpos did not write anything and kept seated. The teacher got puzzled, walked to Akpos’s desk, and asked him why he was not doing the exercise. Akpos replied, “I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war.”

Mother: Apkos, can you please clean the fish I bought from the market?
Akpos: Wtf?!
Mother: What do you mean by WTF?
Akpos: Where’s the fish.

Teacher: Akpos, can you differentiate between a horse and a zebra?
Akpos: Yes sir.
Teacher: (brings a picture of a horse) Which one is this?
Akpos: It’s a horse, sir.
Teacher: Excellent! (now brings a zebra) And which one is this?
Akpos: It’s still a horse sir, but now it’s wearing pyjamas.

Kwame: Akpos, why do you keep the door open anytime you are having your bath?
Akpos: Because I am scared someone might see me naked through the keyhole.

Akpos’s wife was pregnant and she wanted to surprise him at home.
Wife: Darling, guess what?
Akpos: What?
Wife: I went for the scan today and the scan revealed that I’m pregnant with a set of twins.
Akpos: Really? Two babies?
Wife: (excited) Yes!
Akpos: So who is the father of the second child?

A woman giving testimony on how she survived an accident claimed that the car somersaulted 17 times. Akpos who was who in the congregation stood up and said, “Madam, so of all things to do, you were busy counting how many times the car somersaulted?”

Akpos was having trouble with a mouse in his house.
Akpos: I’am in big trouble.
Johnny: Why is that?
Akpos: I saw a mouse in my house!
Johnny: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
Akpos: I don’t have one.
Johnny: Well then, buy one.
Akpos: Can’t afford one.
Johnny: I can give you mine if you want.
Akpos: That sounds good.
Johnny: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
Akpos: I don’t have any cheese.
Johnny: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
Akpos: I don’t have oil.
Johnny: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
Akpos: I don’t have bread.
Johnny: Then what is the mouse doing in your house!?

Teacher: The process of developing from a child to an adult is called?
Akpos: Adultery!

There was a girl Akpos really loved but he never had the guts to tell her how much he loves her. One night, at around 11 pm, he summoned some courage and sent her an sms message saying, “I love you so much, I wanna date you. Please reply and tell me how you feel about me.” A few seconds later he received a message alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tense to open it that night, so he decided not to check the reply until the next morning when he will be less tensed.
When he woke up the next day, he said his prayers, did his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast, took his bath and combed his hair, then jumped back to his bed and gently picked up his phone to read the message. So he started reading “Dear customer you have insufficient balance to complete your request. Kindly recharge your account and try again. Thank you.”

A teacher came to the class and advised the children to work hard.
She said, “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
Akpos stood up and asked the teacher, “If money doesn’t grow on the tree, why do banks have branches?

Kwame: Akpos why are you writing this letter so slow?
Akpos: Because the person going to read it cannot read fast.

Akpos was in a taxi with a man who was trying to outsmart him.
Man: Do you know about wind electricity?
Akpos: No.
Man: Do you know about nuclear power stations?
Akpos: No but let me ask you one question, rams excretes pellets, horses excretes lumps while sheep excretes the same things as ram why is it so?
Man: I don’t know.
Akpos: Do you really think you are qualified to talk about nuclear power stations when you don’t know anything about shit?

Teacher: ‘I killed a person.’ Convert it to future tense.
Akpos: The future tense is, ‘You will go to jail.’

Father: Akpos how were your exams today?
Akpos: It was very difficult so I didn’t even go to the exam center
Father: Ah! If you didn’t go there, how do you know that it was difficult?
Akpos: I saw the questions yesterday.

Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?
Akpos: It was something my last boss said.
Interviewer: What did he say?
Akpos: You are fired!

The Nigerian army was losing a lot of personnel in the war and desperately needed more people to fill their ranks and files to fight the war. So one of the top officers approached Akpos to enlist.
Officer: We desperately need you in the army.
Akpos: I’ll join but on three conditions.
Officer: Ok, what are the conditions?
Akpos: My first condition is that I’ll not wear the uniform because it’s quite heavy and stiff.
Officer: Ok. What is the second condition?
Akpos: I’ll not do the parade and other training under the sun because it will be too hot, I’ll only do it under a shed or some kind of shadow cover.
Officer: Ok, what is your third condition?
Akpos: My last and most important condition is that during the time of war, I’ll go on leave.

Little Akpos came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “of course not.”
Little Akpos then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

Pastor: Poverty is a disease, you have to fight poverty.
Suddenly, Akpos got up and started walking out of the church.
Pastor: Sir, why are you leaving in the middle of the sermon?
Akpos: Why are you telling me to fight a war I can’t win?
Pastor: What do you mean?
Akpos: My parents are poor, my siblings are poor, the whole of Warri town where I was born is poor. Now tell me which kind weapon I wan take fight Warri?

Akpos: Excuse me, ma’am!
Teacher: How may I help you?
Akpos: Will you beat me for something I did not do?
Teacher: No, why would I?
Akpos: Thank God! I did not do my home work.

Interviewer: Where were you born?
Akpos: Lagos.
Interviewer: Which part?
Akpos: What do you mean which part? The whole body was born in Lagos.

Cynthia: Am I beautiful?
Akpos: Yes.
Cynthia: Am I smart?
Akpos: Yes.
Cynthia: Am I one in a million?
Akpos: Yes.
Cynthia: Why are you saying yes to all of my questions
Akpos: Because the truth is bitter.

Akpos had 100 nairas and went to a corner shop to buy chewing gum.
At the shop, Akpos asks the shopkeeper, “Can I please have a berry chewing gum?”
The shopkeeper answers, “Sorry sir, chewing gum is 300 naira.”
Akpos asks, “Okay. How much is it if I chew it here inside the shop?”

Akpos went to the doctor, “Doctor every night in my dream, I am always playing football.”
The doctor says, “Take these pills, they will help you sleep better.”
Akpos replies, “I can’t take them, tonight is the final game.”

Akpos bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.
He decided to test it at dinner.
Akpos: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school. (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay, I went to the movies!
Akpos: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!). Okay, I was watching p*rn. Akpos: What? When I was your age I didn’t even know p*rn (robot slaps Akpos)
Mother: Hahahahaha! After all, he is your Son (robot gives Mum a hot slap)!

A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said, “Mr. Akpos, you are hereby fined ₦1000.
The lawyer stood up and said, “Thanks, my Lord, however, my client only has ₦900 on him at this time, but if you’d just allow him a few minutes in the crowd to get the remaining ₦100.”

A naked Nigerian lady ran into Akpos’ taxi.
She told the driver where she was going. Akpos didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the woman over and over again. The lady looked at him and said, “What’s your problem, man? Haven’t you seen a naked lady before?”
Akpos replied, “I am not looking at your nakedness, I was just wondering where you kept the money you are going to pay me.”

Okon: Akpos, I have been attending night classes for five months now because I have exams next week.
Akpos: Oh!
Okon: Do you know who is Graham Bell?
Akpos: No.
Okon: He invented the telephone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion happened.
Okon: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Akpos: No.
Okon: He’s the author of “The Three Musketeers,” if you take night courses, you would know this.The next day, once again.
Okon: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Akpos: No.
Okon: He’s the author of “Confessions,” if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, Akpos got irritated.
Akpos: Do you know who James Ikechukwu Peters is?
Okon: No.
Akpos: He is your neighbour, screwing your wife since you started taking night courses!

Akpos and Esther were to get married in one week. Two days to their wedding, Esther decides to stay in Akpos’s house. In the middle of the night, Akpos got aroused and started touching Esther’s breasts. Esther got angry and told Akpos to stop saying, “My body is the temple of the lord.”
And just when she thought it was over, Akpos answered saying, “Then let me worship there.”

Akpos spent the night with his mistress and comes back in the morning.
Wife: Where have you been? Where did you sleep?
Akpos: At Johnny’s place, he lost his sister.
Wife: Okay, you can eat your food, I’m going to the bathroom.
After bathing, Akpos sees his wife going out.
Akpos: Where are you going to?
Wife: To Johnny’s, need to check how they are doing.
Akpos: Honey, they called the time you were bathing and told me she rose from the dead!

Sophie: Why are those two mentally ill people kissing each other?
Akpos: They are MADLY in love.

Nokulunga Shandu, a young beautiful woman, was at a lake and decided to take a swim. She saw a man looking at her but she decided to swim anyway. After taking off her clothes she quickly dived in.
Akpos: Madam swimming is prohibited in this lake!
Shandu: Then why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Akpos: Well, that’s not prohibited.

It’s your turn to create and share your own Akpos jokes! With Akpos’s characteristic mischievous humor and often unexpected wit, we’re eager to see the hilarious scenarios you can come up with. Let’s get the laughter rolling with your unique spin on this popular Nigerian comedic figure!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

1 thought on “60 Funny Akpos Jokes to Tell Your Nigerian Friends”

  1. After dipping Akpos three times in water, Brother Peter said to him, “You’re now a new creature, so your name is no longer Akpos but Paul. From now onwards, no eating meat. Our Church does not eat meat! Only fish.”
    On arriving home, Akpos, now Paul dipped his meat in water three times and then said, “From now on you’re a new creature your new name is fish.”


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