Nigeria, known as the Giant of Africa, isn’t just famous for its jollof rice rivalry with Ghana or its colorful Nollywood dramas that can make a soap opera look like a documentary. This West African powerhouse is a vibrant blend of diverse cultures, languages, and, yes, an endless variety of spicy foods that can make your taste buds do a joyful dance. Nigeria is like a lively party that never ends, with music ranging from Afrobeats to Highlife pulsating through its veins. It’s a country where the hustle is real, and the energy is infectious. Nigerians are known for their resilience, humor, and the unique ability to find laughter in any situation, no matter how spicy it gets. This cheerful spirit and love for a good laugh are what give life to the colorful world of Nigerian jokes.
Nigerian jokes are like the country’s beloved jollof rice: a mix of spicy, sweet, and everything in between, leaving you craving for more. These jokes often revolve around everyday life, from the hustle of Lagos traffic to the dramas of local markets where haggling skills are a badge of honor. It’s in these humorous observations that Nigerians find a common ground, a place where laughter bridges the gap between the many languages spoken. Picture a Nigerian joke as a friendly taxi driver who’s got more stories than the city has streets, each one more amusing than the last. These jokes are a testament to the Nigerian spirit, where humor is as rich and diverse as the country itself. So, let’s dive into the delightful world of Nigerian jokes, where the only thing more infectious than the laughter is the rhythm of the talking drum.
Best Nigerian Jokes
Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
Two Yoruba women sitting quietly.
Or an Ibadan woman minding her business.
A Nigerian husband takes his wife to a night party. There’s a guy on the dance floor dancing happily; break dancing, moon walking, back flips, doing shoki, sekem, etc.
The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband replied, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!”
How do you know Nigerian Recession is hard?
Until you see your friend eating Bread with ‘Anointing oil.’
Why do Nigerian girls get married to a man who is older than her?
So that by the time they start losing their beauty, he is also losing his eyesight.
What’s so special about Nigerian politicians?
They go to the US when they need to work, to Dubai when they need to buy something, to Paris if they want to rest, to Europe if they want to study. They only get back to Nigeria when they want to die! So, is it a cemetery?!
The pastor asked, “If your bible and your iPhone are falling, which one will you catch first?
The Igbo man replied, “My iPhone. Because the word of God cannot be broken.”
A man who makes caskets was going to deliver one of his coffins when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination
When the Nigerian policemen saw him, they decided to do the usual by demanding money from him and so they challenged him. “Where you dey carry that thing go?! Wey receipt? Wey particulars?
The coffin man instinctively replied, “I don’t like the place where I was buried. So I decided to relocate.” Five seconds later, the policemen were nowhere to be found.
What do you see open you open a refrigerator in Nigeria?
Ice cream containers with Egusi, okro and banga soup inside.
A south african tweeted, “My president is the worst president ever! Why should there be electricity for 23 hours out of 24 hours? How can citizens be in darkness for one whole hour? I’m so upset right now!”
And then a Nigerian man quoted and retweeted, “Come to my country, you won’t even have a battery to type this nonsense.”
A Nigerian woman gave her 5 sons the same name – John.
Her neighbor, curious, asked, “How do you tell them apart?”
The woman answered, “Oh they all have different last names.”
Americans: Mum, I was nearly killed.
British: Mum, I nearly died.
Nigerians: Dem nearly KILL me DIE!
Kalu: Why did you ask to be buried with a Nigerian flag?
Akpos: So when God sees my flag, He will know I have been to hell before!
Recommended: Akpos Jokes
A husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up, and carries her around the house. The wife is surprised and excited!
She asked with a smile, “Did the Pastor preach about being romantic?”
Out of breath, the husband replies, “No, he said we must carry our burdens.
How are girlfriends like Nigerian presidents?
The next one is going to be worst bro, so just stay where you are and endure.
Back in primary school, Nigerian kids never knew that their national anthem was in the English language.
Back then, it used to be like:
“Araiz oh compamshown
Najeriya skolobey
Tusa awa fadaslan
witlo an sley anfe
Dale bo of awahirosfa
Shaleba vi inves
Tusa tusa awa mayt
Worle shobon in frido
Pisan yuniti.”
Son: Mummy, I’ve bought the onions, where should I keep them?
Mother: Keep them on my head nau, omo ale jati jati *mtcheeeeew*
An Igbo man purchased a new car, a black Lexus 2017 model, to show off to his pals, so he decided to drive it to work. The next day, he parked his car and opened the door as a lorry drove by, ripping the door from its hinges.
“Do you know how much this car costs!” He shouted. “It was a brand new car! It costs more than you make in a decade! How am I supposed to go home after this? I wil-“
“You were too busy shouting about your car,” the other driver interrupted. “That you didn’t notice your arm came off with the door.”
The Igbo man stared at his arm in disbelief and horror.
“MY ROLEX! I WAS WEARING MY ROLEX ON THAT HAND!”
A Nigerian man told his English coworker that he was leaving early to go to the doctor.
The Englishman asked, “Oh, which doctor?”
He responds, “Yeah bro.”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Tukor.
(Tukor who?)
Tukor pee this tune for fifty naira, press eleven.
Teacher: Kola, spell plantain?
Kola: Whish one? The lipe one or the unlipe one?
Teacher: What difference does it make? Just spell plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na ‘DODO’, if you fly the unlipe one na ‘SHIPS’, if you loast am, na ‘BORLI.’All of them na plantain, so whish one you wan make I spell?
How did bribery and corruption start in Nigeria?
Beat a Nigerian kid, console him with biscuits, then ask him, “Who beat you”? He will surely point at another person.
Three business associates, an Igbo man, a Yoruba man, and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just waved his hands to chase it away. The fly then went to where the Yoruba man was, he also chased it away. Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese man was and was flying close to his ears. The Chinese man looked at the fly for some time and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth, and swallowed it. The other men saw this but just kept on eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again. It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for some time and then grabbed it. He then turned to the Chinese man and asked, “How much you go buy am?”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Dide.
(Dide who?)
Dide is bright! It’s bright and clear! Oh, happy day!
An American man and his wife had a huge argument last week. She called him gullible and financially irresponsible.
The husband can’t wait to see the look on her face when he tells her that he just won the Nigerian lottery!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Amadi.
(Amadi who?)
Amadi payphone trying to call home, Uloma change I spent on you.
Ucche: Mummy, I’m going to Wole’s house.
Mom: There’s no fuel in the car.
Uche: But mummy, I’m walking there.
Mom: If you get missing, is it not the fuel in the car we’ll use to look for you?
How many Nigerians does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind, forgot there was no electricity in Nigeria.
A guy goes into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The guy is a black man from Nigeria and is wearing the colorful ceremonial garb from his native land. The bartender says, “What an exquisite creature! Where did you get it?”
“Africa,” replies the parrot.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Enda.
(Enda who?)
Endaaaaaaaaa iyaaaaaaaaa will always love you!
An Igbo man opened a zoo and made the gate fee ₦2,000, but no one came. He reduced the gate fee to ₦1,500 and still, no one came. He decided to make the gate fee free and soon, the place was packed.
He shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee ₦25,000.
Do you know that when it comes to corruption in countries Nigeria takes first place and Pakistan comes in second?
Have a feeling that Pakistan bribed Nigeria to take first place.
A British man asked his Nigerian friend, “What is ASUU?”
He told him it’s an annual festival in Nigeria where students don’t go to school for several months.
People visiting the zoo.
Americans: Oh! Esther come look at a Monkey.
Nigerians: Faith Come see your papa.
One day, four men went up to a mountain to give a sacrifice to their god. They were a Nigerian, a Chinese, an American, and an English man.
The Chinese man said, “This is for my people,” and he jumped down the mountain.
The American man said, “This is for my people,” and he jumped down.
When it was the Nigerian’s turn, he says, “This is for my people” and he pushes the English man down the mountain.
How do Nigerian salesmen sell caskets?
“Oga this casket is original, two minutes your mama will reach heaven.”
Why is walking with a Nigerian mom tiring?
If you greet your friend that has dread with rugged jeans, she will be like, “Heh Heh heeyyyyyy… Divine, when did u join cult??”
A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government House.
He calls for a quotation. The Chinese guy quoted 3 million. The European guy quoted 7 million. The Nigerian guy quoted 10 million. The Governor asked the Chinese guy, “How did you quote 3 million?” The Chinese guy replied, “1 million for paint, 1 million for labor, and 1 million for profit.” The Governor asked the same question to the European guy. He replied, “3 million for paint, 2 million for labor, and 2 million for profit..” At last, the governor asked the Nigerian guy the same question.
He replied, “4 million for you, 3 million for me and we will give 3 million to the Chinese guy and ask him to paint!”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Akanbi.
(Akanbi who?)
Akanbi your hero baiby…
Akpos is right back from school, tired and hungry.
Mother: Akpos, you are back?
Akpos: Yes mum.
Mother: What were you taught in school today?
Akpos: Agriculture.
Mother: Which topic?
Akpos: The Desert!
Mother: What is a desert?
Akpos: A desert is a barren area of land where plants or grasses hardly grow on.
Mother: Good boy. Give an example.
Akpos: Dad’s Head.
What do you call a 1-year-old Nigerian kid crying?
Mid-Life Crisis.
What happens when a man takes a car to a mechanic?
US: We need to run some tests before we know the problem
Nigeria: On am! Off am! On am again! Off am… Oga na radiator.
Timmy’s uncle bought a piano from Nigeria.
So he brings it home and hires a guy to come to tune it. The piano tuner struggles with it and after five minutes says, “Lemme guess… West African piano?”
“Yeah, how did you know?” his uncle responds.
“Well, West African pianos are notoriously hard to tune,” he says, “not like North African pianos, they Tunisia.”
What did one Nigerian Prince say to the other?
“Wanna go phishing?”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Honda.
(Honda who?)
Honda mountain, hinda valley, honda land and hinda sea.
A teacher told a primary five class that 2+2 =4.
Akpos got up and said, “It’s a lie!”
The teacher angrily said, “I have been teaching for the past five years now, so I know what I’m saying!”
Akpos replied, “I have also been in this class for the past seven years also.”
Did you hear about the latest news from Nigerian Premier League?
They are going to introduce a red card for removing jerseys after body odor kills Linesman during a goal celebration.
An Aussie guy is traveling through Africa.
While in Nigeria he keeps hearing a persistent rumor that the Nigerian males have the biggest penis, relative to body size, in the world. One night, while going to the bathroom at a bar, he can’t help glancing across at the Nigerian using the urinal next to his. “Jesus Christ!” He exclaims. “It’s true what they say about you Nigerian males and your penises.”
The Nigerian answers back, “My friend. My penis size isn’t just a matter of genetics, but also of training. When I was a young boy, back in the village, I was given a stone to tie around the end of my penis. As I grew bigger, I was given bigger and bigger stones – until you see the prodigious member before you.”
The Aussie is very impressed by this and says, “That’s impressive, I’m going to try that for myself.”
A week later, just before he’s about to leave Nigeria, the Aussie ran into the same guy who’d first given him the advice.
“So, my friend, did you try my training method?” The Nigerian asked.
“I did,” the Aussie replied. “And I think it’s starting to work – my cock’s turned black!”
Why do hotels put the bible in their rooms?
In case, your date turns to Karashika in the middle of intense fornication.
What happens when a Naija Mom beats her kid mercilessly and later finds out that he was not the one that broke the bottle?
They will never ever Apologize. They will be like Okikiola Don’t tell me that you are still shading these tears because of this small thing I beat you. Oya take this money and buy the biscuits you asked me for last month.
Who noticed this?
Yoruba people shout on the phone, Igbo people lie on the phone, and Hausa people always call the wrong number.
What .io games do they play in Nigeria?
Pol.io
A Nigerian teacher was sent to China to teach.
The first day he entered the class, he decided to call attendance. He called the first name, “Sheng”, and a student stood up and answered, “Present sir.”
He called the second name “Chu muon”, and another student answered, “Present sir.” Suddenly he sneezed “Hatchia”. One student seated at the corner stood up and said, “Present sir”. He surprisingly exclaimed, “Hmmm”. All the students shouted, “Absent sir.”
At this moment, he got confused and said, “Chai”. Three students immediately stood up and said, “Which of us sir?” The teacher became even more confused and asked, “What is wrong?”
A student stood up and answered,” Sir, I am not wrong. I am called Wong.”
Now the teacher could not help but laugh out, “Hahaha…… “
A girl stood up and answered, “Present sir.”
Recommended: Best Chinese Jokes
What is Nigeria’s most popular phone brand?
Scamsung.
A Hausa man goes into a library to ask for a book on suicide. An Igbo man is the librarian.
Hausa man: Pls do you have a book on suicide?
Igbo man: Wetin u wan read that kind book for?
Hausa man: I wan commit suicide!
The Igbo man stares at him and says, “Abeg comot for here… who go come return the book?”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Amaslap.
(Amaslap who?)
Amaslap your ass.
How do you know that you are watching a Nollywood movie?
Look for when it says “35yrs later” but the dog in the yard is still alive.
What do couples say before going to bed?
US: Good night my love.
UK: Sweet dreams darling.
Nigeria: Did you lock the gate, doors, and windows?
Here’s your opportunity to create your own Nigerian jokes in the comment section! Draw on your understanding of the culture, the people, and their stories. We’re eager to see how you can make us laugh while providing a glimpse into your Nigerian life. So, ready to bring on the laughter with your unique Nigerian humor?!
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh…
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.