Bonfire nights always start with someone confidently striking a match like they have trained for this moment their whole life, only for the flame to sputter out and a friend to yell, “Use more sticks!” Soon enough the wood crackles, the smoke attacks everyone’s eyes equally, and the group celebrates because fire makes everyone feel like ancient forest heroes, even if half the group is still arguing about who forgot the snacks.
Bonfire jokes come next, arriving right after the first marshmallow melts off a stick and falls dramatically into the flames. Friends lean closer, faces glowing like they just discovered the secret of the universe, ready to say something silly about fire, ghosts, or that one person who always insists they are an expert at camping despite owning zero camping gear. Nothing warms a night faster than laughter rising with sparks into the sky, as everyone waits to roast marshmallows without setting their hair on fire.
Best Bonfire Night Jokes
If you ever get stranded on a desert island, light a bonfire on the beach
Trust me, it’s a shore fire way to get attention.
Police arrested two people on Bonfire Night – one for stealing a car battery, the other for eating fireworks…
They charged one and let the other one off!
What was a girl who knew math called in the 1500s?
A bonfire.
What do you call a duck who likes watching fireworks?
A firequacker!
What do the French call a good fire?
A bonfire.
Dad: “Here’s something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it.”
Kid, fully expecting a dad joke: “I don’t believe you, but would you care to elaborate?”
Dad: “It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.”
What do you call a father-son bonfire?
A bondfire.
“The neighbors hate us.”
“Why?”
“Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?”
“Yeah, that was really fun.”
“And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband’s arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?”
“Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we’d done…”
“We were still holding our marshmallow sticks.”
What’s Guy Fawkes’ favourite sport?
Fuseball!
How many safety inspectors does it take to light the bonfire?
One to light the match and three to hold the fire extinguisher.
How do you trap a bear?
You dig a hole and have a bonfire in it. Once the fire goes out, line the outside of the hole with peas. When a bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the a$hhole.
What did a man say to his brother after he started a bonfire?
It’s lit, Fam.
How many aerospace engineers does it take to start a bonfire?
None, it’s not rocket science!
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
Dinomite.
A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son’s name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son’s name.
It’s a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.
After a while, though, the curiosity gets the best of him, so he asks them why.
Cop: “Of all things to spell out, why your son’s name?”
Dad: “We figured it was the best way to show how much we love arson.”
Recommended: Fire Jokes
What do you call a fire at a candy factory in Paris?
A Bon-bonfire.
What was Guy Fawkes’ favourite meal?
Bangers and mash.
In the Middle East during the Crusades, what was the best way to describe someone?
By taking all of their books, parchment and pencils and burning them in a bonfire.
What did Lucius Malfoy tell Dr. Dre during the annual summer bonfire?
“Do you want more s’mores, Dre?”
Why did the bonfire join therapy?
It had too many unresolved issues burning inside.
Why should you make sure your bonfire night is well timed?
Otherwise, it will be bang out of order!
How do you make a cat go “woof”?
Douse it in gasoline, and toss it in a bonfire.
What do buccaneers let off on bonfire night?
Piratechnics!
Recommended: Firework Jokes
A friend was having a bonfire night party, so I sprayed it with a fire extinguisher
He was de-lighted!
What’s the best salad to serve on Guy Fawkes’ Night?
Rocket!
Why was the bonfire the best storyteller?
It always had a smoking plot.
Do you have a funny Bonfire Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
Sparks really fly when the fire’s the hottest guest at the party.