70 Funny Dating Jokes You Cannot Share on The Next Date

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Jessica Amlee

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Dating is like a roller coaster, except you’re not always sure if you’re screaming in excitement or fear. It’s a world of first impressions, awkward silences, and the eternal debate of who pays the bill. In dating culture, you’ll find a spectrum of experiences – from the romantic walks in the park to the not-so-romantic speed dating sessions where you decide in five minutes if your date is more boring than watching paint dry.

It’s a dance of finding someone who likes your weirdness, tolerates your love for pineapple on pizza, and appreciates your unique Netflix playlist. Everyone’s trying to find that perfect match, often swiping right in the hope of swiping away their single status. Amidst all the butterflies and occasional blunders, the world of dating is ripe for some good-natured humor, which brings us to the realm of Dating Jokes.

Dating Jokes are the comic relief in the sometimes awkward, often unpredictable world of dating. They’re like the best friend who reminds you it’s okay to laugh at yourself when your date turns out to have a pet rock collection. These jokes encapsulate the humorous side of finding love, from the moment you try to decode text messages like ancient hieroglyphics to the times when your blind date looks nothing like their profile picture – unless the picture was taken 10 years ago. Dating Jokes remind us that while the quest for love might be rocky, it’s also filled with moments that are just too funny not to share. So, whether you’re a seasoned dater or new to the game, let these jokes add a bit of laughter to your love life. After all, a shared giggle might just be the secret to sparking that special connection.

Best Dating Jokes

What do you call a dating service for Indians?

Connect the dots.

What’s the name of a dating site for people with lisp?


Why do archaeologists get all the girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques.

How is dating in your 30s similar to looking for a Parking spot?

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

What do you call a dating app for Lumberjacks?


How is dating similar to fishing?

Sure there are lots of fish in the ocean, but until I catch one, I’m just stuck here holding my rod.

Why do you have to stop dating a cougar?

Turns out she was a cheetah.

How is dating women similar to squaring numbers?

Just do them in your head.

What profession is the pickiest when it comes to dating?

Scientists. They reject H0s all the time.

How is dating a stripper similar to eating a noisy bag of chips in church?

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

What is the reality of dating in different generations?

Young kids use dating apps on their phones.

Older kids use dating websites on their computers.

Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates.

Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events.

Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.

What do you call a dating app for computers?

Love at First Site.

Did you hear about the girl who was dating the guy with the wooden leg?

She broke it off.

What do you call a wizard on a dating app?


What do you call a dating website for old people?

OK Boomer.

Why shouldn’t you date demons?

They’re way too possessive.

What do you call a dating app for old people?


Why did the guy run away after seeing a Soviet flag on the wall of his date’s room?

It was a big red flag.

What do you call a hookup website for old people?


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How is dating a girl with an OnlyFans similar to having your own private, reserved parking spot?

Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.

How is dating in the 2020s similar to video game loot boxes?

You don’t know what you are getting unless you pay enough money and discover later on.

Why is dating a broke guy so stressful?

Every after 5 minutes he’ll be like “babe promise you won’t  leave me.”

How is dating a lot like Blackjack?

While 21 is the ideal, with 14 or below you are definitely gonna hit it.

What can you tell about your date who loves football?

She is a keeper.

A man is dating three women and choosing which one to marry. He decides to put them to the test. He gives each woman a $5000 gift and waits to see what she does with it.

The first undergoes a complete make-over. She goes to a posh beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make-up, and buys many new outfits for the man. She tells him that she did this to make herself more appealing to him because she adores him. The man was impressed.

The second start shopping for gifts for the man. She buys him a new set of golf equipment, some computer gadgets, and some costly outfits. As she gives him these things, she explains to him that she spent every last penny on him because she adores him. The dude is once again impressed.

The third puts the cash into stock market investments. She earns far more than $5000. She returns his $5,000 and invests the balance in a joint account. She expresses her want to save for their future because she adores him. Clearly, the dude was impressed.

The man pondered for a long time what each woman had done with the money before marrying the one with the largest t*ts.

Why are Dolphins so good at dating?

They always click with one another.

Why was Claire dating a boy from her high school who had the same class schedule?

What can she say? They had Chemistry together.

What happens when you date a mermaid?

The relationship’s on the rocks.

Why did the girl leave the Schizophrenia boy whom she was dating?

Because he was seeing other people.

Why is LinkedIn like a reverse dating site for IT nerds?

They get a lot of messages from girls but ignore most of them.

One day, Caesar and Brutus were drinking wine and discussing.

“I had a great date with an Egyptian girl I met the other night,” Caesar says.

“What was her name?” Brutus inquires.

“Cleopatra,” Caesar says.

“How did the date go?” Brutus inquires.

Caesar answers, “vidi vici veni.”

What does it feel to date someone that has a child?

It’s like “Continuing” another one’s “Save File.”

What happens when you date a girl who had a lazy eye?

It would have worked out, but it turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

Why can’t cheat while dating a radiologist?

They can see right through you.

How can a PhD gain you leverage in online dating?

Helps with handling rejections.

What’s the new dating website taking Alabama by storm?

It’s called OnlyFams.

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How do relative dating and radioactive dating differ from one another?

Radioactive dating is a way to determine an object’s age, but relative dating is what goes down in Alabama.

Wife: Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?

So the husband took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.

What’s so crazy about dating an x-ray technician?

You don’t know what they see in you.

Why did Penny go to the Nickel for dating advice?

The penny saw the nickel take two dimes to his quarters.

What did the Tortoise say when she was dating the Sloth?

Let’s taake it sloooooow.

How do you know Dating is evil?

Dating requires time and money, so

Dating = Time × Money

“Time is money”, so

Dating = Money²

“Money is the root of all evil”, so

Dating = √Evil²

Therefore, Dating = Evil.

What is the problem with dating an archaeologist?

She could be gold digger so her future lies in ruins.

What do you expect when dating a horse girl?

A stable relationship.

Why is online dating tough for 13-year-olds?

Every time they meet someone new, they end up in jail.

What’s the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

What do you call a dating app for Catholic priests?


A 35-year-old virgin, tired of continuous dating failures, visits his doctor for the hundredth time. His doctor ultimately relents after becoming tired of his continuous complaints. “Ok ok. A newcomer from Hong Kong has arrived in town. Chinese. Relationship expert. I think he’s a quack, but it’s worth a shot.” says his doctor, handing him the address

The guy arrives and is shocked that you can just walk in. Almost immediately, the ‘doctor’ notices him. When the man has finished telling his story, the doctor instructs him to strip naked and crawl across the room toward him.

“What will that accomplish?” enquires the man.

“Just humor me.” According to the small Chinese specialist.

The guy reluctantly does as he is told.

“I see, I see,” the Chinese man says. “You now crawl the other direction. Please turn around. Crawl backwards.”

Again, naked and feeling quite stupid, the guy does as he is ordered.

“Ah-ha!” The doctor exclaims. “It’s the Ed Zachary syndrome!”

“What exactly is it? Is that why I can’t seem to get laid? Is there a treatment?” Excitedly, the guy asks.

“Yes, why don’t you get laid?” According to the doctor. “Yes, there is a treatment… Plastic surgery is very expensive.”

“Doc, I’ll do anything! What exactly is Ed Zachary syndrome?”

“Is when the face looks Ed Zachary like your arsehole.”

What do you call a dating app for skeletons?

The bone zone.

What do you call a dating app for only lesbians?


Recommended: Lesbian Jokes

What’s a rooster’s favorite dating app?

Chicken Tinder.

What do Incel and Excel have in common?

Misinterpreting something as a date.

Why did Princess Leia date so many guys before she found Han?

She was looking for love in Alderaan places.

What do you call a dating app for people over 40?


What’s a pirate’s worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

Joe had a prom blind date with Maria, and as the evening proceeded, he became increasingly attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said, “Tell me, do you object to making love?”

“That is something I have never done before,” Maria replied.

“Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” Joe was amazed!

“No, silly,” she giggled, “I’ve never objected!”

My friend was dating twins, so I asked him how he could tell them apart.

He replied, “That’s easy. Bethany has really big t*ts and Bernardo has a mustache.”

Why shouldn’t you date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.

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Why can’t a right triangle get a date?

It wasn’t acute enough.

What does your girlfriend think about the first four dates?

  • Good shirt.
  • Nice. A second good shirt.
  • OK, the first shirt again.
  • He has two shirts.

How do you piss off an archeologist?

Ask her why she dates everything she sees.

How is dating the opposite of coding?

You start with Java before getting comfortable with Python.

Why shouldn’t you kiss anyone on January 1st?

Because it’s only the first date.

Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

They’re pointless.

What do you call a vampire out on a date?

A neck romancer.

A woman married shortly after graduating from high school, and her husband crushed her heart when he left her for another woman.

She ultimately re-entered the dating scene and fell in love with another man. They married, but he turned out to be a jerk who beat her up when he got furious. She also divorced him.

She eventually met a third man who seemed ideal for her in every regard except one: he was dreadful in bed. She married him nonetheless, assuming that coitus would improve as they got to know each other better, but it didn’t, and she divorced him after a year.

She chose to join an online dating service after being divorced three times and was quite clear about her preferences. She flat out requested for a man who would never beat her, never run off with another woman, and be good in bed.

Three weeks later, her doorbell rang, and when she answered it, she found a man in a wheelchair with no legs or arms. “Hello, I think I’m your perfect man,” he remarked. “Really?” she asked. How so?” “Well, I don’t have arms, so I can’t hit you, and I don’t have legs, so I can’t run away with another woman,” the man explained. She looked at him and asked, “Umm… Are you good in bed?

The man answered, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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What’s the best part about dating twenty six year olds?

There are twenty of them.

What is Ronald McDonald’s approach to dating?

Court her. Pound her.

What is the most appealing aspect of dating homeless people?

You can drop them off anywhere.

What’s the worst part about dating a Japanese girl?

The breakup: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Get that special someone to chuckle with these online dating icebreaker jokes that will break the ice and reveal whether you share a sense of humor.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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