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99 Funny Alabama Jokes That Are Relatable

Funny Alabama Jokes
Funny Alabama Jokes

We all know that about Youtubers and Tik Tokers who crack a joke and Home Sweet Alabama starts playing in the background. So we did some digging and discovered that you cannot marry any of your children, siblings, parents, uncles, aunts, grandkids, grandparents, or great grandparents in Alabama. However, there are no restrictions on marrying first cousins. So, what is it about Alabama that made it synonymous with such jokes?

How did Alabama become a reference for many jokes?

The state scores poorly in areas like education, diversity, and policies that are progressive, and it is one of the southern states that has clung to outdated ways of thinking or traditional values for far older than others. It was once one of the states that opposed the abolition of slavery, being a member of the Confederacy during the American Civil War. Many intellectuals and city inhabitants in the US have a tense connection with rural, redneck Americans, which is tinged with racism, illiteracy, and poverty. When you combine poverty, a lack of knowledge, and a dislike of outside cultures, people become quite closed off, which leads to jokes about family marriage and other such topics, as closed off groups have much smaller dating pools. Every country and/or region has a set of jokes that are similar. The English make jokes about the Irish, and Norfolk is frequently the punchline. Alabama seems to be the epicentre of ribald comedy centred on inbreeding and idiocy.

Let’s read and laugh at some of the funniest Alabama jokes on the Internet.

Best Alabama Jokes

Which town in Alabama do bad cooks come from?
Burningham.


How are people from Alabama like cats?
They like to lick their pa’s.


How does a baker in Alabama describe his occupation?
“I’m in bread.”


An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, “Got any ID?”
The driver says, “Bout what?!”


What’s a seven-course meal in Alabama?
A possum and a six-pack.


What song is played in Alabama weddings?
“We are Family.”


What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.


A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist, “I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?”
The pharmacist responds, “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.”
“TACKS!” the shocked redneck says. “Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!”


How did the Alabama redneck find his sister in the woods?
Attractive.


Recommended: Best Ohio Jokes


What did Einstein say when he attended the Alabama orgie?
“It’s all relatives”


In other places, a suitable partner is judged on a 1-10 hotness scale.
In Alabama, they use relative humidity.


There were two guys from Alabama who loved to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada and they took off for up there.
The lakes were frozen nicely, so they stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop to get all their tackle. Bob looked at Ed and said, “We’re going to need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off.
In about two hours, Ed was back at the shop and said, “We’re going to need another dozen ice picks.” Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and Ed left.
In about an hour, Bob was back. “We’re going to need all the ice picks you’ve got.” The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”
“Not very well at all,” Bob said. “We don’t even have the boat in the water yet.”


Why do people from Alabama make the best paleontologists?
They’re amazing at relative dating.


How did the boy from Alabama know his sister was on her period?
His dad’s manhood tasted like blood.


Do you know that Unicorns are illegal in the US?
Apart from Alabama, where it’s still legal to pegasis.


Have you heard that they have stopped home-schooling in Alabama?
Teachers are f*cking the students, Teachers are drinking on the job, Student and teachers are fighting.


Recently, Alabama changed the drinking age to 34.
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.


Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,
She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama.


Recommended: Best Helen Keller Jokes


A guy is driving through rural Alabama.
When his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. No cell coverage is available and all he sees is a small cabin on a hill in the distance. He knocks on the door and a big old redneck answers. The guy tells him his story and asks if he can use the phone. Redneck replies, “Ain’t got no phone but you can spend the night and I’ll drive you into town in the morning”. The guy says thanks and enters the cabin. The redneck says, “I’m throwing a party tonight, hope that’s not a problem”. Guy says, “No, I love to party”. Redneck says, “Well, at parties round here, there’s usually some heavy drinking. Hope that doesn’t offend.” Guy says, “I love a good drink. Fine by me.” Redneck says, “Well, after drinking, there’s usually some fighting at my parties. I’d hate to upset you.” The guy says, “Are you kidding? Drunken fights were my specialty in college!” Redneck says, “Ok great, but after the fighting, there’s usually some making up and then starts the f*cking. I hope that’s ok.” Guy says, “I’m single and love to f*ck. This party sounds great. What should I wear?” Redneck answers, “Don’t matter. Just gonna be the two of us!”


How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama
One Mississippi.


What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs?
Drool.


What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has sex with underage teens?
In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be “Senator”.


How do you bang a nun in Alabama?
Tell her you’re God, which makes you her Father, then it’s business as usual.


A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.
He’s stuck at a crossroads between three schools – Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,
“Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?”
“Oh, not good at all,” his father says. “They’re too focused on studying and working to have any fun at all.”
“What about Hampden-Sydney?”
“Well, it’s an all guys school, so unless you’re into that, I wouldn’t be too confident.”
“Well, Alabama has to have something, right?”
“Alabama!” the father says with a chuckle. “Well, at Alabama, I’d say your chances of getting laid are pretty relative!”


Do you know that men from these States do not have to leave their house to meet GF’s parents?
Alabama.


How do you recognize a family from Alabama?
When their family tree is the recycling symbol.


Which website do Alabama people use for dating?
Ancestry.com.


Isn’t it weird that people find Alabama jokes to be offensive?
Instead, they bring children and adults closer together.


Woman: Who are you?
Man: I am the father.
Woman: Of the groom or the bride?
Man: Both.


Why are Alabama boys and girls indifferent when their crush enters the class?
Because they are homeschooled.


In Alabama, what were the last words of the boy to the girl before their breakup?
“Atleast we are still cousins.”


Where did the shout “Yes Daddy” originate from?
Obviously, Alabama.


Recommended: Missionary position jokes


What is the correct terminology for an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?
Virgin.


Why is OnlyFans so cheap in Alabama?
Family discount.


Who won a battle between a fifth-grade student from Alabama and a fifth-grade student from Boston?
5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 yrs old.


A doctor informed an Alabama girl that she was pregnant.
“Doc, I’ve been sleeping around so much, I’m not sure it’s mine,” she remarked.


An Alabama man goes out to eat and brings his wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, sister, and niece with him.
They enter and proceed to the hostess station.
The hostess begins, “Hello, everyone. Will it simply be you two tonight?”


Why is reverse cowgirl outlawed in Alabama?
Because you don’t turn your back on family.


Why do we know Alabama was the place where the toothbrush was created?
Because it would be called a teethbrush if it were invented anywhere else.


How can you know if your sister is on her menstruation in Alabama?
Dad’s joystick tastes like nickels.


What do Alabama residents have in place of a family tree?
The circle of life!


Why are crimes in Alabama so difficult to solve?
Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.


What does an Alabama girl use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter.


What do you call a 30-year-old Alabama girl?
Nan.


What do you call an Alabama girl in a white tracksuit?
The Bride.


What is the most confusing day in Alabama?
Fathers Day.


Recommended: Father’s Day Jokes


What’s the first question on a quiz night in an Alabama club?
“What are you looking at C*nt?”


A small zoo in Alabama obtains a rare gorilla, who becomes angry fast. The female monkey is in heat, but there are no male apes ready for mating, according to the zookeeper.
A proposal is made by the zookeeper to a redneck janitor. “Would you be interested in having sex with this gorilla for $500?” he inquires.
The janitor agrees to the offer on three conditions: “First and foremost, I don’t want to have to kiss her. Second, you must not tell anyone about this.” The zookeeper agrees to the terms and inquires about the third.
“Well, I’m going to need another week to come up with the $500,” says the janitor.


In Alabama 4 rednecks in a car, who is driving?
The Police.


Why wasn’t Jesus born in Alabama?
They couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.


What does an Alabama girl say after sex?
“Git off me pa, yer crushing muh smokes!”


Where are the most immigrants in Alabama located?
Underground.


What does an Alabama husband say to his wife after their divorce is finalized?
Are we still brother and sister?


What’s something that everyone in Alabama has in common?
DNA.


How do people in Alabama find a partner?
Family reunions.


What are the similarities between geology and Alabama?
Relative dating.


What do you call a virgin in Alabama?
An orphan.


Recommended: Funny Orphan Jokes


Why did the Alabama man only sleep with waitresses from Olive Garden?
Because when you’re there, you’re family.


A man is visiting friends in Alabama when he thinks he wants a drink and visits a nearby pub. He enters and orders a glass of wine. Everyone at the pub glances up, expecting to see a flashy Yankee. The bartender looks at him with suspicion and asks, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”
“No sir, “I’m from Minnesota,” he says.
“What the hell do you do in Minnesota?” inquires the bartender.
“I work as a taxidermist!” The man responds.
“What in the world is that?” The bartender inquires.
“I umm, mount dead animals,” the guy replies hesitantly.
The bartender smiles and exclaims to the entire pub, “It’s okay gentlemen, he’s one of us!”


What is the most popular video game in Alabama?
Super Smash Brothers.


What do you call perspiration from lovemaking in Alabama?
Relative humidity.


Why do Alabama people enjoy sandwiches so much?
They like things that are inbread.


What do they call an extra-large bottle of lube in Alabama?
Family size.


What caused the Alabama strip club to close?
The family discount cost them too much money.


Why is Alabama the smartest state?
Because it has four A’s and one B.


What do you call an orgy in Alabama?
A family gathering.


Why did the kid from Alabama cross the road?
Because he couldn’t get his joystick out of the chicken.


Why are Alabamans cool with having sex with a second cousin?
Because the first cousin was great!


In Alabama, I overheard someone yell, “F*ck the speed limit.”
As a Physics student, I realized that speed is relative.


Recommended: Physics Jokes


Why do people in Alabama make love with clocks?
It’s because time is relative.


Why do birds fly upside down over Alabama?
There is nothing there worth sh*tting on.


What is OnlyFans called in Alabama?
OnlyFams.


Which veggie is Alabama’s favorite?
Pumpkin.


How do you circumcise a guy from Alabama?
Kick his sister in the jaw.


What is the similarity between an Alabama storm and an Alabama divorce?
No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.


What are the differences between a raisin and a pothead from Alabama?
One’s baked in bread, and the other’s baked inbred.


What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?
He/Haw.


What’s the difference between Utah and Alabama?
The meaning of sister-wife.


Winged horses are illegal in every US state except Alabama.
In Alabama, you’re allowed to Pegasus.


What do you call buying cryptocurrency in Alabama?
Incestment.


Why do people in Alabama find incest jokes funny?
Cause they are kind of related.


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What did the brother from Alabama say after his sister was pregnant?
Guys! I am finally a dad.


What do families in Alabama do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.


Why do people in Alabama hate being at family reunions?
They have to face too many exes there.


What are the two types of people you get in Alabama?
The orphans and the inbreds.


Why can you have affairs with your boss in Alabama?
It’s a family business.


From where was the Alabama brother banned after he ate a vegetable?
Sister’s group home.


Girl: Is it weird for me and my brother to crack Alabama jokes with each other?
Friend: Depends if he breaks his arms.


Why do people from Alabama don’t share jokes?
They like to keep it in the family.


What do the Alabama families call a child born?
Gross domestic product.


What’s so great about the people of Alabama?
They take the ‘y’ out ‘analysis’.


Which animals are popular in Alabama?
Aunt-eaters.


Husband: I am taking a vacation to Alabama.
Wife: I heard that you should take the kids.


Alabama Girl: Told my cousin he got me pregnant as an April Fools’ joke. He was scared.
Asian friend: Why was he scared?


What is a popular saying in Alabama?
“Why go down the street when you can go down the hall.”


Recommended: Gay Jokes


How do you recognize a family from Alabama?
Their family tree looks like a circle.


Which electronic reading device do people use in Alabama?
Kindle.


What twisted preference is acceptable in Alabama?
Kinky.


What is the other name for Alabama jokes?
Step jokes.


When your wife and your sister are drowning, why don’t you have to choose?
Because you are in Alabama.


A normal family conversation in Alabama.
Son: Mom, Dad, I got a girlfriend.
Mom: That’s great, son. Where does she live?
Son: Upstairs.


How do you know that Alabama is a really progressive state?
Because when a woman gets married in Alabama she doesn’t have to change her name!


We hope these Alabama jokes made your day. Keep checking this space for more funny jokes in the future.

What do you think?

Written by Jessica Amlee

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Known for her sharp wit and clever wordplay, Jessica has authored several popular joke books. A regular at stand-up comedy clubs, she never fails to leave her audience in stitches. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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    2 Comments

    1. THE REDNECK POEM

      suzy lee fell in love
      she planned to marry joe
      she was so happy about it all
      she told her pappy so.
      pappy told her: suzy gal
      you’ll hafta find another
      I’d just as soon yer ma dont know
      but joe is yer haf brother

      so suzy forgot about her joe
      and planned to marry will
      but after telling pappy this
      he said: there’s trouble still
      you can’t marry will, my gal
      and please don’t tell yer mother
      but will n joe n sev’l mo
      I know is yer haf brother

      but mama knew and said:
      honey chile, do what makes you happy
      marry will – or marry joe
      you ain’t no kin to pappy!!