Ducks are those smooth-talking birds of the pond who look innocent while paddling like maniacs under the water. They strut around with beady-eyed confidence, dabbling in everyone’s business, and quacking like they own the place. It’s no wonder their antics inspire the cheeky world of Dirty Duck Jokes.
The truth is, ducks can turn any peaceful pond into a scandalous soap opera. Between the splashing, chasing, and not-so-polite noises, they’re natural troublemakers in feathers. That’s why Dirty Duck Jokes practically write themselves because these birds can’t help being a little wild.
Adult Duck Jokes
What drugs do ducks do?
Qwack cocaine.
What do you call a duck with a big d*ck?
A drake.
If your phone auto-corrects “f*ck” to “duck,” it’s okay to keep it.
It’s still fowl language.
What do you call a condom that a duck wears?
A rubber f*cky.
For his birthday, a dad gave his son a duck, and took him to a prostitute.
The prostitute took the duck as payment for the son’s first time. When they were done, the prostitute was so impressed that she said that she would give him the duck back if they could have s*x again. As he is walking home with the duck, the duck flies out of his arms, into traffic, gets hit by a car, and dies. The driver is upset and gives the kid $10 dollars for the duck.
When the boy gets home, the dad asks him how everything went. The boy says, “I got a f*ck for a duck, a duck for a f*ck, and 10 bucks for a f*cked up duck.”
What do you call a part gopher, part duck, and part you?
A Gophuckyourself.
What is a v0yeur’s favorite food?
Peking Duck.
A husband comes home to his wife with a duck in his hands and says, “This is the pig I’ve been f*cking.”
The wife says, “That’s not a pig, that’s a duck.”
The husband says, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Recommended: Duck Jokes
What do you call a duck who is a pr0stitute?
A quackwhore.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover up their b*tt quacks.
A farm boy took his pet duck and got in his pickup to go to the movin’ picture show in town.
He walked up to the ticket booth with his duck under his arm to buy a ticket, but the girl said, “Sir, you can’t bring that bird in here”.
The country boy tries to explain ’bout how the duck is a housebroken pet, but the girl says, “SIR, I’m sorry but you can’t bring that animal into the theater”.
So, he’s is sitting in his truck, stroking his duck, trying to think, and has an idea!
He hides his duck down the bib of his overalls and goes and buys a ticket and sits down next to these two town girls with his duck hidden in his pants, and starts watching the movie.
A few minutes later, one of the townie girls nudges the other, and says, “This guys got his c*ck out”.
Her friend says, “ignore him, you seen one, you’ve seen ’em all”.
The first girl replies, “Not like this one, it’s eating my popcorn”.
A bear asks a duck for help opening a wine bottle.
The duck pulls down it’s pants.
Having a duck orgy at my house…
If anyone wants to come on down.
Donald Duck wanted a divorce for Daisy.
His lawyer tells Donald, “I am sorry, but you can’t divorce Daisy just because she is insane.”
Donald replies, “I never said she was insane. I said that she was f*cking Goofy.”
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What do you call a duck who is addicted to drugs?
A quackhead.
What do you call a male baby duck?
A dickling.
A duck waddles into a hotel’s lobby convenience store and loudly asks the bored clerk, “Hey, where can a guy get some Tic Tacs?”
Incredulous, the store clerk responds to the waterfowl at his feet, “Did you just ask for Tic Tacs?”
“Yeah, Tic Tacs,” says the duck. “Got a date with a smokin’ hot redhead.”
Not knowing for certain how to respond to this bizarre situation, the clerk grabs a pack of Tic Tacs, places it on the counter, and says, “And how do you want to pay for this?”
“I’m a guest of the hotel,” replies the duck, “so just put it on my bill.”
The transaction occurs, and with an amused chuckle, the duck grabs the Tic Tacs and leaves.
Two hours later, the duck returns. And indeed, the hottest redhead the clerk has ever seen accompanies the duck.
“I wanna buy a condom,” the duck announces loudly without a hint of decorum.
The clerk, making every effort not to imagine the scenario posed by this turn of events, places a condom on the counter and states, “I suppose you want me to put this on your bill.”
The duck replies, “What? Do I look like some kind of pervert to you?”
Why was the kinky spider attracted to ducks?
Webbed feet.
What do you call an exploding duck?
A firequacker.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
You can’t peanut butter a duck up your a$$.
Three ducks got arrested and had to go to court.
The first duck gets up on the stand, the judge says, “Tell me your name and what you did wrong.” The first duck says, “My name is Quack, and I got busted for blowing bubbles in the pond.” The judge says, “Ok, you go to jail for 3 days.”
The second duck gets on the stand, and the judge asks the same thing. The duck says, “My name is Quack Quack, and I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond.” The judge sends him to jail for 3 days.
The third duck gets up on the stand, and the judge says, “Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack?”
The duck says, “Nah, I’m Bubbles.”
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What do you call a disabled duck?
Handiquacked.
What did the husband duck think about his wife’s new lingerie?
It was very seducktive…
A duck had s*x with a chicken as the rooster watched with great excitement.
This somehow managed to created a new species, which was named after the rooster. The scientist called this species the “Cuck”.
Do you have a dirty Duck joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
A duck walks into a convenience store and asks “Do you carry any chap stick?”
The clerk replies, “Yes, got it right here. Will this be cash or card?”
The duck says “Just put it on my bill.”