Penguins may look like they’re always ready for a wedding in their black-and-white tuxedos, but let’s be real, these birds are not as innocent as they appear. Behind that classy walk is a drama-filled life of slipping, sliding, and stealing fish from each other, and if that doesn’t sound like adult behavior, what does? That’s where things get fun when you hear about Dirty Penguin Jokes.
Now, once you mix penguins with the kind of humor not meant for kids, the whole story takes a hilarious turn. Suddenly, those wobbly steps and icy dives feel like comedy sketches meant only for grown-ups. The best part is how perfectly their serious faces make the dirty side of their jokes land. And that’s exactly why Dirty Penguin Jokes never fail to crack people up.
Adult Penguin Jokes
Did you know penguins scream during s*x?
Maybe not all of them? But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.
So why did you name your penguin Osama Bin Laden?
Because he’s on the No-Fly list too.
Guy runs into a bar, yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
Bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
Guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
They say penguins mate for their whole life.
God knows where they get the stamina.
Yo mama so fat, even penguins are jealous of the way she waddles.
What’s the difference between a penguin and a priest?
I’m not scared when my kids are alone with a penguin.
A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working, so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.
When he got there, the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what was wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot, so he asked the mechanic where he could cool down.
The mechanic replied, “There is an ice cream parlor a few blocks up the street,” so the penguin thanked him and waddled up to the parlor. When he got there he ordered the biggest cup of vanilla ice cream they had.
After a while of enjoying his ice cream, he started to head back to the mechanic. When he got back, the mechanic said, “Hey, it looks like you blew a seal.” Then the penguin shouted “No, no! It’s just vanilla ice cream!”
Recommended: Penguin Jokes
What do you call penguins without a gun?
P*nis.
What did The Penguin say when he walked in on Batman m@sturbating?
“W@nk! W@nk! W@nk! W@nk! W@nk! W@nk! W@nk!”
The seven dwarves go to the Vatican.
When the Pope answers the door, Dopey steps forward and nervously asks, “Your Excellency, I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?”
“No, Dopey, I don’t think there are,” the Pope replies.
The other six dwarves start to giggle.
“Well, are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?” Dopey persists.
“No, none in all of Italy,” the Pope answers more sternly.
The dwarves begin to laugh even more.
“Are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?”
This time, the Pope is much firmer. “Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.”
By now, the other dwarves are laughing aloud.
“Your Excellency,” Dopey demands. “Are there any dwarf nuns in the whole world?”
“No, Dopey, ” the Pope snaps. “There are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world!”
The six dwarves start jumping up and down, chanting, “Dopey f*cked a penguin! Dopey f*cked a penguin!”
What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin?
A life time ban at the zoo.
Why do penguins f*ck?
They got hoes.
A guy goes to the whorehouse, but he’s strapped for cash.
“What can I get for 5 bucks?”
“5 bucks… That’ll get you a ‘penguin.’ Rose! Come, take this man back and give him a penguin.”
Rose takes the man to her room, undoes his pants, and starts giving him a bl*wjob. But right before he is getting ready to come, she gets up and walks away.
The man becomes upset and, with his pants still around his ankles, waddles after her. “Wait, so this is a penguin?!”
Recommended: Adult Duck Jokes
What’s black, white, and red all over?
Half a penguin.
I named my penguin MJ.
Because he sexu@lly abuses children.
A penguin goes into a pub.
At the bar, the peanuts say, “Nice tie, Mr!” In the toilets, the condom machine says, “You look stupid in that tie.”
So he complains to the barman.
The barman says, “The peanuts are complimentary, but the condom machine is out of order.”
Best friends are like penguins.
If you st@b them, they die.
Do you have a dirty Penguin joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
