Gifts are a universal way of showing affection, appreciation, or celebration. They come in all shapes and sizes, from lavish presents wrapped in glossy paper to simple, heartfelt tokens of love. The act of giving a gift is deeply ingrained in human culture, playing a crucial role in many occasions like birthdays, weddings, and holidays like Christmas. The joy of gifts isn’t just in the receiving but also in the giving, as it offers a way to express feelings and strengthen bonds. However, the process of selecting the perfect gift can sometimes be a source of humor, especially when expectations clash with reality, or when the quest for the ideal present leads to amusingly unexpected choices.
Funny gift jokes play on these scenarios, highlighting the lighter side of gift-giving and receiving. These jokes often revolve around the humorous outcomes of misunderstood wish lists, the challenges of finding a unique present, or the playful teasing between friends and family about predictable or outlandish gifts. They’re a way to laugh about the sometimes stressful, sometimes delightful experience of exchanging gifts. Sharing these jokes can be a fun addition to gift exchanges at parties or family gatherings, reminding everyone that while it’s the thought that counts, a good laugh is often the best gift of all.
Best Gift Jokes
Why is a lottery ticket a weird gift to give someone?
it’s like “Here. This has a 99% chance of being disappointing. I saw it and thought of you!”
Wife: You always get the worst anniversary gifts.
Husband: You didn’t say over. Over.
What do you call it when a zombie hands you a gift?
A dead give away.
Why is a broken drum the best gift?
It can’t be beat.
What gift do you get a dad with six kids?
A vasectomy.
What do you call a politician with half a brain?
Gifted.
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
The cop says, “You are the lawyer.”
The lawyer asked, “Exactly, so where’s my present?”
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag.
She said, “Thanks for the baghdad.”
Why was the letter E the only letter to get Christmas gifts?
Because all the other letters were ‘not E’.
When the boy dressed up for Halloween as a gifted child, what did he say?
He sadly replied, “I was supposed to be a lot of things…”
How did the knight feel after he received an unexpected gift?
Sir-prized.
A woman took a nap on New Year’s Eve.
When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”
He replied, “Aha, you’ll know tonight!” At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped present. Excited, she opened it quickly, but was even more surprised: In it was a book titled The Meaning of Dreams.
Why is Amazon a lot like Santa Claus?
It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around Christmas, and is very eager for our cookies.
What are the perfect housewarming gifts?
Space heaters.
How do politicians wrap presents?
With lots of red tape.
Why shouldn’t you give a plastic water bottle to a Portuguese as a congratulatory gift?
It contains no parabéns.
Jesus writes a letter to the three wise men years later, and thanks them for the gifts they gave him.
“Hello Wise Men, Thanks for the Frankincense, first wise man, I will make great use of it, perhaps not now, but far later in life. As for you, second wise man, I am very pleased with the Myrrh, it smells lovely and I have been scenting my house with it. However, third wise man, I am travel weary and cannot remember the gift that you sent. I may correspond in the future with you further.”
Days later in the wise men’s house, another letter arrives.
Did you hear about this person’s talent where he can see inside wrapped presents?
It’s a gift.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to…. make my presents felt.
What do you call a naturally gifted opera singer?
Operadigy.
What present can you give to the woman who has everything?
Antibiotics.
An old woman had three sons. Two were rich and the other was poor. This woman’s 90th birthday was coming up and this depressed the poorer son as he knew he could never match his brother’s gifts in terms of expense or splendor.
However, he didn’t give up and thought of a gift she would really love. He knew his mum was highly religious but as she was getting older her eyesight was failing her meaning she couldn’t read her Bible anymore.
He spent a while thinking about this and came up with a solution. He bought a parrot and spent every waking moment training this bird to quote Bible verses on command. This took intense training and meant many missed social occasions and late nights. After a monumental effort, he managed to train the parrot so that it could quote all of his mum’s favorite verses.
After her 90th birthday, the woman invited her sons round so she could thank them personally for her gifts.
She turned to the first son and thanked him for the car complete with chauffeur as this allowed her to get to church as she could no longer drive.
She then thanked the second son for her new house which had stair lifts and all kinds of modifications to help make her life easier.
Then she turned to the third son and said, “Son, I have to say you know me best. That chicken was delicious!”
What’s the best parting gift?
A comb.
Why can’t Luke Skywalker ever give his dad a surprise gift?
Because Vader can always sense his presents.
Why does Mike Tyson only use gift bags?
Because he stopped boxing years ago.
It was the end of the school year, and a teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist’s son handed her a wrapped gift. She gently shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.” “That’s right!”, the boy said, “But, how did you know?” “Oh, just a wild guess,” she replied.
The daughter of a baker presented her a gift next. Lifting it a few times, she said “I think it’s a box of cake”. “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the owner of the local liquor store. The teacher held the package overhead but noticed it was leaking a clear liquid. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No”, the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. “Is it champagne?” she asked. “No”, the boy replied again, with even more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”
With great glee, the boy replied, “Surprise! It’s a puppy!”
What’s the best gift for the person that has everything?
A security alarm.
Why is a watch a great gift?
Because there’s no present like the time.
Why does Santa carry a big sack of gifts?
That’s just how he presents himself.
Matt’s wife has been dropping hints about her birthday gift for weeks.
Now, on the day before, Matt asks, “So what do you think you’re getting for your birthday?”
His wife responds, “All I know is that it better be in the driveway and it better go from zero to 200 in under six seconds.”
“Oh, it will,” Matt responds, “and it does.”
The next morning his wife wakes up to find a bathroom scale in the driveway.
What would a Japanese pirate say if you gifted him a bottle of rum?
“Arrrrrrrrigatou.”
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
“Wait, there’s myrrh.”
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What kind of gifts do criminals get?
Police presence.
Two brothers went to their grandma’s for Christmas.
The younger opened up his gift and was delighted to find a nice scarf his grandma had knitted for him.
The older found a card with his name on it. Inside it read “Merry Christmas, Love Grandma”
Later that night the older brother complained to his brother, “Why does grandma love you so much more than me?”
“She does not! Why would you say that?” Responded the younger.
“Because every year you get a gift and all I ever get is a card.”
“That’s not true, I’ve seen you get gifts!” Scolded the younger.
Rolling his eyes the older demanded, “When I was little, but it’s been years. All I get is cards. In fact, I will bet you next year I get a card again.”
“It’s a bet then, let’s make it $100.” smiled the brother.
“$100 I get a card again next year. Deal!” The older glared back.
The next year came around and they both rushed to the tree. To the younger’s delight, below the tree was a package with his older brother’s name.
He chuckled, “Hope you brought my money, big bro.”
After dinner, the older brother retrieved his gift. As he opened it a smile came across his face.
The younger brother nudged closer and peeked inside. He too smiled, “Hah! That’ll be $100, you get a sweater! Told you!”
Smuggly the older pulled the present out and with a grin, he said, “No I don’t. This isn’t a sweater, I got a cardigan.”
What’s the best gift for a Zen master?
A house, because they like to live in the present.
Do you want to know what one of the coolest gifts you could ever get someone is?
Liquid nitrogen.
What’s the best gift for an electrician?
Joules.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for her birthday. As they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by the sweetheart’s sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During wrapping, the clerk mixed the items up and the sister got the gloves instead. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with this note:
“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove!
What do you call it if you give someone a Mahler Symphony record as a gift?
A Gustav Christmas Present.
What kind of music do Santa’s elves play in their gift workshop?
Wrap music.
Who delivers gifts to the outer half of the universe?
Saturn Claus.
A traveler enters a pub.
The barkeep says, “Welcome! What are you drinking?” The traveler, weary from her long journey, responds simply, “Your finest ale, please.” The barkeep tells her, “Brilliant.” As he pours her a pint of his finest ale, he makes her an offer.
“Since you are a first time customer, I will offer you a gift I offer all of my first time customers.” The traveler blushed and nodded at the bartender, who was easy on her eyes.
“You may choose either this first pint of ale is free or instead you may pay for the beer and I will give you a piece of valuable advice.” The traveler pondered this for a moment, knowing her coin purse is light.
“Though my purse is light, barkeep, I am intrigued by your offer. I will pay for my ale, now please share the valuable advice.” The barkeep grinned, counting the coins she had given him, looked her in the eye, and said, “You should’ve taken the free pint.”
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What did 50 Cent say after Dr. Dre gifted him a hat and gloves?
“Gee, you knit?”
Why did the gift have perfect attendance?
Because it’s always present.
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, “Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth.” Reflecting, the man says, “I’ll take the wisdom!”
“Wisdom is yours,” says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, “I should have taken the money.”
What do you call a magically gifted woman on the beach?
A Sand witch.
Why was Eminem hired to wrap gifts for Santa at his workshop?
Because he was a wrap god.
People with birthdays falling on Christmas shouldn’t mind that gifts are combined for the holiday,
Jesus sure didn’t!
A girl walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“I got an anonymous gift for Valentine’s Day, but I’m pretty sure it’s actually from Kanye West,” she tells the bartender. “What makes you think that?” the bartender asks.
“The bad wrapping,” she replies.
What did the gifted psychic say on their birthday?
“I feel a present’s arriving.”
Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention.
They call it the Enter prize.
What is the best gift for an autistic child?
100s n 1000s.
Recommended: Rude Santa Jokes
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day on her birthday, the husband asked her what she would like as a gift. The wife is overcome with emotion. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me till now. There is no way I could ever repay you.”
“My darling,” he replied, “Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
What do auto-tune and gift bags have in common?
They both help bad wrappers/rappers.
Did you hear about the dyslexic egomaniac?
He thinks he’s Dog’s gift to everybody.
How do you know a truly gifted performance?
It’s set in the present.
Wife: Honey, I’m going on a business trip to London. What gift do you want?
Husband: A British girl would be nice.
Wife: Okay.
The wife completes her trip and returns home.
Husband: So did you bring me a British girl?
Wife: Yeah.
Husband: Where is she?
Wife: It takes nine months to unpack the gift.
What’s the best dinosaur to help with Christmas gifts?
A velociwraptor.
What movie does Rick Astley never gift?
Up.
Who delivers Christmas gifts to lobsters?
Santa Claws.
A gay man goes to a church.
When the donation tin makes it’s way to the gay man, he leaves $1000 in the tin. Once the tin makes its way back to the pastor, the pastor is shocked! He yells, “Whoever left such a generous donation, please make yourself known!”. The gay man stands up and says “I did”. The pastor smiles at the man and says, “This church thanks you for such a gift! The congregation would love for you to choose 3 hymns”.
The gay man starts pointing around the church and saying, “I will take him, and him and him!”
Recommedned: Dirty Birthday Jokes
What’s the similarity between Santa’s presents and a horny virgin?
They both come in socks.
Why do Mexcians bring tamales to every Christmas get-together?
So everyone has a gift to unwrap.
What gift would you buy a retiring prostitute?
A long cervix award.
If a hoe doesn’t buy you a gift for your birthday, should you be upset with her?
No, it’s the thot that counts.
Do you have a funny joke about gifts? Write down the puns in the comment section below!
I received an anniversary gift from my wife. I’m not into knives but she got me an engraved benchmark 9160sbk auto triage. I told her it was pointless.