Greek mythology, steeped in tales of gods, goddesses, and heroes, is a pivotal part of Western cultural heritage. From Zeus, the king of gods, to Hercules, known for his strength, these stories blend human traits with natural phenomena. They served as explanations for the natural world and human experiences, filled with drama, epic battles, and complex relationships. The myths, rich in scandal and drama, are not just relics of the past but continue to influence modern culture and literature.
The realm of Greek mythology jokes taps into the humorous potential of these ancient tales. Picture Zeus juggling his complex family dynamics or Hercules trying to navigate everyday life with superhuman strength. There’s humor in modernizing these myths: envision Aphrodite navigating dating apps or Apollo as a modern-day rock star. Puns abound, like a winking Cyclops or Poseidon having a ‘whale’ of a time. These jokes blend ancient stories with contemporary life, highlighting the timeless nature of these mythological characters and their enduring appeal across ages.
Ancient Greek Mythology Jokes
What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?
Rolling Stones.
Don’t you feel like, in mythology, Neptune is just a copy of Poseidon?
Like whoever created Neptune literally read what Poseidon’s main powers were and was like “Ctrl C”!
Which Greek God loved to collect animals?
Zoos.
Yo mama so fat, the Greeks called her Gaia.
What do you call a Greek goddess with no aim?
Artemiss.
Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?
Nobody.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Zeus.
(Oh No!)
If the Roman version of Demeter is Ceres, what is the American version of Demeter?
Da yard.
Don’t you know how great the goddess Athena was?
Even Zeus was open minded when she was born.
Yo mama so ugly, Athena’s curse made her look better.
What’s Poseidon’s favorite instrument?
The sea bass.
Why don’t Greek gods insult people anymore?
Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.
The God of the Sun has burnt millions and millions of people…
But that’s ok, because he Apollo-gized.
Why does Cerberus like the underworld so much?
Because of the Styx.
Just remember Greek Mythology in a nutshell:
Zeus: I’m gonna f**k it.
Everybody: No, don’t.
Zeus: Too laTE!
What do you call a son of Zeus with a bad cold?
A Phlegmigod.
What do you call it when the goddess of knowledge has no friends?
Pal-less Athena.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Medusa.
(Medusa wh…..)
What do you call the Greek God of Humor?
Hilarios.
Yo mama so fat, Sisyphus said “Aw hell naw, gimme a boulder to push up that hill instead.”
Which way does a Cyclops wing it’s eyeliner?
It doesn’t matter, because Nobody is going to notice.
What’s used to communicate between Hades and Olympus?
A Persephone.
What did Zeus wear beneath his toga?
Thunderwear.
Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.
An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks ‘Hey, why the hell not? If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!’
So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along the way, he sees dozens of noble warriors, bodybuilders, and others laying on the ground, devastated. Their absolute and utter exhaustion is displayed clearly by the pools of sweat underneath them, and the sound of wheezing can be heard from over 50 yards away. The hero is now concerned, these men appear to be very strong and fit, but he is more so than all of them. Further, he sees Hercules, Chuck Norris, and even Atlas, who held up the entire world for countless years, receiving medical attention for their hands which are shaking uncontrollably. The hero is extremely worried and heavily considers turning back. If these great men could not best the challenge of strength, then how could I? But the prospect of becoming a god was too tempting, and he pressed forward.
The hero had finally reached Zeus who was holding a jar of peanut butter. “Welcome, great hero. If you wish to become a god you must complete 4 feats of strength. Here is a jar of peanut butter. Please open the jar without using any hot water.” The hero took the jar, and while tight, presented no challenge as he opened it without a grimace.
“Very good,” says Zeus. “For the next challenge, you must carry 8 bags of groceries in one trip, without dropping any or breaking the eggs.” As a man, the hero has done this countless times before, so he was not particularly worried. He picked up 4 in one hand and 4 in the other, and carried them over to Zeus’s refrigerator.
“You give me hope, challenger! Perhaps someone will be able to complete my challenges after all. The feats increase in difficulty, of course, so be prepared for this next one! I have lodged my sword in this slab of granite. Retrieve the sword for me and I will present you the final challenge.” The hero begins to pull on the sword, and it is very difficult. He notices the sword wiggle slightly, which gives him just enough confidence to unlodge the sword using most of his might. He presents the sword to Zeus.
“Hero, you have completed the first 3 trials and only one remains. No mortal man has made it this far, and it is as far as Hercules, Chuck Norris, and all the great heroes have made it; but none have succeeded. Complete this, and you shall have a seat in the legendary Pantheon.
Zeus holds out his hand and says “Here is an uncracked pistachio. Open it.”
Which Goddess is 3.37 feet tall?
Demeter.
Why is Medusa the best drug dealer?
One look and you’re stoned.
What did the King of the Underworld say when Zeus gave him a gift he didn’t like?
“I hades.”
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half calf.
What do you call the Greek God of Regret?
Apollogies.
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Why don’t the other Olympians hang out with Dionysus?
All he does is wine.
What do you call it when Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon band together to fix a computer?
The Greek Squad.
In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.
He was the Centaur for Disease Control.
While doing a crossword, the Cyclops asked his wife, “How do you spell Hawaii?”
She replied, “You need two i’s.”
Cyclops growled, “My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it?”
What did Zeus say to Atlas?
“Hold up.”
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped?
Demeter wasn’t working.
What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight?
A Diety.
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another?
”I Apollo-gise’!’
What do Aphrodite and Ryan Seacrest have in common?
They’re both made from seafoam.
What do you call the Greek God of Bad Spelling?
Typos!
How long does it take to get through a labyrinth?
A minotaur two.
What do you call a Greek primordial god who can’t swim?
Titanic.
Why does Zeus make terrible pizza?
Because he doesn’t know when to pull out.
Polyphemus the Cyclops learns his assaulter’s name and yells to Poseidon to strike him down Poseidon asks why.
Polyphemus replied, “He’s O-dissing-us!”
Why was the Greek God Apollo named that?
Because he was a chicken.
Did you know that the Greek god Chronos was in the Mafia?
He was the Don of Time itself!
Son: Dad, why’d you name me Oddesyus? He’s from Greek mythology.
Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall.
Isn’t it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for Earth?
It’s just named after that stuff on the ground.
Which of the Greek gods always complained of feeling distant?
Demeter.
What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?
Ancient Greece.
You know how in Greek Mythology people who died tragically were sometimes placed among the stars by the Gods?
That’s a constellation prize.
What do you call a Greek god from Hawaii?
Apollo-nesian.
What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose?
They Titan them.
What do you say when a Greek mythological bird wants to enter your room?
“Joaquin phoenix.”
What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops?
“Nobody cares.”
What’s it called when Hermes and Aphrodite have sex?
Hermaphrodite.
Why is Apollo’s sister so easy to find?
Because she’s Hard-temis.
Jesus and Zeus walk into a bar.
Everyone inside yells “Hey Zeus!”
There were rumors spreading that Zeus had been cheating on his wife with other women.
But it was all just Hera-say!
Why was the Greek god arrested?
Because it committed a misDEMETER.
Why didn’t Jupiter know about Zeus?
He was Mythinformed.
What is the name of the author who writes children’s books about mythology?
Dr. Zeus.
Why would Prometheus make a good postman?
It involves a lot of de-livering!
The Sun God Helios was hungover today. Unable to lift his radiant body out of bed he just stuck his blazing bare bum over the horizon,
It was the crack of dawn.
Did you hear the joke about the shield from Greek mythology?
Many would think so, it’s been around for aegis.
Oedipus, Aphrodite and Midas walk into a bar.
Forget the rest but I can assure you it’s mother-f*cking gold.
Did you hear about the man who used to obsess over Jeanne D’Arc, Tomoe Gozen, and the Goddess Athena?
It’s a shame he died of a Heroine overdose.
They say your body is a temple, and mine is the Temple of Aphrodite,
Destroyed and in ruins.
Yo mama so ugly even Zeus wouldn’t f**k her.
Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero Bophades?
He’s a lot like Achilles, but instead, his weak point was his groin. You’ve heard of Achilles Heel but did you know about Bophades’ nuts?!
Who was the Greek god of cleavage?
Paratitties.
Do you have a funny joke about Greek gods and goddesses? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god
I had to explain that Buddha isn’t Greek.
So when Aphrodite sprawls out bare-a** naked in a giant clam shell, she’s a “goddess.”
But when I do it, supposedly I’m “a drunk” and “no longer welcome at the aquarium.”