An ICE agent is a real job with a serious badge and long days. ICE agents enforce immigration laws, follow rules, and knock on doors that rarely open with smiles. Many people do not like them, which adds tension to every step. In stories, the agent often becomes the stiff character who never laughs, and that is where the jokes pour in.
Jokes about ICE agents grow from the gap between authority and everyday life. Writers turn stress into smiles by telling tales where seriousness meets silly situations without crossing lines. Immigrants laugh to release nerves, even when they dislike the subject, and the humor becomes a way to talk about power, fear, and relief all at once.

Best US Immigration and Customs Enforcement Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who threw a sandwich at an ICE agent?
He’s charged with assault with a deli weapon.

Why do ICE agents never tell anyone their badge number?
Because they can’t count that high and they’re too embarrassed to admit it.

Why veterans hate ICE?
Because they have to watch these guys put up Call of Duty-level gear to raid a Walmart.

A philosopher, a quantum physicist, a feminist and an ICE agent all spot a Mexican pitbull stuck on a tree.
The philosopher asks, “Why is it there?”
The quantum physicist asks, “How is it there?”
The feminist asks, “How is she there?”
The ICE agent asks, “Permission to open fire?”

How many ICE agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and nine more to say they were there too.

I work as a Customs Officer and yesterday I had my yearly performance review.
They feel I’m borderline incompetent.

An ICE agent came to inspect a farm. The farmer said, “Fine, but just don’t go in the north field.” The agent showed his badge and yelled, “I can go wherever I want!” A few minutes later, he was running from an angry bull, terrified.
The farmer shouted, “Hey, show him your badge!”

Recommended: Immigrant Jokes

How many ICE agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just deport the room for being too dark.

How does every ICE agent joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.

A Chinese man is walking through US customs.
The customs officer asks him his occupation.
The Chinese man replies, “Tibet.”

Why did the ant get stopped by the customs officers?
It must have been importANT.

Why did the ICE agent bring a ladder to work?
Because they heard someone crossed the line.

An ICE Agent catches an illegal immigrant running in Minneapolis, he pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, we have got to take you in for questioning and checking papers.”
The Mexican immigrant pleads with him, “No, noooo, Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!” The ICE Agent thinks to himself, ‘I’m going to make it hard for him,’ and says, “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence.”
The Mexican, of course, agrees. The ICE Agent tells him, “The 3 words are Green, Pink, and Yellow…….Now use all of them in 1 sentence.”
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok…… The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?”

How do you get a one-armed ICE agent out of a tree?
Wave to him.

Every ICE agent could have joined the army, but they did not. Do you know why?
Because then the brown people shoot back.

Compare the ICE detention centres to N@zi$ Camps all you want…
At least the N@zi$ gave them showers.

Why did the ICE agent cross the road?
To check who else crossed.

Do you have an ICE Agent joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!