50 Funny Immigrant Jokes That Are Illegal to Read Loud

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Jessica Amlee

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Immigrants are like brave explorers, venturing into new lands with dreams and a sense of humor. They’re the heroes who navigate a new culture, sometimes mixing up languages and creating amusing expressions. Every day is an adventure, from trying to understand local slang to searching for familiar foods in unfamiliar grocery aisles. This journey of discovery and funny missteps is the perfect backdrop for immigrant jokes, where laughter bridges cultural gaps.

Immigrant jokes are all about the humorous side of adapting to a new country. They celebrate the unique and often funny experiences that immigrants share. These jokes highlight moments like deciphering local customs, which can feel like a puzzle, or over-preparing for a first snowfall while locals barely bundle up. They’re a nod to the amusing and challenging aspects of starting anew in a different place, offering a warm, humorous welcome that says, “We’ve been there, and it’s okay to laugh along the way.”

Best Immigrant Jokes

Do Transformers get car insurance or health insurance?
Nether. They’re immigrants in America.

A CEO, a laborer, and an immigrant are at a table.
The table has 20 cookies. The CEO takes 19 cookies and says to the laborer, “Look out, that immigrant is trying to take your cookie!”

A man visited Australia.
The immigration officer asked me if he had a criminal record.
Confused, he replied, “Oh, is that still required?”

What do you call immigrants to Sweden?
Artificial Swedeners.

A Polish immigrant went to the opticians for an eye test. The optician shows him a card with the letters:
“Can you read this?” the optician asks.
“Read it?” the Pole replies, “I know this guy.”

Why do some people not like Illegal immigration jokes?
They are borderline offensive.

Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding illegal immigrants in Prague?
He got prison for caching false Czechs.

A man dies and finds himself with the unique opportunity to spend one day in both heaven and hell before deciding where he’ll spend eternity. In heaven, he finds tranquility and serenity, but it’s a bit too calm for his taste. Hell, on the other hand, surprises him with a non-stop party atmosphere — luxury, girls, entertainment, and all the indulgences he could imagine.
The next day, he meets St. Peter and says, “Heaven’s nice and all, but I think I fit in better with the vibe down in hell.”
So, he heads back to hell, expecting more of the lively scene he experienced before. But this time, it’s all fire, brimstone, and endless torment. Confused and horrified, he finds the devil and asks, “What happened to the party? The lavish lifestyle and all the fun?”
The devil just smirks and replies, “Well, that’s the difference between being a tourist and being an immigrant.”

Why Immigration to the US is a good thing?
Every time someone moves to the US from their home country, the average IQs of both nations go up.

What do you call the first migrant off of the boat? Amhere. What do you call the second migrant off the boat? Amhere Azwell. What do you call the third migrant off the boat?
Amhere Azwell Azthem.

What do you call an unsuccessful migrant trying to illegally cross the U.S. southern border?
A Mexicant.

Where would migrant cows seek refuge?

As an immigration officer, they may not always agree with you.
But they can see where you are coming from.

Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.

A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States
Chu, Bu, Hu, Su, and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Recommended: Jokes About Chinese

What is the best thing about immigrating to Switzerland?
Well for starters the flag is a big plus.

Where do immigrant bees go when they want to come to America?
The USB Port.

A Jewish guy walking through Chinatown notices a jewelry shop with has a big sign that says – Abe Goldberg jewelry.
He walks in and asks to meet Abe Goldberg. A Chinese man comes out from the back and says, “Herro, I Abe Golber.”
The Jewish guy says, “You’re Abe Goldberg? How did you get that name?”
The Chinese man tells how when he was at Ellis Island, the guy in line before him was Abe Goldberg. When the immigration officer asked for his name he said, “Sam Ting.”

Why did Donald Trump marry an immigrant?
Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American wants to do.

What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and a little old lady?
The illegal immigrant isn’t worried about his next fuel bill.

Recently, a man immigrated to a new land where he doesn’t speak the language and has fellow workers who take him to lunch every day. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders: morning, Apple Pie and Coffee; noon, Apple Pie and Coffee; night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of the same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns to order Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: “Hiya, hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?”
Man (smiling proudly): “Steak and Eggs!”
Waitress: “Oh! Changing it up today! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny-side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well?”
Man: “… Apple Pie and Coffee.”

What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. learned to speak English and wanted to go home.

Why should you never smoke weed with immigrants?
If you ask, “Anyone have any papers? Then they all will run like anything.

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.”
“Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their “dogs.”
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?”

What do you call an old Hispanic immigrant?
A señor citizen.

In Prague, the criminal consequences for auto accidents are worse if you are an immigrant.
So you better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.

Bill Gates woke up in the morning and found that his Mexican housekeepers were gone.
He asked his wife Melinda where they went, who replied that Steve Jobs had shown up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage. Bill became furious.
“F*cking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!”

Recommended: Jokes About Mexican

A cop pulls an illegal immigrant over near the US-Mexico border and asks, “Papers?”
The immigrant responds, “Scissors” and drives away.

Only 10% of the UK will be racist towards immigrants by 2050.
And in 2050 only 90% of the UK will be immigrants.

A Somali walks into England as a new immigrant.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you, Mr. Englishman, for letting me into this country!” But the passer-by says, “You are mistaken; I am Pakistani.” The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!” The person replies, “I no English, I from Hong Kong.” The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees, he stops, shakes his hand, and says, “Thank you for the wonderful England!” That person responds, “I am from Iran; I am not English.” He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an English citizen?” She says, “No, I am from Romania!” Puzzled, he asks her, “Where are all the English?” The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says, “Probably at work.”

What do you call an immigrant 6?
A four-an two

What do illegal immigrants hate about the winter?

A Russian immigrant comes to America, works hard, and can buy his very first home: a condominium apartment. He throws an all-night party with his friends to celebrate. One of his guests notices a hammer and a large metal pot next to one of the walls.
“What is that for?” he asks.
The Russian says “That is my talking American clock.”
“Really?… How does it work?”
“I will show you.”
The Russian takes the metal pot, places it next to the wall, and bangs on it with the hammer till the next-door neighbor yells, “It’s three o’clock in the fucking morning!”

When do immigrants drop the letter M and become migrants?
When they leave motherland for other-land.

There’s no place like home.
Unless you’re an immigrant.

Recommended: Jokes about Polish

“I’m groping the balls of the storm.”
The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.
“I…rub the storm…balls?” the man said, coughing.
Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice.
“I’m so sorry, my father has been learning English. He won’t be making it to work today because he’s feeling sick.”
“Oh! That’s perfectly fine, but…what was the part about rubbing…storm balls…?”
The kid laughed. “We were working on popular English idioms this week. He was trying to say he’s feeling under the weather.”

What’s the definition of irony?
Britain First sounds like an advertisement for any immigrant looking for a new country.

We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down s*x offenders for a chance at citizenship.
We can call it “Alien vs Predator”.

What do you call love making with an immigrant?

Do you have a new and funny joke about Immigrants? Write down the funny one-liners in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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