Iran is a country full of ancient beauty, deep traditions, and a government that always seems like it’s one serious eyebrow away from declaring something forbidden. While people enjoy rich culture, poetry, and more tea than humanly possible, the regime keeps a tight grip on just about everything, from dress codes to internet speed. Add to that the long-running tensions with the US and the recent conflict with Israel, and you’ve got a country where the politics are just as dramatic as a soap opera, except with more speeches and fewer happy endings. Iran Jokes thrive in all this, like sunflowers in the middle of a desert.
Now, these jokes don’t hold back, they laugh in the face of high prices, sudden power cuts, and slogans that sound like they were written during a lunch break. In a place where news travels slower than gossip, and sanctions make everything either illegal or expensive, humor becomes a survival tool. Iran jokes are how the people take back a little power, one laugh at a time.
Best Iran Jokes
How did I get out of Iraq?
Iran.
Why is the unemployment rate increasing in Iran?
Because of all of the women quitting their ‘Jabs.
When I realized who was in WW3.
Iran.
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It’s called Prints of Persia.
Iran bans Americans from traveling there.
Won’t beheading there anymore.
Which country did Usain Bolt move to after his retirement?
Iran.
Why do you never see a flock of seagulls in the Middle East?
Because Iran’s so far away.
What is Forrest Gump’s favorite country?
Iran.
What do Iranians and Americans have in similar?
They both hate the US government.
Three Britons are on holiday in Iran, smoking weed while sitting on a bench.
One is a goth girl, the second is a very progressive man with a rainbow t-shirt, and the 3rd is a businessman in a suit and tie.
A police officer comes over and instantly arrests the businessman, taking him into his car. He then starts to drive off.
“Why did you arrest me?” Asks the businessman.
“Well, weed is haram, and very much illegal here in the Islamic Republic of Iran,” said the officer
“What about the others? They were smoking it too!” Exclaims the man.
“That is true,” said the officer, “but over here we also don’t have any issue with women and gays getting stoned.”
Recommended: Arab Jokes
People in Iran are scared of spiders.
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Why did the President of Iran’s helicopter fly into the side of a mountain?
The pilot thought they were flying to a rock.
Did you know that Iran has no Walmart?
Only Targets.
Nobody can argue that Trump is creating jobs.
A position as an Iranian general just opened up.
A young woman was walking along a deserted beach, admiring the sunset, when she noticed a lamp partially buried in the sand. She picked it up and brushed the sand off. To her surprise, a Genie appeared in front of her.
The Genie said, “You’ve got one wish—make it snappy.”
The young woman replied, “I thought Genies gave three wishes?”
“Not since the GFC. So, what’s your wish?” said the Genie.
The young woman pulled a map of the Middle East from her backpack.
“See these countries? Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine, Israel, etc.? Well, I want them all to live in peace,” she said.
The Genie studied the map, rubbed his chin, and grunted, “WTF—that’s impossible. Try another wish.”
“Well,” said the young woman, “I want a perfect man. One who is kind, compassionate, gentle, likes children and housework, loves to cook, and will help clean the house—even if the Super Bowl is on.”
The Genie stared at her for a long moment, sighed deeply, and finally said:
“Show me that f***ing map again.”
Why did the Iranian nanny cross the road?
To get to the other Saeed.
Someone told me to go back to my own country.
So Iran.
Why did the g@y man want to go to Iran?
He heard all the g@ys were hung.
How did I get out of Afghanistan?
Iran.
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died, and over a million were injured. Iran and the adjoining areas are totally ruined, and the government doesn’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending Supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle, and food crops. The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the Infrastructure. Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims.
Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.
Unfortunately, the name Iran was already taken.
What is the best country for retired runners?
Iran.
What is Iran’s favorite band?
Houthis & the Blowfish.
What do Iranians do when you’re mean to them?
Tehran away.
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern.
In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, “Listen. Differences aside, we can’t let you send people to the sun. It’s suicide. They burn to death even at far distances! Please don’t carry out this mission!”
The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, “Stupid Americans! They think we’re going during the daytime!”
Do you know why Iran’s new navy has glass bottom ships?
So they can see the old Iran navy.
So the next World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There’s going to be some rule changes:
Queens won’t be able to move without the king’s permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet.
Why doesn’t a flock of seagulls perform in the Middle East?
Because Iran so far away.
What is the name of the Mossad agent who killed the president of Iran?
Eli Copter.
What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?
“OMAN…”
Recommended: World War 3 Jokes
A man was laying on his deathbed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand.
He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable, but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, “Wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marry another man?”
“I imagine I will. Although I will miss you a lot my life will still continue…” she said.
“And, do you think you will move him into this house where we live now?” he asked.
“I suppose it will depend on the circumstances but it is a possibility. The house is very nice and I will always think of you when I am in it,” she said.
“And, do you think you will cook my favorite meal, the one you have made for me so many times, khoresht sabzi (Iranian dish…use your own food)? ” he asked.
“No, of course not! I would never make your favorite meal for him!” she said.
“This means so much to me. Please tell me why wouldn’t cook this meal for him?” he asked.
“He detests khoresht sabzi!”
The nation of Iran lies between the ancient lands of Babylon to the west and the mountains of Afghanistan to the east…
In other words, it’s between Iraq and a hard place.
Which country is the fastest at running?
Iran.
What would happen if Iran became communist?
It would become Weran.
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, “I have just one question about what I have seen in America.” The General said, “Well, anything I can do to help.”
The Iranian whispered, “My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims.
My son is very upset and doesn’t understand why there aren’t any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek.”
The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador and whispered in his ear, “That’s because it takes place in the future…”
Did you hear about the Iranian who punched a guy at the soccer game?
Well, the Shiite hit the fan.
It’s weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Hossein Salami was a few days ago…
It’s like he blew up overnight.
What car does an Iranian Dictator drive?
A Sedan Hussain.
Two Iranian soldiers find a couple of American rockets while on patrol.
One says, “They probably fell without blowing up, let’s load them up and take them back to base.”
The other says, “But what if one of them blows up on the way back?”
He replies, “We will tell them we only found one.”
Recommended: Muslim Jokes
What do you call an Iranian dinosaur?
A Tehrannosaurous rex.
What do you call an Iranian cat?
Purrsia.
Why are Iranian films so cheesy?
Because they’re made by kurds.
Why don’t they have Driver’s Education and S*x Education classes on the same day in Iran?
Because it would kill the camel.
Do you have a funny Iran Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
