30 Funny Palestine Jokes You Cannot Share With Hamas

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Jessica Amlee


Palestine, with its ancient roots and historically significant landmarks, is a land that conjures tales of empires, prophets, and legendary epochs. Situated in Western Asia, between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea, Palestine is not just a geopolitical entity but a symbol of enduring spirit and a rich cultural tapestry. Its cities like Jerusalem and Bethlehem have been crossroads of history, religion, and civilization for millennia. This land has seen the footprints of great conquerors, and the birth of religions, and has withstood the ebb and flow of time, bearing witness to tales both melancholic and triumphant.

While Palestine carries the weight of significant historical and contemporary complexities, every culture has its lighter side, and humor serves as a bridge between histories and present realities. Through humor, we can navigate the intricate pathways of society, focusing on shared laughter and the universality of human experience. After all, sometimes it’s the chuckles amidst challenges that keep the spirit undeterred and alive.

Dark Palestine Jokes

What drink is forbidden in Palestine?

Why does the “Free Palestine” motto never make sense to many?
No wonder they keep losing land. No Jew could pass on a deal like that.

How do they play Pokemon Go in the Gaza Strip?
They grab a round rock from the ground and say: “Pick-a-jew”!

Why do schizophrenic foreigners always get confused with the Israel-Palestine conflict?
Because they never know what is real and what is not.

When is the Jewish Thanksgiving?
When Palestine gets taken over.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Ya who?)

What do you call a French pig named Elizabeth who lives in Palestine?

Why should you start selling life insurance for Hamas?
It’s gonna be a booming business.

Why does Gaza keep firing rockets at Israel?
It keeps them occupied.

Did you hear that thousands gathered in London for the Palestine solidarity march?
It’s 2,226 miles to Gaza. Doubt they’ll do it by supper time.

A report asks why Gaza is blurry on Google Maps.
It’s because of all the alcohol he’s been consuming.

Imagine being in Gaza right now.
Every time someone sneezes, do loads of people immediately pull out guns, having heard, “A Jew!”?

What is the Irish solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict?
A two stout solution.

What do Israel and Palestine have in common?
Both are pro hummus.

Isn’t the war in the Gaza Strip crazy?
If Palestine’s opponent fights back, their struggle Israel.

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
“Where are you from?” he asks.
“I’m from Palestine” replies the cab driver, “and you?”
“I’m from Narnia.”
“Bullshit, that place doesn’t exist,” says the cab driver.
“Well, you started it,” says the Israeli.

Where is the Hamas headquarters?
Depends on where the Israeli missile hits.

Recommended: Israel Jokes

What would you call a video game on the Israel and Palestine conflict?
Hamas Effect.

Each time a Jew turns his head,
His nose sparks a new conflict with Palestine.

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie’s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The genie said, “I can only grant you one wish. So … what will it be?”
The young woman pulled out a map of the Middle East from her backpack. “See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine Israel, etc. Well, I want them all to live in peace,” she said. The Genie studied the map. “WTF lady, they’ve been fighting each other for hundreds of years, that’s impossible, try another wish,” the Genie grunted. “Well,” said the young woman, “Then I want a perfect man, one who is kind, compassionate, gentle likes children and housework, loves to cook, and will help clean the house even if the Super Bowl is on.”
The Genie stares at the young woman and finally says, “Show me that f*cking map again.”

What’s the common point between East Palestine and Palestine?

What county doesn’t have an Independence Day?

UN embassy, Ambassador of Israel speaks:
“I want to start my speech with an excursion into history. Long ago, Moses led the Jews through the desert. It was hot, People were thirsty. Then Moses hit the staff on the ground, and a lake appeared.
The Jews drank, and then Moses took off his clothes and went swimming. When he came out of the water, there were no clothes, because it was stolen by the Arabs!”
The representative of Palestine jumps up:
“Lying! At that time there were no Arabs there!!!”
Israeli Ambassador:
“It was from this that I wanted to start my speech.”

Why do Palestinians hate playing Mario Kart?
Checkpoint, Checkpoint, Checkpoint, and Checkpoint.

Has anyone been to that party over in Gaza?
Heard it was a blast.

The Hamas wheelchair-bound commander, a one-eyed, triple-amputee terror boss, Mohammed, ordered the Israel massacre.
After turning down a job at the BBC.

Two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics.
“I dunno Harry, I’m not sure I can support a president that does not support Israel, they have always been one of our strongest allies!”
“Sure, Bob, But what about the Palestine people ?”
At this, a squirrel jumps up on the bar stool next to them.
“Excuse me, gentlemen, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. While many in the West decry the annexation of the Palestine states they fail to see the obvious corollary of the ‘Western expansion’ of the US in the 1800s!”
With that the squirrel shrugs, jumps down, and walks across the bar. The dogs stare at him in silence as he walks away, and then one dog turns to the other and says, “Jesus Harry! Was that a fricking talking squirrel ?!?!”

Why did the Israelis send falafel into Gaza?
Because it goes well with Hamas.

A group of people plan a party, they invite a Palestinian friend of theirs.
“Wanna come to the evening party tomorrow?”
“Na. I’m too occupied!”

What do you call exotic dancers in a politically unstable region in the Middle East?
Gaza Strippers.

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
“This is my oldest son. He’s a martyr. This here is my second son. He’s also a martyr!”
The second Arab nods, “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

What does a p*rn star’s pussy and the Gaza strip have in common?
They’re both areas that have been so brutally pummeled that no child could ever crawl out alive.

What do aerial shots and Palestinian children have in common
They’re both shot by drone.

Israel or Palestine who do you stand for?
“I’m on wheelchair!”

Do you have a funny Palestine joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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