Lord of the Rings is a tale that has captivated audiences for decades. This is more than just an epic story of hobbits, wizards, and rings with way too much responsibility. It’s a sprawling adventure across Middle-earth, where Elves are almost as pretty as their hair and Dwarves prove that height isn’t a measure of bravery. Imagine a world where losing a piece of jewelry could literally mean the end of the world – oh, and let’s not forget, trees talk and walk here!
This magical universe, created by J.R.R. Tolkien, isn’t just about battles and quests; it’s a treasure trove of characters and moments so unique, they’re practically begging for a bit of humorous poking. And that’s where Lord of the Rings jokes come into play.
This blog on LOTR jokes is like stepping into the Shire – unexpectedly delightful and full of surprises. You’ve got characters like Gandalf, who’s essentially a wizard with a fireworks addiction, and Gollum, a creature so obsessed with a ring that he makes your clingy ex look well-adjusted. These jokes aren’t just fun; they’re a passport to a lighter side of Middle-earth, where the biggest worry is not an all-seeing evil eye, but whether Legolas got his hair done at an Elvish salon. So, buckle up your hobbit-sized belts, and let’s embark on a journey of laughter, where the only thing heavy is Gimli’s axe and maybe the occasional punchline.
Funny LOTR Jokes
What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte.
Why LOTR is a metaphor for life?
Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane!
Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, and Gandalf walk into a bar
Gimli and the Hobbits are short enough to walk under it.
Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, we missed the whole trilogy of LOTR.
Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring.
How do hobbits make sure their clothes dry quickly?
One rule: to wring them all
Why did Gimli have to be a part of the Fellowship?
He was the Tolkien minority.
How does Shagrat get his shopping home?
In a Gorbag.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Nazgul.
(Nazgul who?)
Nazguls don’t but I do.
J.R.R. Tolkien and Angela Lansbury have paired up for a middle-earth murder mystery…
Mordor She Wrote.
Recommended: Best LOTR Puns
Why can’t Treebeard swim very quickly?
He’s just not a fish ent.
Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
If Frodo was the President of the Fellowship, what position would Gandalf have?
Chief of Staff.
What do you call a reference to the Eye of Sauron?
An optical allusion.
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther.
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
That makes them the Tolkien white guys.
If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?
It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.
What do you call introverted hobbits?
Shyer folk.
The elf in the Fellowship of the Ring must not have had that great of a childhood.
Since there’s no plastic in Middle Earth, he was lego-less.
Why didn’t Saddam Hussein watch Return of the King?
He was living under Iraq.
What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?
The I seeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuu (ICU).
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Hobbit.
(Hobbit who?)
Hobbit letting me in?!
What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?
More doors.
Did you hear that the copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded?
They’re Non-Fungible Tolkiens.
Why did Sauron buy Hot Topic?
Because he wanted to be Morgoth.
Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.
“Why would you ever do such a thing!” He exclaimed.
“Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven’t been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crystal,” said Frodo.
“That’s it!”, said Gandalf. “I’m opening up a rehabilitation center. When I come back in a year, this had better be cleaned up!”
A year passes and Gandalf returns. Alas, the hobbits are strewn about with their spoons and needles.
Gandalf scoffs, “Breaking Bad Hobbits is going to be harder than I thought.”
What do you call a man who has been married and divorced multiple times?
Lord of the Rings.
How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?
Elvish Parsley.
Employee: Gandalf once said ‘A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.’
Boss: You’re still fired!
How did Eowyn show that gosh darn Witch King who she was?
She got rid of that dern helm!
Boromir: Knock knock.
Faramir: Who’s there?
Boromir: That’s.
Faramir: That’s who?
Boromir: That’s love.
Faramir: I don’t get it.
Boromir: Damn right you don’t, lmfao!
What is Sauron’s favorite soda?
Mountain Doom.
Orlando Bloom was only paid $175,000 (USD) for his role as Legolas in the LOTR trilogy.
One might say he was definitely not an Elf-made millionaire.
Billy Joel is not responsible for mapping the Hobbit homeland.
He Didn’t Chart The Shire
Who created Scientology in the Middle-Earth?
Elrond Hubbard.
What do you call an Orc on a bike?
A Mordorcyclist.
Samwise is preparing for his wedding.
He gathers his fellow hobbits around and then turns to Pippin.
“Pippin, I want you to be my best man.”
Pippin is overjoyed, but before he can celebrate, there’s a sound of someone crying, he turns and sees Frodo standing there with teary eyes.
“But Sam, what about me?” Frodo sobs.
Sam chuckles and says “Don’t be silly, Mister Frodo, you’re the ring bearer!”
How do you cross a troll bridge in Middle Earth?
You use J.R.R. tokens.
In LOTR, you always have to make reservations at the restaurant.
Because one does not simply walk in.
What do you call Frodo Baggins with one leg?
Hoppit.
What did Gandalf say to Elrond as he watched him make a basket?
“There Hugo Weaving again.”
Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?
More doors.
What do you call a hobbit from the Basque Country?
Bilbao.
What time did Tolkien finish Lord of the Rings?
At elven o’clock.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
One Ring.
(One Ring who?)
Wondering when you’re gonna open the door and let me in, it’s cold out here!
What did Gimli say to Legolas when the Uruk-hai marched on Helm’s Deep?
“That’s a LOTR orcs!”
What is Saturn’s favorite movie?
Lord of the Rings.
What do you get when Gandalf and Bilbo are your network engineers?
A Tolkien Ring Network.
A man was watching Lord of the Rings with his girlfriend.
When he asked her, “Are you Team Arwen or Team Eowyn?”
“Team Arwen, you?”
“Not sure, but either way, it’s a wyn-wen situation for Aragorn.”
What’s the difference between lord of the Ring and brokeback mountain?
The color of the ring that gets destroyed.
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre?
He was Tolkien all the way through.
“Aw man, who’s going to agree to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movies?”
“Elijah Would.”
What kind of company did Sauron start?
Brick & Mordor.
Why didn’t they fly the eagles to Mordor?
Because they were too busy making a new album.
What do you get when you mix Frodo, Bilbo, and a cyborg police officer?
Frobo Cop.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Frodo.
(Frodo who?)
I’m afraid of what might happen if you never open that door!
What would Gandalf have said if The Lord of the Rings played in a supermarket instead of Middle-Earth?
One ring to rule the mall.
Did you know that they are creating a version of The Lord of the Rings for young children?
Apparently, they are changing Legolas’ name to ‘Duplolas’ in this version..
Why didn’t they make Lord Of The Rings in Mexico?
Because Juan does not simply walk into Mordor.
Frodo and Sam were sitting outside, observing an insect.
Neither of them were quite sure what kind of insect it was. “Is it a mosquito?” said Frodo, to which Sam replied, “No Mister Frodo, I think it’s some kind of bee?” They then saw Gandalf walking by, and they asked him whether he possibly knew what kind of insect it was.
He looked at the insect for only a moment, before replying, “Fly, you fools.”
The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesn’t take quarters.
Only Tolkiens
Would you accept the offer to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings trilogy?
Because Elijah Wood.
Did you hear about the new Lord of the Rings spin-off?
It’s about a newborn Frodo and you can hear everything he’s thinking. It’s called Look Who’s Tolkien Now.
There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long-lost hipster cousin.
Douche Baggins.
For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.
This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.
What is a woodchipper called in Lord of the Rings?
An Ent-eater.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Mithril.
(Mithril who?)
It would give me a thrill if you opened up the door and let me in!
What do the Elves call their friends living by the sea?
Watermellons.
Galadriel: This is Nenya, the Ring of Adamant, and I am its keeper.
Frodo: What does it do?
Galadriel: Nenya business!
Which LotR character loves to lend himself to others?
Boro-mir.
Where do Orcs go to school?
Uruk-Hai.
Why does Boromir never have to poo?
The dead do not suffer the living need to pass.
Girlfriend: You have a LOTR quote for everything, don’t you?
Boyfriend: Well no…and yes.
At a hospital, the mother is holding a new born child.
Mother: You have my eyes.
Father: And my smile.
Aragorn: you have my sword.
Legolas: And you have my bow.
Gimli: And my axe.
Nurse: Can we get security in here please, they are back again!
What do you call a wizard from Uganda?
A uGandalf.
Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes?
He couldn’t stand being around such filthy habitses.
Pippen: Treebeard, you’re covered in moss, do you like it?
Treebeard: Well, it kind of grows on you.
Why can’t you enter Sauron’s lair?
Because there’s always one Mordor.
What’s Frodo short for?
He’s a hobbit.
Why do elves wear white?
Because they come from the undy(e)ing lands.
A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls. One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: “Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow.” she said while winking at him.
“Yes, I guess I did.” came his reply.
“Who are you?” she asked. “Cupid throwing love arrows?”
“No, I’m Legolas killing orcs!”
If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it.
Because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Recommended: Adult LOTR Jokes
Why did Boromir use a longbow?
Because they took the little ones.
What’s it called when you try to appear PC by conspicuously including little people in your company’s ad material?
Tolkienism.
Why didn’t Rivendell help Gondor?
Elfish reasons.
What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into the wizard?
“Saruman, I didn’t see you there!”
Who is Treebeard’s favorite musician?
John Entwistle.
Do you have a funny joke about Lord of the Rings? Write down the puns in the comment section below!
