Running a marathon sounds brave until you’re actually doing it and questioning all your life choices by kilometer three. It starts with energy, smiles, and fancy shoes, and ends with tired legs, salty faces, and a deep bond with random strangers handing out bananas. This is the world where Marathon Jokes are born, where every mile brings a new reason to laugh, cry, or both at the same time.
The great thing about marathons is that they stretch your muscles and your sense of humor. Marathon jokes come from these wild races, where even the guy crawling at the back has something hilarious to say.
Best Marathon Jokes
Why should you never donate money to anyone collecting for a marathon?
They just take the money and run.
Is it wrong to hate a specific race?
Because I really hate marathons.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Beak.
(Beak who?)
No, not yet—but I’ll make it to Boston one of these years.
What’s the difference between empty grocery shelves and the winner of the marathon?
One ran out while the other outran.
A charity worker stopped Dave in the street and asked if he fancied taking part in a marathon. He was about to say no, until the guy mentioned it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.
Dave paused, raised an eyebrow, and thought, “Blimey, I might actually win this.”
Ty ran the Beijing marathon five years ago and came in first, but he still hasn’t been given a gold medal.
To this day, China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.
“Officer, you can’t give me a ticket. I have to go run the marathon tomorrow.”
Cop: “That’s not how you play the race card.”
Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon.
They’ll take the money and run.
Just ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden.
Realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
What did the coach say after watching his runner complete a mile at marathon pace?
“I’m sorry—could you repeat that?”
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.
If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window.
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air.
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” he answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only if it’s raining.”
I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow…
I rest, load up on carbs, and don’t run.
What is your least favourite race?
Mine is the marathon… too many Kenyans.
Yo mama so fat, I accidentally ran a marathon while trying to pass her on the street.
What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?
Russian to Finnish.
I recently ran a ½ marathon.
Sounds better than I quit ½ way.
A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll it be, fellas?”
All three of them reply, “Just water. We have a marathon tomorrow.”
I guess my nose is training for a marathon.
It’s been running since morning..
Doc 1 bragged, “I had a patient once who blew out his ACL and MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and two years later, he completed the Boston Marathon.”
Doc 2 replied, “That’s nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon.”
Doc 3 chuckled condescendingly, “Child’s play. I had a patient who was in a horrible explosion. He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping anus. I put a suit and tie on it, and now he’s the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!”
What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose?
Their breath.
Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon?
He says he reckons he’ll be able to finish in less than 26 miles
My favorite part of a marathon is watching…
The reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Yo mama so lazy, she took a nap during a marathon!
Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?
Because he had the power of a torn knee.
I don’t want any other races in my neighborhood.
There’s already a marathon in July, and it makes getting home a nightmare.
Did you hear about the oompah loompah marathon?
Contestants are running short.
What did the host serve his guests for The Simpsons marathon night?
Disco Stew!
Paul McCartney was disqualified from the London Marathon.
Banned on the Run.
Why are librarians the fastest runners in a marathon?
When told to run, they just book it!
What would you feel if you ran and won a marathon?
The thrill of victory.
And the agony of de feet.
Reason why you should take up marathon training.
It will help you in the long run.
What’s a good name for a questionable Marathon in Louisiana?
“Let Me Run This Bayou”.
Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.
What do you call a pun in a marathon?
A running joke.
Why did the marathon runner end up in jail?
For resisting a rest.
What were Pheidippides’ (the marathon soldier) last words?
“My feet are killing me!”
What is the most challenging obstacle to overcome in a marathon?
3rst.
When is the best time to run a marathon?
During Lent. That’s when you fast.
Did you hear about the man that won the marathon?
He was Russian.
What happens when a computer programmer does a marathon?
Runtime Error.
I competed in a marathon in the Middle East once…
That’s right, Iran.
A marathon runner walks into a bar, and the barman says…
…” Why the long race?”
How did glue win the marathon?
He paste himself.
There’s a sitcom about marathons.
Lots of running gags.
A clock started training for a marathon.
Now everyone’s mad it runs fast.
Recommended: Olympics Jokes
Why did the zombie win the marathon?
Because he was deadicated.
Did you hear about the woman who ran a marathon while in labor?
It was her crowning achievement.
Why don’t bicycles run marathons?
They’re two tired.
What do you call a marathon for pastors?
A rev.run.
Why did Rick Astley lose the marathon?
He just gave up.
What is the lightest sin a Muslim can commit?
Spelling marathon backwards. It’s almost not haram.
I don’t win Marathons because I’m lucky.
I win because I’m driven.
I finally crossed running a marathon off my bucket list.
No chance I was ever going to do it, glad it’s gone.
What’s the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists?
The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
Recommended: Kentucky Derby Jokes
I’m going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.
I’m not sure which race yet.
How do you know if your friend has done a marathon?
Don’t worry, he’ll tell you.
Did you hear about the Мexican guy who ran that marathon?
He juan.
Why are snowmen so bad at marathons?
They just can’t warm up!
Did you hear about the marathon runner who was afraid of speed bumps on the road?
He’s slowly getting over it!
Seriously, do not mess with a marathoner.
They run the streets.
Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?
He only had two feet!
Why did the cannibal go to the marathon?
He wanted some fast food.
What’s more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race?
Josh Duggar at a family reunion.
I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another as an egg.
I thought: Now, this could be interesting.
How is the winner of the stupid marathon chosen?
Ran Dumbly.
Recommended: Racing Jokes
How can you tell if a bird has flown a marathon?
Because it’s a puffin.
Why don’t Germans compete in marathons?
They have a sad history of not finishing off races.
Why are priests bad at marathons?
Because they always come in a little behind.
Did you hear about the nudist who competed in the Marathon?
He had a winning streak.
Just watched a bunch of cross dressers run a marathon.
It was quite the drag race.
Do you have a funny Marathon Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
