Funny Olympics Jokes Straight from Paris 2024

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Jessica Amlee

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The Olympics in Paris 2024 promises a unique blend of sports and comedy, where athletic feats meet unexpected meme fame, all under the watchful eyes of the Eiffel Tower. It’s where global athletes vie not just for gold, but for a spot in the viral hall of fame, offering a spectacle of triumphs and humorous mishaps. As we gear up for this event, let’s not forget the real competition: dodging online spoilers, a sport in its own right for fans worldwide. The Olympics are more than a test of strength; they’re a celebration of the lighter moments that bring us together, with plenty of laughter to go around.

Diving further into the humor, the Summer Games serve as a perfect setup for comedy, with every misstep and odd mascot choice providing material for endless Olympic jokes. From athletes accidentally syncing to the wrong beat to mascots questioning their life decisions in a plush suit, these moments offer a comedic side to the intense competition. As Paris 2024 approaches, let’s prepare for a blend of athleticism and laughter, proving that the Olympics are not just about the medals, but also the shared joy and giggles they bring.

Best Olympics Jokes

Did you hear about the athlete who sadly announced that after trying out, he will not be competing in the Paris Olympics this summer?
He said, “Eiffel over too many times.”

Aren’t you excited that Breakdancing will be part of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games?
“I’m head over heels!”

An Olympic runner adopted 3 kids named Seth, Mark, and Onya.
One day there was a fire and he shouted, “ONYA, MARK, GET SETH AND GO.”

Did you know that mining was one of the original Olympic games?
It got cut because it’s a boring sport.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olympic who?
O-limp-ic over the fence to get a better view of the games!

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Paris Olympics?
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

At the Olympic Village, a spectator saw an athletic guy carrying a long stick and asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
He looked surprised and said, “No, I am a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”

Yo mama so fat, the International Olympic committee (IOC) has voted unanimously to make running around her an Olympic event.

If laziness was an Olympic sport.
You’d come in fourth so you wouldn’t have to walk up to the podium.

Why does Africa never win the Olympics?
Because it’s a continent, dumb*ss.

What do athletes do with a camera?
Take Olympics.

Did you hear that the Somalian Olympic team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee?
They realized that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!

Recommended: Funny Special Olympics Jokes

Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport?
Cause you can only get bronze.

After Nigeria was unable to win any Gold medals in the Paris Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans who traveled to France.
He said he just needed their bank details and PINs to complete the transaction.

Did you see that gymnast from North Korea in the Olympics?
She didn’t win gold but her execution was flawless.

In the Olympics, we should allow the athletes to take as many drugs as possible.
Most want to see how high they can jump!

What’s in the middle of the Olympic sprinter’s hyphenated last name?
A 100-meter dash.

China won bronze in gymnastics at the Sydney 2000 Olympics but was stripped of the medal after it was revealed that Dong Fangxiao was under the minimum age of 16
And they would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those medalling kids.

Olympic Results for Sailing are out:
The British have taken the Gold medal.
The French have taken the Silver medal.
The Somalians have taken the boats.

Which Olympic sport generates the most conversation?

Why will the athletes sweat a lot less at the 2024 Olympics than at the last one?
There are a lot of fans.

Why is Judas afraid of coming second in the Olympics?
The last time he got silver, one of his friends ended up being really cross.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman trying to get into the Olympics with no tickets.
The Englishman found a large wooden pole lying on the ground near him. He picked it up, put it under his arm, walked in the gate, and said, “Bentley, England, pole vaulting,” and they let him in.
The Scotsman picked up a manhole cover, put it under his arm, walked in the gate, and said “McGregor, Scotland, discus,” and they let him in.
The Irish man picked up a roll of barbed wire, put it under his arm, walked in the gate, and said, “Murphy, Ireland, fencing.”

What is the most tragic Olympic story of All?
A gymnast walks into a bar.

If procrastination was an Olympic sport,
You will surely participate in the next one.

Why there were Olympic games in Finland only once?
Because sportsmen from other countries didn’t get finish.

After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, “When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!”
She says, “Honey, you can’t have it both ways.”

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”
“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver, and Bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily. “Gold of course”, says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, “Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”

How can you tell which Russian Olympic spectators are KGB agents?
The ones with food.

What did the people with bad breath play at the Paris Olympics?

2024 Olympic high jump results:
Gold – Mexico
Silver – Mexico
Bronze – Mexico

Yo mama so tall, when she ran in the Olympics she just had to take one step to cross the finish line.

Why was Aladdin disqualified from the Paris Olympics?
He was on performance-enhancing rugs.

Did you see the ROC figure skating routine in the Paris Olympics?
It was dope.

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they wish they never said:
Weightlifting commentator: This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.
Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.
Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.
At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.
Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.
Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.

Did you hear about the blonde that won the gold medal in the Paris Olympics?
She was so proud she had it bronzed.

What kind of phone does an Olympic Gymnast use?
A flip phone!

An animal illegally entered to compete in the Olympics track and field races.
He won all races by a very big margin but was stripped of all his medals.
Cause he was a Cheetah! He should not have been in the human Olympics anyway!

What do Olympic runners eat before running?
Nothing cause they fast.

Did you hear about the cheese who lost at the Olympics?
It fell over on the final curdle.

A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”
So she consented and they were married, and they went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board, and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by three rotations in the jack-knife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, “That was incredible.”
He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the ripples from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool. After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
“No,” she said, “I was a prostitute in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”

A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Paris Olympics.
The police are still searching for him.

Yo mama so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.

The Infectious Disease Olympics has been canceled as the first event was a complete disaster. All contestants drowned.
Turns out Water Polio wasn’t such a good idea.

Did you hear about the stoner who entered the Paris Olympics?
He came first in high jump.

What’s the best Olympic sport?
Diving, hands down.

Did you hear about the Olympic hurdler who became a dog breeder?
She had a great pair o’ knees.

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the final match, the Irish wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished.”
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”
The trainer exclaimed, “Oh, so that’s what finished him off?!!”
“Not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls.”

What would happen if a Jedi had to complete an Olympic Marathon?
You get Luke Skyrunner.

Michael Phelps, the legendary Olympic swimmer, once owned a school that taught people to swim the backstroke.
Unfortunately, the school went belly up. It couldn’t stay afloat.

Yo mama so ugly, if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team.

Why doesn’t Mexico have any star Olympic athletes?
Because any Mexican that can swim swiftly, run fast, or jump high doesn’t live there anymore!

According to state media, one of the Chinese Olympic torchbearers is part Uighur.
Some believe they gave him a spleen or a kidney.

What do Olympic skaters take to improve their skills?

In 1960, after winning his Olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown restaurant.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the restaurant, the waiter announced, “We don’t serve Negr*es”. Ali said, “Well I don’t eat them either, just give me my d*mn cheeseburger.”

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.

There are a lot of practices in China that raise red flags.
Like winning a gold medal in the Olympics and singing the national anthem.

Did you know the 1936 Berlin Olympics had the 100m sprint as the only running event?
Hitler only wanted one race in Berlin.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific.
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

What do a priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common?
They both came in a little behind.

Do you have a funny joke about the Olympics? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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