Rum is the OG pirate drink, more than just booze—it’s like a symbol of wild adventures and rebellion. It started in the Caribbean, made from sugarcane leftovers, and gets its epic flavor from chilling in oak barrels. Back in the day, rum was the liquid courage for many pirate antics on the high seas. With a history full of mutinies, treasure hunts, and drunken fun, it’s no surprise it’s the star of so many Rum Jokes.
Now, Rum Jokes are the kind of humor that can make even the grumpiest sailor laugh. These jokes poke fun at rum culture, from tipsy pirates to the wild effects of this strong drink. Imagine Captain Jack Sparrow, after one too many sips, trying to steer his ship but ends up chatting with a sassy parrot instead. Rum Jokes capture that vibe, mixing nautical nonsense with the hilariousness of a good, drink-fueled blunder. So, next time you sip on some rum, remember, it’s not just a drink—it’s the setup for endless laughs.
Best Rum Jokes
A Harley Davidson rolls into a bar and the bartender asks what it’d like.
“RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM RUM!”
Roses are red, rum is good,
Too much rum, now no wood.
What would a Japanese pirate say if you gifted him a bottle of rum?
“Arrrrrrrrigatou.”
Knock, knock!
(Who’s there?)
Philip.
(Philip who?)
Philip up my cup I’m thirsty!
A cat walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The cat says, “A shot of rum.” The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table. “Another.”
Yo mama so dumb, she brought a life jacket to the rum bar because she heard there were “rum shots.”
Derrick rode to the liquor store yesterday on his bicycle.
He bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket. As he was about to leave he thought for a moment. “If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.” To avoid that, he drank all of the rum before he left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision because he fell off the bike seven times on his way home.
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Have you ever swapped a Sarcophagus for a bottle of Bacardi?
Well, they certainly will give you a rum for your mummy.
A wife finds her husband sipping some rum on the patio, he says, “I love you so much, I have no idea what I would do without you”. The wife asks, “Is that you talking, or the rum?”
He replied, “That’s me, talking to the rum.”
What’s wine, women, and song to a sailor?
Rum, bum and mouth organ.
Man orders a drink from the bar.
The man says, “Rum & Coke please!”
The Bartender asks, “Rum and coke? Um, Is Pepsi OK?”
The man replies, “Yeah, Pepsi is fine.”
The Bartender says, “Great, one Pepsi & Coke comin’ right up.”
Why do pirates like rum so much?
Because it starts with an Arrr.
Whiskey and rum so are no longer allowed on Uber rides.
You can only Lyft your spirits.
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A bear walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you?” The bear says, “A rum……………………………………………………….. and coke.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”
The bear says, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Why does a pirate prefer to drink in a bar that serves rum, instead of gin?
Because it has mo’lasses.
A large group walks into a bar.
The first guy orders a shot of rum and asks the bartender to open a tab for him. The next person also asks for a shot of rum and asks the bartender to open a tab for her. The third person does the same. After the twentieth person in the row does the same thing, the bartender screams angrily, storms out of the bar, gets into his car, and immediately gets into an accident. A member of the group, confused, asks his friend what had just happened.
He responds, “Well we had too many tabs open, and he ran out of rum, so he tried to force quit and ended up crashing.”
What’s your favorite drink to have during Christmas time?
The Little Drummer Boy. It’s 1 part rum, 3 parts pum.
What does a pirate order in a Vietnamese bar?
Pho Hoe Hoe and a bottle of rum.
An alcoholic walks into a bar.
“What do you guys have?” Asks the alcoholic.
“Well, we’ve got Brandy, Whiskey, Rum, Vodka… Any preference?” Answers the bartender.
“Yes, alphabetical order, please!”
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Why does Captain Morgan always have his foot on a barrel of rum?
Because he can barrely stand.
One Sunday, in a church, the preacher said aloud, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And the congregation shouted, “Amen!”
“And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river.”
And the congregation shouted, “Amen!”
“And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river.”
Again the congregation shouted, “Amen!”
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up & said: “For our closing hymn, let’s turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, “We shall drink from that river.”
The congregation shouted, “HALLELUJAH!!!”
What does Santa say when he visits good pirates?
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!
What does a pirate motorcycle sound like?
Ruuuuuum rum rum ruuuuuuuuuuuum.
Jack Sparrow was talking to Forrest Gump.
Jack asked, “Do you know what a pirate’s favorite drink is?”
Forrest thinks for a second, and says, “Hi-C?”
Jack shakes his head.
Forrest thinks again and says, “Oh, I know. It’s Arrrr-Sea Cola.”
Jack shakes his head again and says, “Rum, Forrest. Rum”.
How much rum does it take to make a pirate drunk?
A Galleon.
What’s the Lone Ranger’s favorite flavor of candy?
butter rum butter rum butter rum rum rum.
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The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a “little” stowed-away rum.
Unfortunately, he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship’s log: “The first mate was drunk today.”
“Captain please don’t let that stay in the log,” the mate said. “This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself.”
“Is it true?” asked the captain, already knowing the answer.
“Yes, it is true,” the mate said. “Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That’s the rule. If it’s true it goes into the log, end of discussion,” said the captain sternly. Weeks later, it was the first mate’s turn to make the log entries.
The first mate wrote: “The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today.”
Pirates are all rum and laughter until…
You start kraken jokes.
Why didn’t anybody tell the wine their secrets?
Because he always spread rum-ours.
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A nun walks into a liquor store and asks for a bottle of rum. “But I thought the nuns in your covent are sworn to sobriety,” says the man behind the till. “We are, but the Mother Superior is constipated and when applied correctly rum serves as a good laxative,” says the nun and walks away with the bottle.
Later that day the man walks home and decides to cut it through the park. There he sees the very same nun from earlier, piss drunk, sitting on a bench, singing obscene songs out of the top of her lungs. “I thought you said the rum was a laxative for Mother Superior!” “It is, it is… She’s gonna crap herself when she sees me like this!”
What do you call the combination of rum and whiskey?
Risky.
Do you have a funny joke on National Rum Day? Write down the puns in the comment section below!
