Science is that know-it-all friend who still surprises you. It explains why the sky is blue, how gravity keeps you grounded, and why microwaving metal is a bad idea. But just when it seems all serious, Science Jokes come along to prove that even physics has a funny side.
Science jokes turn complex ideas into comedy. They make chemistry goofy, biology silly, and math… well, still math, but with a punchline. Whether it’s about protons with good vibes or scientists losing their cool, these jokes show that science isn’t just smart (it’s hilarious too).
Best Science Jokes
Science builds planes and skyscrapers.
But faith brings them together.
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, “Give me your wallet or you’re science!”
The man says, “Don’t you mean history?”
The mugger yells, “Don’t try to change the subject!”
Did you know you can find the gender of an ant by putting it in water?
If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
What’s the most unknown branch of science?
Chemystery.
A guy named Bob dies and goes to hell.
Before him stands the Devil.
“Hello, Bob. Welcome to Hell,” the Devil says. “Now there are seven levels of hell, and since your only sin was cheating on a science test in third grade, you’ll be moved to level 1.”
“Okay, that doesn’t sound so bad”, says Bob.
“Level 1 is the hottest level because heat rises. You would know that if you studied for your science test, Bob”.
When I die I’m going to donate my body to science.
That’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.
What do you call a dragon without its silver?
Dr_ _on
Ivan Pavlov is sitting in a bar.
The phone behind the bar starts ringing. Pavlov shoots up out of his chair and shouts, “Oh, sh*t! I forgot to feed the dog!”
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”
“For you, sir, no charge!”
Two tectonic plates bumped into each other.
One said, “Oops, my fault!”
Recommended: Physics Jokes
What’s 2 times 2?
Physicist: “After some measurements, I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration, I can now prove that the solution exists!”
Engineer: “4, obviously, but let’s make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”
Do you know, they say porcupines are one of the smartest animals on Earth?
Yeah, science has proven that they’re pretty sharp.
Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn’t believe in science.
Her name is Dee.
What science is used to calculate bubbles in soda?
Fizz-ics.
One day, Albert Einstein was on his way to a science convention for a speech.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees, “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes, and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :
“Sir, your question is so easy that I’m going to let my driver explain it to you.”
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
Einstein is on a train leaving New York.
He leans over to another passenger and asks, “Excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?”
Einstein and his wife were going through a rough time:
Einstein: “What can I do, I’ll do anything.”
Wife: “I just need two things right now, space and time.”
Einstein: “And the second?”
Why did no one say a word when the king farted?
Because noble gases don’t cause reactions.
Recommended: Adult Science Jokes
What did the Science book say to the Math book?
“Nothing. Books do not talk.”
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly, this proves that I’m the smartest.”
The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing,” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test that she took, and the score shows that she got them all right. “It took me two months to do this, and I got them all right on the first try!!”
“Oh yo,u make me laugh,” the science teacher says. He then pulls out a robot that he built, which can do laundry, walk the dog, and shoot lasers out of its eyes. “Took me three months to build this beauty, watch and weep…”
Then the gym teacher comes, laughing at all three of them. “You’re all idiots,” He says. “Clearly, I’m the smartest of you guys.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” The science teacher says.
“Because I didn’t have to do any of that, and I still get paid the same as you!”
Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog?
They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
What do you call root beer in a square glass?
Beer.
Yo mama so fat when she walks in front of the TV, you can still watch due to gravitational lensing.
Did you hear about the new research lab that’s crossbreeding rodents and fish?
Modern science is pretty fin-on-a-mole.
Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.
“I don’t know,” says the first logician.
“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.
Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”
How often do we make horrible Science jokes?
Only periodically.
What does the sub-atomic duck say?
“Quark!”
Atom 1: “I think I lost one of my electrons somewhere.”
Atom 2: “Are you sure?”
Atom 1: ”Yes, I’m positive!”
A neutrino walks through a bar.
A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you need help with your luggage?” the clerk asks.
“No thanks, I’m travelling light.”
A mathematician walks into a bar. “I’ll have a pint, and then half a pint, and then a quarter of a pint, and then an eighth of a pint-”
The bartender, who is also a mathematician, interrupts him, “Two pints, coming right up!”
Why didn’t Newton invent group theory?
Because he wasn’t Abel.
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland, they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.
“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently, the sheep in Scotland are black.”
“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”
“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”
There are two types of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?
Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.
Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?
They always ended up with X equals 10.
“I never get any good data. Sometimes I think the particle accelerator hates me.”
“Never anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.”
Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “HEY! We don’t serve your kind here.”
The bacteria look at him and say, “Oh, don’t worry, we’re Staph.”
What did the kitten build for their science project?
A catapult!
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry.
How can you spot a chemist in the men’s room?
He’s the one who washed his hands first.
Heisenberg, Schrödinger, and Ohm are driving together in a car. A cop pulls them over.
“Do you know how fast you were going back there?” the cop asks.
“No, but I know exactly where we are,” replies Heisenberg.
“I clocked you going 85 mph,” says the cop.
Heisenberg bangs the steering wheel. “Now we’re lost!”
The cop gets suspicious. He searches the car. “Hey, do you know there’s a dead cat in the trunk?”
“We do now, you jerk!” exclaims Schroedinger.
The cop decides to arrest the men. Ohm resists.
What’ll you have? Asks the barman.
A tachyon walks into a bar.
Alligators can live up to 50 years, according to science.
This significantly increases the chance that they will see you later.
There are 6.02 × 10²³ guacas in a guacamole, which is also known as avocado’s number.
You heard the one about that guy in a soundproof room?
No? Me neither.
Three statisticians are out duck hunting.
When they see one flying nearby, the first statistician shoots, but it’s too far to the left. The second statistician shoots, but it’s too far to the right.
The third statistician shouts, “We got it!”
Why should you name your son ‘Science’?
So that he can win every argument with: “Well, science says that…”
Scientists have discovered a method to determine the weight of rainbows.
Apparently they’re pretty light.
It’s during the time of the French Revolution, and the people are taking the last royalists to the guillotine.
First up, the Royal Bishop. They lead him to the guillotine, and he says, “I’d like to lie on my back, please, and greet my God face to face.” The executioner permits it. The blade comes down, but at the last minute, stops with a clunk. The people exclaim, “It’s a miracle! Let him go.”
Next up is the Royal Astrologer. He believes that if it worked for the Bishop it will work for him, and also asks to be executed face up. Again, it stops with a clunk. Again he is let go.
Finally, the Royal Engineer’s turn; he naturally lies on his back. He looks up at the guillotine and says, “I think I see your problem.”
A physicist goes to the top of the Empire State Building and sees a man about to leap to his death.
He runs up to him and says, “Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”
Science proves ants cannot get sick.
They have a lot of anty-bodies.
A mathematician, a physicist, and a biologist are sitting outside eating lunch.
While watching a house, the three see two people enter the house.
Some time later, three people exit the house.
The physicist says, “Simple, due to Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, a third person was spontaneously created.”
The biologist says, “You’re all wrong. The two procreated and had a third person.”
The two looked over at the mathematician who, after some thought, said, “Well, one thing is certain. If one person goes into that house, it will be empty.”
My wife just told me she didn’t understand the science behind cloning.
I replied, “That makes two of us.”
Did you hear that the science teacher got fired?
He was dropping acid on the job.
A student thinks it will be fun and interesting to take a class in ornithology to meet his science requirement.
Well, it’s not. There are mountains of homework, and he finds himself studying for hours every week trying to prepare for classes. The final exam determines whether he passes the class, so he spends days studying and reviewing material. He arrives at the exam to find a single question: identify 50 birds by their feet alone. Well, in all his studying, he did not study the feet of birds. Completely dejected, he takes the blank exam and places it on the professor’s desk and heads for the doorway when the professor calls, “Wait! There’s no name on this paper. Who are you?”
The student calmly takes off his shoe, sock, waves his foot at the professor and says, “YOU TELL ME!”
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint…
I have to resort to Science Jokes.
Because all the other good ones Argon.
In science class, 3 worms were placed into 3 different jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol —dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke — dead.
The 3rd worm in soil — alive.!!
So the science teacher asked the class, “What can you learn from this experiment?”
A kid quickly raised his hand and said.
“As long as you drink alcohol and smoke, you won’t have worms in your stomach”.
A superconductor walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind around here.” So the superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
According to Science,
Alcohol is a solution.
Scientist uses a dog in science experiments.
It’s a lab assistant.
A friend asked me, “If you could combine 2 school classes together, what would you combine?”
I responded, “Gym and science, so I could trip balls on acid.”
A student is in a biology lecture when the professor gets to a part he doesn’t understand. The student asks, “I don’t understand, why does this happen?” The professor answers, “You’re not supposed to understand, it’s chemistry.”
So the student later takes a chemistry lecture, and the professor gets to a part he doesn’t understand. The student asks, “I don’t understand, why does this happen?” The professor answers, “You’re not supposed to understand, it’s quantum mechanics.”
So the student later takes a quantum mechanics course, and the professor gets to a part he doesn’t understand. The student asks, “I don’t understand, why does this happen?” The professor answers, “You’re not supposed to understand, it’s quantum mechanics.”
Science puns make me numb.
But math puns make me number.
What’s a bee’s favorite Broadway Musical?
Phantom of the hymenoptera.
What did the chemist use to make guacamole?
Avogadros.
A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back, and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his University of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “how many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have?” In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach, and is lost in thought when he trips over a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface, a genie suddenly appears! The genie thunders, “I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire?” The student immediately replies, “I wish I had gotten that question right,” and the universe explodes.
What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?
Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.
Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?
They always ended up with X equals 10.
My kid got a D in science and wasn’t feeling well.
It was a low-grade fever.
A dairy farmer is having problems on his farm, his cows are giving less milk, and he can’t figure out why. In desperation he calls up a friend who is a physicist and asks him if he can help. The physicist spend a few days looking around the farm and taking measurements then goes home to think about the problem.
A few weeks later, he calls the farmer and tells him, “I’ve got a solution, but it’s only valid for a spherical cow in a vacuum”.
If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
You matter.
Until you multiply yourself times the speed of light squared.
Then you energy.
A neutron walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”
Two cats are on a sloped roof, which one falls off first?
The one with the lower mu!
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender, “I’ll have a glass of H2O.” The other one says, “I’ll have H2O, too.”
One of them lived.
I was reading a book on helium.
I couldn’t put it down.
Theoretical physicists do it in their heads.
Do you want to hear a good science joke?
Sodium Bromine Oxygen.
A paramecium and an amoeba are walking down the street.
The amoeba asks, “So, lacking any pseudopodia, how do you manage to get around?
The paramecium replies, “A cilia question I’ve never heard!”
What is a good anagram of Banach-Tarski?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski.
If a mol of moles runs towards a mol of holes, what does the last mole see?
Molasses.
What’s a physicist’s favourite meal?
Fission Chips.
How do microorganisms communicate?
With a cell phone.
A seal is just a neutral sealion, that is, without an ion.
Doctor: “I’m afraid you have type 2 diabetes.”
Statistician: “Oh, good! I was afraid I had diabetes.”
Everyone knows that inside a fire hydrant is H2O.
But outside a fire hydrant? That’s K9P.
A termite walks into a bar, looks around, and asks, “Where is the bar tender?”
A high school student gets his report card and is excited to show it to his parents. It reads:
Chemistry: C
Trigonometry: F
History: F
Literature: F
Band: F
His parents are upset that he failed nearly everything, but ask him why he was so excited to share his report card. He told them, “look! It’s Carbon tetrafluoride!!”
What do you call a joke about of cobalt, radon, and yttibrium?
CoRnY.
What tree does a scientist like?
Chemistry.
Wanna hear a joke about sodium?
Na.
What do you use to locate chicken with hot sauce on it from a submarine?
A peri-peri peri scope!
Heisenberg is out for a country drive in his new Lamborghini.
A police officer stops him and asks, ”Do you know how fast you were going?’
Heisenberg responds,” No, but I know exactly where I am.”
What do you call research that rubs you the wrong way?
Science friction.
What did the physics teacher say to the clumsy student?
“You’ve got potential!”
What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope?
They kaleidoscope.
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMG.
Are you made of Copper and Titanium?
Cause you’re a CuTi.
Do you have a funny Science Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
