80 Funny Tea Jokes to Enjoy With A Cup of Perfect Brew

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Jessica Amlee

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Tea, especially in the UK and other Commonwealth countries, is less of a beverage and more of a cultural cornerstone. It’s the solution to all life’s problems – a bad day at work, a broken heart, or even just a rainy Tuesday – all can be somewhat alleviated with a good cuppa. The British have turned tea-drinking into a national sport, where the kettle is more essential than the TV. And it’s not just about drinking the tea; it’s about the ritual – the brewing, the pouring, and the mandatory biscuit-dunking. It’s a social glue, a conversation starter, and a symbol of hospitality. In these countries, life’s big question isn’t “Why?” but “One lump or two?”. Within this tea-centric culture, the humor naturally brews, giving rise to the delightful world of tea jokes.

Tea jokes are the perfect blend of British wit and universal humor, steeped in a pot of playfulness. They’re like a warm, witty hug in joke form, often revolving around the quirks of tea obsession – like the panic that ensues when the milk runs out or the scandal of using the same teabag twice. These jokes are a celebration of the tea culture, a nod to the fact that while tea might just be leaves and hot water, it’s also so much more. They remind us that sometimes, the smallest things – like a cup of tea – can bring the biggest smiles, especially when shared with a dash of humor.

Best Tea Jokes

Why does the UK like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.

Which kind of tea is hardest for the denialist to swallow?

Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill?
To steep.

A patient says, “Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.”
The doctor replies, “Take the spoon out of your mug.”

Why should you never accept tea offered by the Russian President?
You don´t know what Vladimir Putin.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank his tea before it was cool.

Give a Brit some tea and you’ll make him happy for a day.
Teach him how to grow tea, and he’ll colonize your country.

Why can communists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.

The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves.
Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?

What does Batman put in his tea?
Just ice.

What is the most well behaved drink?
Tea because the others are not tea.

Do you know that the “EA” in TEA is silent?
Because you need to pay to unlock it.

What do the English use to blow up their enemies?
Tea N’ Tea.

Did you hear about the man who paused the film to make a cup of tea?
He has now lost his job at the cinema.

A lady went to a tea shop and ordered a cup of tea, she has a sip, and realizes that it was amazing! She asks the owner of the place, “Wow! Your tea tastes great! Why is it so good?”
The owner replies, “Thanks! It’s my specialtea!”

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What’s the favorite drink of every British serial killer?

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

What’s a dictator’s favorite kind of tea?

Do you know that tea is an evil substance?
It is much more dangerous than beer. A husband discovered this last night. He drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while his wife was just at home drinking tea.
You should have seen how mad and violent she was when he got home. She threw the chair at him and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, he was quiet and peaceful and silently made his way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning.

Why doesn’t Michael Jackson drink coffee?
Because he prefers “Tea-hee!”

What’s the difference between a gamer and a pot of boiling water?
A pot of boiling water doesn’t get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.

Magician: I can make anything disappear.
Tom: (holding cup) Do it to my tea!
Magician: (waves hand) Done!
om: (holding cup) It didn’t work.

What’s the most bitter tea in existence?

Why do British people put milk in their tea?
It’s not clear.

What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a British king?
One is a T-rex, and the other is a tea rex.

Did you hear about the man who wants to open a Star Wars-themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea?
He is going to call it Boba Fetish.

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What is a footballer’s favorite drink?

The whole family is having breakfast together.
The young grandson looks over at his 18-year-old newlywed wife and asks her, “Will you pass the honey, honey?” She giggles and passes the honey.
His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, “Will you pass the sugar, sugar?” She laughs, “Your still a charmer,” and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years, and asks, “Will you pass the tea… bag?”

What does a British real estate agent care most about?

Did you hear about the Native American who died after drinking 100 cups of tea?
He died in his tea pee.

What do you call thunder and lightning in a tea cup?
A storm brewing.

What’s a civil engineer’s favorite type of tea?
Structural integri-tea.

What is Karen’s favorite type of tea?

Why were the British salty about losing America?
They got tea-bagged.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room-temperature sweet tea.
When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
“Ow!” yells the man. “I asked for this to be room temperature!”
“It is, sir,” says the waiter. “The kitchen is on fire.”

What did the compassionate barista offer to their sad customer?
A cup of “pity” to lift their spirits!

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea.

How does a Jewish person make tea?
Hebrews it.

What is the Spice of life?

Why is it considered gross to drink a beverage made of steeped soil?
Because that’s just dirt tea.

What did the native do after he spilled his tea?
He became naive.

Two neighbors, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor has a magic lamp. Every morning, he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and says, “Ask what you want”, and the poor ask for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbor, envious of the magic lamp, said to the poor, “I’ll give you my car and my house in exchange for the lamp.” The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and says, “Ask what you want?” He asked for a very big house and a better car.
The genie interrupted by saying, “Sorry sir, I only serve tea and coffee.”

What do you call a cheeky text message sent during a coffee break?
A “flir-tea” afternoon chat!

What kind of tea you can not have in space?

How do you turn a T into a P?
Drink it.

What do you call a teapot that have no tea in it?

What happened when Steve Miller drank a cup of herbal tea in his time machine?
Thyme kept on sipping…sipping..sipping..into the future..!

Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary, dude?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?” asks the bartender.
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”

“If you’re so clever Holmes what’s this I’m drinking”?
“That’s a lemon tea (elementary) my dear Watson.”

Why do some don’t like coffee?
Because it’s not their cup of tea.

What is a web developer’s favorite tea?
URL Grey.

What’s another name for Pasta Water?

A guy was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.
After the third dip, the Priest said, “You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes.”
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water 3 times, and said, “You are now a new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!”

Why do British people pronounce the word as Bri ish?
Because they drank all the tea!

How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?
None, just some tea.

What do ducks eat with a cup of tea?

What kind of tea did the shellfish drink?
Pearl grey.

Did you hear about the dinosaur that went to the Boston tea party?
It was a Tea Wrecks.

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.
“Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?”
The bear responds, “No, I’m stuffed.”

Why does the homeless man only drink coffee?
He had no proper tea.

What two letters are liquids, but when combined make a shelter?
T and P!

Where does an alien put his tea cup?
On a flying saucer.

What is the best kind of tea to drink while reading a book?

Why is the queen of England rich?
Because of all her royal tea’s.

An old Asi*n man ordered forty-two coffees.
The waiter said, “You sure?”. He nodded yes.
The waiter poured about 7 coffees and the Asi*n starts shouting, “Stop! stop! Stop!”
The waiter was like, “What happened?!”
He repeated his order, “I want 4 tea 2 coffee.”

What tea do rich people buy?

How do wizards keep from spilling tea on their tables?

What do poor people drink in the morning?

Which tea helps dieters lose weight by making their dinners hard to find?

What is a camel’s favorite tea?

What’s a convicted fish’s favorite drink?
Gill tea.

What do you call a dentist that doesn’t like tea?

Roses are red, nuts are brown.
Skirts go up, pants go down.
Body to body, skin to skin.
When it’s stiff, just stick it in.
It goes in dry and comes out wet and the longer it’s in, the stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping and It starts to sag.
Nothing to enjoy more on Sundays than a Lipton tea bag!

What do you call a bag of tea that’s gone through the wash?

What’s the difference between an Asi*n Exercise and an Asi*n beverage?
One is Tai Chi and the other is Chai Tea.

What kind of tea do indecisive people drink?

What does a martial arts expert drink?

What was Martin Luther King Junior’s favorite drink?

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A man handed his Grandpa a sweet tea.
He took a sip and said, “Ahh, this is like having sex in a canoe.”
“Does that mean it’s good,” he asked.
“No, it’s f*cking pretty close to water.”

Why does LGBT always have to have a Q?
Is it too much to want to enjoy Lipton Grey British Tea without waiting every time?!

Why do the British love foreplay?
They love the teas.

Wife: Would you like some tea?
Husband: Tit-ty or Boo-ty?

Have you heard about viagra tea bags for Xmas?
They don’t improve your sex life. But they stop your biscuits going soft.

Do you have another funny tea bag joke? Post your tea puns in the comment section below.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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