Pigs can turn a regular day on the farm into something people keep talking about later. Between the mud, the snorting, and the nonstop hunt for food, things always feel a bit lively and slightly messy around them. Farmers often see them moving about with a kind of seriousness that makes it seem like they’ve got something important going on. Even though their routine looks simple, it somehow creates little moments that stay with you long after you’ve left.
Pig jokes come from these everyday scenes, building on those small moments and giving them a fun twist. Something as simple as a snort or a muddy situation can turn into a story people enjoy sharing again and again. Over time, these stories shape the way people talk about pigs, adding a light, playful feel to farm life. The more they’re told, the easier it becomes to find humor in the most ordinary pig moments.
Best Pig Jokes
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and one’s a yeeted ham.
What do pigs use when they get hurt?
Oink-ment.
Why was the pig covered in ink?
Because he lived in a pen!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Pig.
(Pig who?)
Pig me up at fire o’clock.
What do you call a pig that lost its voice?
Disgruntled.
How come you never see pigs hiding in trees?
Because they’re good at it.
What do you call a pig’s mother’s brother?
An Oinkle.
A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah’s Witness are lost.
They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.
“I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn,” says the Farm Owner.
The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it’s no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.
“I’m sorry, but there is a cow in the barn, and they are sacred to me.”
“No problem,” says the Rabbi, and he goes to the barn. Again though, he returns and knocks. “There is also a pig in there, and that is against our teachings.”
“I will go then, friends,” says the Jehovah’s Witness, and he proceeds to the barn. A few moments later, there is a knock at the door. It’s the cow and the pig.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.
What do you call it when a pig sneaks up on you?
A hambush!
How is a pig’s tail like 4:00 in the morning?
It’s twirly!
Why are pigs afraid of emails?
They don’t want to be marked as spam.
A blonde colors her hair red and moves to the countryside.
She meets a farmer and challenges him, “If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free.” The farmer agrees. The blonde declares that he is a farmer and wins the bet. As she’s stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says, “If I can guess your real hair color, can I get my pig back?”
What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?
A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.
Yo mama so ugly, I called her a pig yesterday, and she was flattered.
What do you call a pig on a leash?
Pulled pork.
Did you know you can bathe pigs with vodka?
It’s Absolut Hogwash.
Recommended: Ham Jokes
Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her “pig.”
The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a “pig.” Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a “pig.”
“Dave, I’m giving you a chance to walk away scot-free. However, you can no longer call Ms. Johnson a ‘pig.’ Understood?”
“Well… that doesn’t seem fai- “
“-we can let this go to trial, you can spend thousands on lawyers, but if Ms. Johnson’s attorneys can prove calling her a ‘pig’ leads to emotional damage, you’ll end up owing a lot.”
Dave paused. “OK, fine. Can I call a pig ‘Ms. Johnson’?”
The judge looked over his notes. “Yes… you may call a pig ‘Ms. Johnson’ without fear of legal recourse.”
Dave turned to Peggy and said, “Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson.”
What do you name a tricky pig?
Cunningham.
When pigs fly, where do they take off and land?
The airpork.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Pig.
(Pig who?)
Pig on someone your own size.
How do you clean a pig?
With ham sanitizer.
Where do pigs invest their money?
The slop market.
Five pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders one beer, the second pig orders two beers, the third pig orders three beers, the fourth pig orders four beers, and the fifth pig orders five beers.
The first pig drinks his beer, goes to the bathroom, and leaves. The second pig drinks both his beers, goes to the bathroom, and leaves. The third pig drinks all three of his beers, goes to the bathroom, and leaves. The fourth pig drinks all four of his beers, goes to the bathroom, and leaves. The fifth pig drinks all five of his beers, and then leaves without going to the bathroom.
“Wait a minute!” says the bartender. “Why aren’t you going to the bathroom like your four friends did? I mean, you drank more beer than any of them!”
“Because,” says the pig. “I’m the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home.”
What does Porky Pig use to wipe?
A bidet. A bidet. A bidet.
Going to see that new film about the pig without an eye.
It’s rated PG.
Recommended: Pork Jokes
How do Pigs celebrate the 4th of July?
They hold an IN DE PEN DANCE!
Why do pro-lifer’s hate wild pigs’ feet?
Because they support a boar shin!
A farmer was visited by inspectors.
They asked, “Do you have pigs?” “Yes,” the farmer said. “What do you feed them?” “Leftovers from the lunch my wife made,” he says. They fined him $500 for “mistreating animals.”
The next day, different inspectors came. “Do you have pigs?” “Yes.” “What do you feed them?” “Well, my wife cooks those delicious meals, and we eat the leftovers.” They fined him again, saying, “Aren’t you ashamed? People are starving and you’re feeding pigs gourmet food!”
On the third day, more inspectors showed up. “Do you have pigs?” “Yes.” “What do you feed them?” The farmer sighed and said, “Listen, I give each pig 20 bucks… and let them buy whatever they want.”
What has the head of a dog, the body of a pig, and the legs of a spider?
My daughter’s drawing of a snake.
Why don’t wild pigs go to parties?
Because they’re boars.
What do you call a pig that was murdered?
A ham-i-cide.
If x=y and y=z, then x=z.
Applying the same logic.
If all men are pigs. And Men and women are equal.
Then all women are pigs.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Hamboogers.
Heard about the pig lover’s favorite muscle?
It is the hamstring.
What do you call a pig in the snow?
A Pigloo.
A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.
“Hey, barkeep!” he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. “Any room for me and my friends?”
The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.
“Um…barkeep?” the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.
Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.
A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. “Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they’re all yours!”
The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.
Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.
He glances her way, gasping coyly. “Hey…I’m…Tom.”
She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. “Hi Tom, I’m Liz. And if you don’t mind me asking…” she chuckles, looking over his shoulder, “what was that all about?”
He glances back at the bar. “Yeah…sorry,” he pants. “I was hoping…to impress you, but…it turned out to be…a pretty…cheesy…pig-cup line.”
Recommended: Bacon Jokes
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork Chop.
What lunch meat is made from a pig’s shin?
Baloney.
What language do pigs speak?
Swine language.
A woman decides she’s finally going to get into shape and start jogging. She jogs for several miles and is feeling really great about herself. But then a man drives by, points out the window, and shouts, “Pig!”
The woman shouts back, “How dare you!”
Then she trips over a pig.
What do you call a group of pigs playing classical music?
A Porkhestra.
What’s the most common use of pig skin in the world?
Holding together pigs.
What do you get when you cross a pig and an oven?
Bakin’.
A man and his pig walk into a bar.
The pig has three good legs, and one wooden leg.
“Now there’s a story,” says the barman. “I’ll give you a free beer if you tell me about the pig.”
“Pig’ll ‘ave a beer too,” says the farmer.
The barman agrees, and after downing half the tankard, the farmer says, “Now, this ‘ere pig, ‘es a good pig. Faithful, loyal, better at ‘erding sheep than a dog, says me. Now I’ll tell you, we were out in the ute, and a tyre blew. Skidded off the track, and the truck rolled.
“Now, I were stuck upside down and injured, like, but pig could get out. ‘e crawled out of the window, trotted three mile over hill and through creek to get me wife, so ‘e did. And when the ambulance arrived, pig trotted all three mile back to get them to me. Is a good pig, so ‘e is. Saved me life, I reckon.”
The barman is suitably impressed, but says, “That’s a hell of a story mate, but that doesn’t explain the wooden leg.”
“Oh, that!” exclaims the farmer. “Oh, well, like I said, pig saved my life. An’ a pig like that, well, you don’t eat ‘im all at once do yer!”
If a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry?
A gun, a badge, and a “get out of jail free” card.
What do you call a pig taking a swim?
Pooled Pork.
Recommended: Cow Jokes
Where do pigs go to school?
They go to HOGwarts.
What do you call it when someone kidnaps a pig?
Yoink.
Teacher: “What can you get from a chicken?”
Student: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman swore to protect goth ham.
What do pigs learn in the army?
Ham to ham combat.
The guy who received the first pig heart transplant gave a radio interview yesterday.
I tried to listen, but I could only hear crackling.
What do you call a polite Mexican pig?
Pork favor.
A pig was born on a pig farm, and let me tell you, this was one bad pig.
He had absolutely zero respect for the rules or the rule of law. The worst part was this pig was also extremely clever and sneaky, so as soon as he came of age, he escaped from the pig farm. You’d think he would hide out to avoid being captured and brought back to the pork factory, but this pig was so nefarious that he immediately embarked on a life of crime.
He started out robbing banks and hit all the banks in town. Then he managed to launder all the funds he stole from the banks. Then he was doing mob hits just for fun. Then he was transporting narcotics across state lines. Rumor has it he was even a black market arms dealer for a spell. The police weren’t even close to catching him because, you know, who the hell suspects a pig?
The police finally put two and two together and caught him after an elaborate sting operation. But of course, he escaped police custody, stole a police helicopter, and flew off in it. Since there was no telling what he would do in a chopper, they had no choice but to shoot it down. So they brought out the big guns and downed the chopper. Then they pulled the barely alive pig from the wreckage and charged him with everything.
But then an officer approached the police chief and said, “Sir, we have a problem. In order to book the pig, he has to have a name. This pig doesn’t have a name because, well, who names a pig who was born to be bacon?”
The chief says, “Well, hell. Just give him a name so we can close this damn case.”
So the officer confers with his colleagues, then goes back to the police chief and says, “Sir, we’ve decided to name the pig Elvis.”
“Okay, fine. But why’d you choose Elvis?”
“Because, Sir…he ain’t nothing but a downed hog! Tryin’ all the crime.”
What do you call a town full of pigs?
A hamlet.
What’s warm, wet, and pink?
A pig in a hot tub.
What do pigs load their guns with?
Hammo.
A woman walks into a butcher shop.
“How much for the pig’s head?”
“Ma’am, that’s a mirror.”
Where did the guinea pig go when the pet shop exploded?
Everywhere.
Did you know that pigs are literate?
After all, why else would they have a Pen?!
Why don’t you tell pigs secrets?
Because they may squeal.
What’s a pig’s favorite sport?
Porkour.
A man steps into a pet shop and asks for something special.
“Hm, I have this dog, he can walk on two legs and count to ten. Also, he brings the newspaper and does the groceries.” “Not bad,” says the man, “how much is it?” “350 for you,” the clerk replies. “Ok, let me think. What else do you have?”
“This cat here can use the washing machine and dryer. Also, she knitted this pullover I’m wearing. A 1000 straight.” “Hmhm,” the man is wavering.
“I could offer also this parrot,” says the clerk, “he speaks five languages fluently and recites Shakespeare very nicely. 5000 though…”
“Uh, no, that’s not really what I’m looking for,” says the man. “What about him?” he points to a pot-bellied pig sitting in an armchair just staring holes in the wall. “20 grand, that’s Brian.” “20 000 bucks!” The man is flabbergasted, “What in the world can he do?!”
“To be honest,” the clerk leans over a little to the man, “I’ve never seen him do anything. But the others call him boss.”
Who’s a comedian that you think is actually a pig?
Will Burr.
Who’s the most intelligent pig in the world?
Albert Swinestein.
Why did the pig stop sunbathing?
He was bacon in the sun!
What do you call a man who looks like a pig?
Hamish.
A pig and a donkey are standing out in a farm’s field.
The pig tells the donkey, “Man, you sure have a crappy life. They take you out in the morning, have you drag carts, turn millstones, pull the plough, and after dark they feed you nothing but hay. Meanwhile, I’m just eating, sleeping and rolling around in the mud all day long, I sure am lucky not to be you.
The donkey turns towards the pig, leers at him, and replies: “Yeah. The pig that was here last year said the same thing.”
What does the Italian police do with a criminal pig?
Prosecutto.
What do pigs like to listen to?
HAM radio.
What happened when Peppa Pig accidentally walked into the meat grinder?
Peppa-roni.
What do you get when you cross a cactus and a pig?
A porky pine.
Three Farmers are raising a pig for the fair, trying to put their brains together to beat everyone else out.
One of them gets the idea to put a cork in its b*tt, “if it can’t poop, it will get huge!” So they do this, and when the fair comes, it’s the biggest pig the county has ever seen, and they win. They bring the pig back to the farm and say, “Well, we should probably take that cork out… But I sure as hell don’t want to do it.” The other two agree. They decide the best way to do this is to train a monkey to take the cork out for them. They spend a few days training the monkey, ensuring that it will go to plan.
On the day of, the first farmer stands 5 feet away, the second 15 feet away, and the last 25 feet away. They signal the monkey, and POOP just flies everywhere. The first farmer is completely covered, the second one up to his waist, and the last up to his ankles. They rush forward to dig out the first farmer, and when they do he’s laughing his head off. “Why are you laughing?? You almost died!” He wheezes back at them, “You should have seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in!!”
Why did the Albino pig have bad breath?
He has no Pig mints.
What do you call a pig with herpes?
A warthog.
What do you call a horse and a pig who live next door to each other?
Neigh boars.
What do you call an undead pig?
A hampire.
Why did the Latin-speaking pig cross the road?
To etgay to the other idesay.
What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs with 50 male deer?
One hundred sows and bucks.
A guy calls 911 and says, “I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?”
The operator replies: “If it’s still alive, put it out of its misery.”
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
“Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?”
What do you call a pig missing both hind legs?
A ham-putee.
What do you call a pig who just got back from the chiropractor?
Pulled Pork!
Why are pigs the worst drivers?
Because they always hog the road.
What do you get when you give a pig Red Bull?
Bacon wings.
A man is walking past a farm one day, and sees a farmer holding a pig up under an apple tree. Every time the farmer lifts up the pig, the pig bites off an apple.
The man walks up to the farmer. “What are you doing?”
“Feeding my pig,” says the farmer.
“Well, you know if you just shook the tree and let the apples fall to the ground, you could save a lot of time?”
The farmer shrugs, “Yeah, but what’s time to a pig?”
What type of skin disease do energetic pigs have?
Hyperpigmentation.
Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet?
Gnawnia.
What do you call a pretty pig?
Hamsome!
What do you call it when a pig digs a hole when it has nothing else to do?
A bored boar boring.
A duck sees a pig eating something.
“What are you eating?”
“A chocolate cake.”
“Why does it smell like sh*t then?”
“I’m eating it for the third time.”
If pigs are so smart…
How come 67% of them build houses from weak unstable materials?!
What do you call a pig that’s falling down a hill?
A sausage roll.
Where do cows and pigs get their meds?
At the farmacy.
At what age were pigs discovered?
The Saus Age.
God asked Adam to name the animals.
Adam began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…”
Then God said, “You must name the sea animals, too.”
Adam was tired already, so he said, “Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”
How do pigs get to the hospital?
A hambulance.
Why should you treat pigs with respect?
They’re very imporktant animals.
Yo mama so fat, when she takes a sh*t her a$$ looks like two pigs fighting over a bar of chocolate.
What do you call a farm that sells chickens and pigs?
A chicken, bacon, ranch.
What did the pig name her daughter?
Hamanda.
A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he’s instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, “What’s this supposed to do, cure me!”
What do you call a pig smoking marijuana?
A baked ham.
Who was the smartest pig?
Ein swine.
What do you call a pig on fire in England?
Burningham.
Where do pigs really come from?
Squee-den. And fishes come from Finland.
A man walks into a movie theatre and sees a pig.
Disgusted by the wild boar, the man asks, “Why is there a pig in this movie theatre?”
The pig turns around, “I liked the book.”
What would you call a potion-brewing pig in the desert?
A ham sand witch.
Where do you take a sick pig?
To the hogspital!
What’s a pig’s favorite type of bread?
Wheeeeeat wheat wheat wheat…
What was wrong with the forgetful pig?
He had hamnesia.
Do you have a funnier Pig joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
