Cows are slow, grass-powered animals with serious faces that somehow make everything they do funny. They look like they’re deep thinkers, but they’re just chewing all day. That’s why Cow Jokes are so popular. After all, just saying “cow” makes people smile without knowing why.
Cow Jokes are the kind that sneak up on you. One second you’re serious, the next you’re laughing at a cow being a four-legged lawnmower. They’re silly, quick, and perfect when you need a small dose of farm-fresh fun.
Best Cow Jokes
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
What did the cow say after he was fed?
“Moooooooooore!”
What goes “Oooooooooooooooo”?
A cow with no lips!
Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
How do cows stay up to date?
They read the moospaper.
A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them,
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn’t?
10.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Cows go.
(Cows go who?)
No idiot… Cows go moo!
It’s kind of silly we’re trying to turn plants into burgers.
Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?!
What do zombie cows say?
“Grains.”
How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning?
Medium rare.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they…. Lactose…..
What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep?
You get two animals that are in a baaaad moooood.
Why do pregnant cows have so much energy?
They’re heavily calfinated.
What’s it called when cows go from one place to another?
Mooo-vement.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo mama.
Why did the cows come back to the marijuana field?
The pot was calling the cattle back.
What do Greek cows say?
“μ.”
What does the narcissistic cow say?
“Meeeeee!”
What do cows call their clothes?
“Moo.”
What goes “ooh ooh”?
A cow with no lips.
What do you call a cow that’s stopped producing milk?
An udder failure.
This father told his daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.”
Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?”
Father chuckled, “Well, that means…”
“It’s pasture bedtime!”
This man yelled “COW!” at a woman on a bike, she flipped him off, and then ran straight into the cow.
He thought to himself, “I tried!”
What do you call the cross between a cow and a whale?
Beef whaleington.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Irene.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Wherever you left it.
What do you call a group of no cows?
Un-herd of.
What does a selfish cow say?
“Meeeeee.”
Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?
Farmer: Which one, black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: 2 litres per day.
Interviewer: Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?
Interviewer: The black one
Farmer: In the Barn
Interviewer: And the White one?
Farmer: In the Barn
Interviewer: Your cows look healthy… What do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one.. black one or white one?
Interviewer: Black one.
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer: (Annoyed) But why do you keep on asking if the black one or the white one when your answers are just the same??
Farmer: Because the black one is mine.
Interviewer: And the white one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.
In what state are most cows found in?
Solid.
My wife left me for an Indian guy.
I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk?
A milk dud.
What do you call a group of deaf cows?
Not herd.
What kind of hay do religious cows eat?
Christian Bales.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do you call a farmer that works with cows?
Coworker.
A blonde sees a cow with no horns so she asks the farmer, “Excuse me, but why wouldn’t a cow have any horns?”
The farmer replies, “Well, ma’am, there are several reasons a cow might not have horns. Firstly, some breeds just don’t have horns. Another reason is that sometimes we cut them off when a cow gets too rambunctious and too dangerous to handle and be around. Yet another reason is that sometimes when they are calves, we put a type of acid where the horns are growing, and this stops the horns from forming.”
The blonde then points and asks, “OK, but what about that cow? Why doesn’t it have any horns?” The farmer replies, “Well, ma’am, the reason why THAT particular cow has no horns is because it’s a horse.”
What do evil cows say?
“Moo ha ha.”
Leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have soft hides, rated “A”.
But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically “D” hide-rated.
Cows kill significantly more people every year than sharks.
In fact, they don’t kill any sharks at all.
How do you make Swiss cheese?
With a holey cow.
What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?
A bulldozer.
TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.
Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.
Did you hear the one about the guy who died drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, “What’s this?”
The kid says, “A picture of a cow eating grass.”
The teacher asks, “Where’s the grass?”
The kid says, “The cow ate it all.”
“Ok, then where’s the cow?”
“It left because there was no more grass.”
Why did the cow get an award?
For being outstanding in his field.
What did the cow do after he broke up with his girlfriend?
He moooooved on.
What did the farmer say when his cow gave birth to twin calves?
“Time to raise the steaks.”
What does a cow call his girlfriend?
His significant udder.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Why did the cow go on holiday?
Because it had a wee calf.
What do you get when you milk a mythical cow?
Legen-dairy.
A teacher asked Johnny, “What does a chicken give us?”
Johnny replied, “Eggs.”
“Very good, Johnny. Jessica, what does a sheep give us?”
“Wool.”
“Very good, Jessica. Robbie, what does a cow give us?”
“Homework.”
What do you call a cow that fasts during Ramadan?
Mooslim.
How do you count cows?
With cowculator.
A little calf asked if he could stay up late to watch a show…
Mama cow said, “No, it’s pasture bedtime.”
What do you call a Spanish cow that’s really hot?
Moo-y caliente.
What do you call a 4 legged animal flying at 100 miles an hour?
A cow stuck in a tornado.
Recommended: Hedgehog Jokes
What do you call a cow on a police spy mission?
A steakout.
What do you call a Russian cow?
A mos-cow.
What did the farmer name his backup cow?
Secondary.
A group of teenagers were getting into a yo mama fight.
And everyone was getting into it except the indian boy at the back.
When asked why he wouldn’t participate He replied: “I too would make fun of your mothers but in my culture disrespecting cows is frowned upon.”
What do you call it when a cow prevents one man from killing another man?
Bovine intervention.
What do you call a cow that’s twerking?
A milkshake.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you call a cow in a band?
A moosician.
What do cows use to evade detection?
Cowhide.
What is another name for a cow’s fart?
Dairy air from a derriere.
Recommended: Llama Jokes
What is a cow’s favourite Disney princess?
Moo-lan.
What game do cows play?
Moonopoly.
A farmer is milking a cow when the cow knocks over the pail and spills all the milk.
“That’s one.” The farmer says.
Later that day, the cow knocked down a fence the farmer had just repaired.
“That’s two.” The farmer says.
Early the next morning, the cow accidentally tramples some of the farmer’s carrot crops.
“That’s three.” The farmer says. And without hesitation, he gets his rifle and shoots the cow dead, right then and there.
Woken by the sound, the farmer’s wife comes running out of the house. “Why the hell did you shoot the cow, you nitwit?” She screams.
“That’s one.” The farmer warns.
What’s the other name for a hungry cow?
Lawn Mooer.
What type of magazine do cows read?
Cattlelogs.
What do you call a cow having a fit?
Beef jerky.
Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
How did the cow climb the tree?
Used the bo-vines.
What do you call it when a cow grows facial hair?
A moo-stache.
Did you hear about the cow that grew antlers?
He’s a moooooooooooose.
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A Zen Master taught two cows to be self-aware. After a moment of confusion, they started to discuss this amongst themselves.
The first one asked: “Do you think we have free will, or is the universe deterministic?”
The second answered: “Moo.”
What do the cows do when they’re bored?
Go to the moovies.
A man is served a plate of cow’s tongue for dinner.
“That’s disgusting!” he complains. “I’m not eating something that came out of a cow’s mouth. Just give me some eggs instead.”
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decaffeinated.
No villain is evil enough to stuff an explosive inside a male cow.
That’s just abominable!
What does a gay cow eat?
Haaayyyy.
What kind of magic do cows believe in?
Moodoo!
What do you call a cow in high heels and tiara?
Dairy Queen.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you use to take a cow’s temperature?
A thermoometer.
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Why don’t cows become waitresses?
They hate being tipped.
What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What do you call a muscular cow?
Beefy.
What do you call a sneaky cow?
Invisibull.
What are cows’ knees called?
Burger joints.
What do you call a royal cow?
Sir Loin.
What do you call a genetically engineered cow?
A mootant.
Did you hear about the cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
What’s a bull’s favorite subject?
Cow-culus.
Recommended: Bison Jokes
Why do cows lie down in groups?
To keep each udder warm.
What do you call a glowing cow?
Heffervescent.
A cow gets baked and goes to a casino, what’s it playing?
High steaks poker.
The cows are about to take over rulership over the earth.
It will be the beginning of a moo era!
Did you hear that story about a pig turning into a cow when it was cleaned?
Well, you didn’t, because it’s hogwash.
Why won’t cows talk to each other?
There was a lot of beef between them.
What car do rich cows drive?
A MOO-serati.
What do you call a cow that wasn’t supposed to be born?
A mis-steak.
Recommended: Adult Cow Jokes
What do you call a cow who’s always complaining?
A moaner!
Have you heard the Japanese legend about demon cows?
Actually nevermind, it sounded like a bunch of bull oni.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What did the pig say to the cow?
“Oink.”
What do cows have on their hot dogs?
Moostard.
Did y’all hear about the cow who weighed a ton??
I personally think it’s a whole lot of bull.
What do you call a hospital room specifically for scared cows?
A cow ward.
What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion?
You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.
Do you have a funny Cow Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
Why was the cow cranky?
Because it was moooo-dy.