Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
What is Clement Freud's £20 joke?
I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank a lot and his wife said, "If you ever come home drunk again, I'm going to leave you." He went out to a pub and drank a lot and threw up all over himself, and said to his friend, "If I come home like this my wife will leave me." His friend said, "I teRead more
I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank a lot and his wife said, “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you.”
See lessHe went out to a pub and drank a lot and threw up all over himself, and said to his friend, “If I come home like this my wife will leave me.”
His friend said, “I tell you what, go home and tell her somebody threw up over you and put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, show it to her and tell her he gave you this for the dry-cleaning bill.”
He comes home and his wife sees him and is furious, but he jumps in, “No, no, no, somebody threw up over me and gave me twenty-pound for the cleaning bill.”
She said, “Well, why have you got two twenty-pound notes in your hand?” And he said, “Oh the other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
Why 69 when you can 919?
I feel the others have a much better explanation. But 919 is also known as a grading system for women. 919 is the hottest you can get. The first 9 represents the face (0-9) 9 is the best. The 1 represents whether or not you would sleep with this girl (this number is either a 1 or a 0, 1 you will, 0Read more
I feel the others have a much better explanation. But 919 is also known as a grading system for women. 919 is the hottest you can get.
See lessThe first 9 represents the face (0-9) 9 is the best.
The 1 represents whether or not you would sleep with this girl (this number is either a 1 or a 0, 1 you will, 0 you won’t)
The last 9 represents this person’s body (0-9, 9 being the sexiest body and 0 being the most worst).
What's the best cheese to lure a bear out of a cave?
Camembert.
Camembert.
See lessWhat's the banana knock knock joke?
Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Banana. (Banana who?) Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Banana. (Banana who?) Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Orange. (Orange who?) ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA!
Knock, knock.
See less(Who’s there?)
Banana.
(Banana who?)
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Banana.
(Banana who?)
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Orange.
(Orange who?)
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA!
Why doesn't mistletoe grow up dogwood trees?
It's afraid of the bark.
It’s afraid of the bark.
See lessHow did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
He felt his presents.
See lessWhat was Santa's favorite subject in school?
Chemis-tree!
Chemis-tree!
See lessWhy did the snowman go to the dentist?
To fix his frostbite!
To fix his frostbite!
See lessWhat are your best Henry Kissinger jokes?
Henry Kissinger said “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” "I beg to differ" said the necrophiliac.
Henry Kissinger said “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”
See less“I beg to differ” said the necrophiliac.
What is the Got any grapes joke?
A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any grapes?" Bartender says "What? Grapes? No, this is a bar, not a fruit store. Get out, duck" The next day the duck comes back, "Got any grapes?" Bartender says "Dammit duck, I told you to get out. Quit coming here asking for grapes or I'm going to nail your bRead more
A duck walks into a bar and asks “Got any grapes?”
See lessBartender says “What? Grapes? No, this is a bar, not a fruit store. Get out, duck”
The next day the duck comes back, “Got any grapes?”
Bartender says “Dammit duck, I told you to get out. Quit coming here asking for grapes or I’m going to nail your beak to a barstool.
The next day the duck comes back, “Can I borrow a hammer?”
The bartender is furious, “What’s with you duck? Does this look like a hardware store? It’s a bar! I don’t have any hammers here!”
Duck grins, “Good. Got any grapes?”