The beach is that magical place where sand sneaks into every possible spot, waves try to knock you over like they have a personal vendetta, and seagulls act like they own the place. It’s sunny, salty, and just unpredictable enough to keep you on your toes, sometimes literally, when the sand gets hot. With all this chaos and charm, it’s no surprise people come up with endless Beach Jokes to capture the silliness of it all.
These Beach Jokes ride on the same fun energy you feel when the tide is in and your sunscreen is doing a questionable job. They take all the little dramas of the shore from awkward tan lines to overenthusiastic lifeguards and turn them into laughs. It’s like the beach itself is in on the joke, constantly tossing up new reasons to smile between the waves.

Best Beach Jokes

Did you hear the score between the ocean and the beach?
It’s tide.

Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
It was over 90 degrees.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?
A Sandy Eggo.

A gorgeous woman waved to me at the beach yesterday.
But there was no way I was swimming out that far, to talk to her.

What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?
“Oh no, Michelle!”

A castaway has been stranded on a deserted island for ten years. One day a ship finally sails past the island and the castaway flags it down. The ship pulls into the cove, the castaway hops on board, and the ship heads back out to sea.
On the way out of the cove the captain says to the castaway, “Hey, I see three beautiful huts near the beach. What are they for?”
The castaway says, “Well, the one in the center is my home.”
The captain asks, “How about the hut on the right?”
The castaway says, “That’s my church.”
The captain asks, “And the hut on the left?”
And the castaway says, “Oh, that’s the church I used to go to.”

Nobody was scared when the clown invasion started at the beach.
”I mean, it’s just one boat,” they said. ”How bad can it be?”

What do you call a witch at the beach?
A sandwich.

Knock, Knock.
(Who’s there?)
Sia.
(Sia who?)
Sia at the beach!

Why did the mathematician couple wait until their beach vacation to fill out their mortgage application?
So they could sine, cosine, and tan.

Yo mama so ugly, even the tide refuses to come in when she lays out at the beach.

Recommended: Summer Jokes

Why do they call them sandals?
Because if you wear them to the beach, sandal get in your shoes.

A grandmother takes her grandson to the beach.
The boy was splashing in the shallows when a sudden riptide carried him out to sea. The grandmother frantically started screaming for help. “Someone help! My grandson! My grandson! He’s drowning!”
Without a moment’s hesitation, the lifeguard did a soaring frontflip off his tower, rolled when he hit the sand, and sprinted into the ocean. He tore through the current as he swam toward the boy who was about to go under. The lifeguard dove beneath the surface and after what seemed like an eternity, emerged with the boy in his arms.
A small crowd had gathered on the shore as the lifeguard was performing CPR on the boy. Exhausted from retrieving the child, the lifeguard gave it all of his might. Finally, the boy coughed up water and took in a much-needed breath of air. The lifeguard fell to the sand in exhaustion as the crowd clapped and cheered for him. The boy had been saved.
When the cheers died down, the boy’s grandmother walked over to the lifeguard and said, “He had a hat…”

What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves.

What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.

What do you call a Frenchman walking on the beach?
Philippe Philoppe.

A guy dies and wakes up on a beach.
Nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him. “Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger, and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me,” he says.
The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl. He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole. The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan. “Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented… What´s that about?”
“Oh,” Satan says, “that´s for the Christians, they want it that way.”

What does a person with 2 left feet wear to the beach?
Flip-Flips.

I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn’t swim.
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.

Two dinosaurs are chilling on the beach.
Noah’s ark sails by. As the animals on the ship wave, the dinosaurs turn to each other and say, “Crap, was it today?”

Recommended: Summer Dad Jokes

What happens when you take a nap by the ocean?
You wake up with Resting Beach Face.

What kind of tan did the pilgrims get at the beach?
Puritan.

What did the tree wear to the beach?
Swimming trunks!

Three men find themselves at a beachside resort in the Caribbean, and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, “I use to run a successful business in the Midwest. One day, unfortunately, there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here.”
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, “Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately, one night there was a massive break-in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle.”
They look at the third guy. He says, “I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year, unfortunately, the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here.”
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, “How do you start a hurricane?”

I sneaked onto a beach early this morning.
The coast was clear.

What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?
“I’m bacon!”

I wanted to tell a joke about the beach.
But I’m not shore if it’s funny.

Yo mama so fat, when she farted at the beach… a whale said, “Why are you yelling?”

What do frogs wear to the beach?
Open-toad sandals.

Why is it hard to get cell reception at the beach?
No shirt, no shoes, no service!

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. Eventually, they started talking about their jobs, and why they were at the beach.
“I’m a construction worker,” said the first man. “All day long I toil in the hot, hot sun, and do so wearing very heavy clothes. It’s quite exhausting. But here, I can relax, and do so without any clothing at all.”
“I’m an accountant,” said the second man. “I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same.”
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. “What about you?” they asked. “Why are you here?”
“My doctor sent me here,” said the third man. “I’m a pickpocket.”

Why was the beach angry?
Because the sea wee’d on it.

At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.
When he wakes up, he’s going to be a tan gent.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes into the water on the beach, the sea level rises by 5 meters.

How do scientists observe gravitational waves?
They stand on the gravitational beach and watch the gravitational ocean.

Why weren’t the elephants allowed on the beach?
Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up.

What do you write on when you’re at the beach?
Sandpaper.

At a public beach, a man decides to take a swim.
As the water reaches his waist, he suddenly feels a hand grab him by the balls. A voice asks, “Plus two or minus two?” Startled, the man quickly replies, “Plus two!” The hand releases him. He rushes to the shore and checks his pants to find he now has four balls.
Determined to fix the situation, he re-enters the water. Once again, the mysterious hand grabs his now four balls and the voice asks, “Plus four or minus four?”

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?
Flop-Flops.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach. Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y, and Z. Why?
They had UV protection in front.

Recommended: Adult Beach Jokes

It was 1988. A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure, they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks, the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”
“No, she’s not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sheena, but she prefers to be called ‘shee’, and she’s selling batteries.”
“Batteries?” cried the wife.
“Yes,” he replied. “Shee sells C cells by the Seashore.”

If you’re ever stuck on an island, make a campfire on the beach.
It’s a shore-fire way to get someone’s attention.

What did the ocean say to the beach on a sunny day?
“Water you up to?”

What do pigs bring to the beach?
A surfBOARd.

A mother and her teenage son were walking on the beach.
Suddenly, the son asks, “Mom, what’s an alcoholic?”
The mother replies, “See those 2 boats in the sea? An alcoholic would see 4 instead of 2…”
Son says, “But mom, there’s only one boat.”
Mother sighs, “Damn.”

Have you heard about the guy who used to star in action movies, but nowadays he just eats garbage and hangs out by the beach?
His name is Steven Seagull.

Why do more crimes happen on clean beaches?
Because the coast is clear!

What beach do zombies like to visit?
The Dead Sea!

When did the beach realise it was losing the race?
When it was lapped by the waves.

Daddy shark is teaching baby shark how to hunt
Daddy Shark: “So, after you reach the shore, you pick your prey. They’re usually the ones swimming close to the beach in colorful swimwears.”
Baby Shark: “Got it! Then I jump them?”
Daddy Shark: “Not so fast, son. First, you swim up so your fin sticks out of the water. Then circle around your prey a few times — two or three loops usually do the trick. Make sure they can see your fin. That’s very important! Only then you dive in for your meal.”
Baby Shark: “But… why?”
Daddy Shark: Well, son. If you prefer to eat them with their shits still in, that’s your call!

Recommended: Shark Jokes

Why is it sketchy to open a business at the beach?
It’ll be a shell company.

What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?
A life-gourd.

Why did the computer go to the beach?
Surfing!

A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of Jeff’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”
Jeff replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”
“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving down the road once again. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.
“I did,” Jeff replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Why can you never go hungry at the beach?
Because of all the sand which is there.

What do you call a polar bear at the beach?
Lost.

What do you say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
“Get out of my sun.”

Why did the TV go to the beach?
To channel surf.

What do you call a bee larva at the beach?
A Bay-Bee.

Recommended: Maritime Jokes

The beach is very confident.
In fact, it is 100% shore.

Why was the beach wet?
The seaweed.

How do you get Mexican food at the beach?
You dig your feet into the sand.
Then you have buried toes.

Why do Asian birds like the beach?
That’s where they go to ming gull.

On a desert island, two sailors were discussing how to survive. The first one said, “How are we going to make it? The only things that washed up on this beach are rackets, balls, and nets that our ship was carrying. How on earth are we supposed to start a fire?“
The second one looked at all the stuff on the beach, and said, “Hey, let’s have a tennis match!“

What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
“Long time no sea!”

Why did the wave take a selfie?
For the beaches.

What does Spider-Man do at the beach?
He surfs the web.

Recommended: Fish Jokes

How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.

What do you call a Wiccan pig at the beach?
A ham sand witch.

What did the television do at the beach?
Channel surf!

Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears.
I’ll grant you three wishes,” the genie says. “There’s just one condition. I’m a lawyer’s genie, so for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the same thing, only double.”
After thinking a moment, the man says, “For my first wish, I would like $10 million.”
“Lawyers will get $20 million,” the genie reminds him.
“What else do you want?”
“I’d love to have a red Porsche,” he says. Instantly, the car appears on the beach.
“What’s your last wish?”
“Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”

What do you call a man born on the seashore?
Son of a beach.

What does a zookeeper wear at the beach?
A zucchini.

Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.

Why did the wave fail the driving test?
It kept crashing on the beach.

Recommended: Dolphin Jokes

How does the beach feel when it makes giant waves?
Swell.

How do you know if a beach is awake?
If it is conches.

Why did the chicken cross the beach?
To get to the other tide.

What kind of shoes do horses wear when they’re on the beach?
Clip Clops.

Why did the ocean break up with the beach?
Because it was too shallow.

Do you have a funny Beach Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!