Sharks are like the rock stars of the ocean. They have sharp teeth, cool moves, and zero chill. They swim around looking like they’ve got an important meeting, but really, they just want food and maybe a little personal space. Some have rows of teeth that never end, like they’ve got a dentist on speed dial. And let’s not forget how they glide through water like they own it, because, well… they kind of do.
That’s why Shark Jokes are hilarious because these sea creatures take themselves way too seriously. We’re talking about fish with fins who act like royalty, and when you toss a joke into that world, it’s pure comedy gold. Their serious faces and overdramatic entrances make them the perfect stars of funny stories. With every punchline, you’ll start to wonder if these ocean bosses have a sense of humor under all those teeth.
Best Shark Jokes
Fun Fact: Did you know if you watch JAWS backward…
It’s a very heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
Cows kill significantly more people every year than sharks.
In fact, they don’t kill any sharks at all.
Why did the shark blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
What accent does a shark have?
Finnish.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Butter.
(Butter who?)
Butter be quick, the shark is coming.
Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks.
Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.
How much RAM does a great white shark have?
A killer-bite.
What do you call it when a shark is sassy?
Sharkasm.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it was Baby Shark’s view count.
Did you hear about the group of Killer Whales that killed a Great White shark?
It was an Orcastrated attack.
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?
The slow swimmer.
Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?
It had a nosebleed.
Why do kids like “Baby Shark” so much?
They just do do do do do do do.
A shark is teaching his kid how to eat humans. He says, “Look, son. First, you swim full force at the human, but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, and again, at the last second, you turn away. Then you can go back and eat the human.”
The son looks confused and asks, “But Dad, why can’t we just eat the human the first time?”
The dad replies, “Well, you can… but why would you want to eat him when he’s still full of sh*t?”
What is a shark’s favorite charity?
The Mako wish foundation.
Recommended: Fish Jokes
I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough…
For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.
What do Tylenol and a chair made of tiny sharks have in common?
They’re both a seat of mini fins.
The seal was eaten by a shark.
It’s fate was sealed.
A Lifeguard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. “Help, shark! Help!” he cries.
The lifeguard laughs because she knows the shark will never help that man.
Why don’t sharks eat lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
An Italian shark recently had a virgin birth due to a phenomenon called “parthenogenesis.”
What I want to know is how a shark got Italian citizenship.
Why do sharks live in salt water
Because pepper water makes then sneeze.
Why do all sharks have sharp fins?
If they didn’t, they would be ‘dull-fins’.
Man 1: I have a half sister.
Man 2: Different father?
Man 1: No, shark attack.
Why did the octopus defeat the shark?
Because it was well armed.
Recommended: Shark Week Memes
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What was the shark’s favorite movie?
Eating Nemo!
Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark-infested waters?
Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn’t safe to consume!
A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he’s pouring it, the bartender asks, “So what’s the story with the leg?”
“Well, it was many a year ago,” says the pirate. “I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night.”
“That’s terrible,” says the bartender. “What about the hand?”
“Well it were the very next day,” says the pirate. “I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night.”
“Wow,” says the bartender. “So what about the eye?”
“Well it were the very next day,” says the pirate. “I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!”
“Oh man,” says the bartender. “And that blinded you?”
“Well no,” says the pirate. “But it were me first day with the hook.”
A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would be all come down to who is the better cyclist.
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach.
What do you call a loan shark sitting by himself?
Alone shark.
Why was the dolphin happy and the shark depressed?
The sharks life lacked porpoise.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What kind of vitamins do sharks eat?
Vitamin sea.
Recommended: Dolphin Jokes
A clownfish, a crab, and a shark met in the ocean.
The clownfish said, “My name is Markus, but humans usually call me Nemo”. The crab said, “My name is Philip, but humans usually call me Mr. Krabs”.
The shark said, “My name is Kevin, but humans always call me AAAAAAAH!”
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.
Cost me an arm and a leg!
What eats its victims two by two?
Noah’s Shark.
Did you hear about that new cranberry juice for sharks?
It’s called Ocean’s Prey.
What happens when you cross a shark and a snowman?
You get a frostbite!
What is the preferred meal of health-conscious sharks?
Tightrope walkers. It’s a well-balanced diet.
Two men go fishing, one has a stutter.
The man with a stutter says, “Shh ssshhh sshh”. The other man says, “What is it? Did you catch a fish?” The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says, “Spit it out”. The stuttering man says, “Ssshhh ship!!” Before the 2nd man can react, a ship crashes into their boat.
Months later, they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying “ssshhh”. The 2nd man starts panicking, thinking he’s going to get hurt again.
The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can. The stuttering man says, “Sshhh sshhh Shark!!”
What do you get if you cross a shark with an octopus?
You get a call from the research ethics board and immediate withdrawal of your funding.
Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?
They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.
What do you call it when a friend falls into a shark tank?
Chum in the water.
What did the shark sing to the stupid fish?
“Dum-dum, dum-dum, in my tum-tum…”
Recommended: Mermaid Jokes
News just in of a honeymooner killed in a shark attack off the Perth Coast. The man had been married very recently.
A police spokesman said, “Fortunately, the man did not suffer too much as he had only been married 5 days.”
A shark in Stockholm was found to be diabetic.
It had eaten too many Swedish Fish.
What do you call a man with a shark on his head?
An ambulance.
What happens when a shark becomes blind?
It can’t sea food.
What do you call a fish that can play guitar?
A riff shark.
An eccentric billionaire is throwing a lavish party with guests from all over the world.
As the party is well under way, he asks his guests to walk over to his Olympic-sized swimming pool, where he has it filled with all kinds of dangerous creatures, sharks, piranhas, crocodiles, you name it, it is there! So he tells his guests, “I will give anything to the person who is brave enough to jump in the pool and swim across!” The place falls silent as the guests only whisper amongst themselves in bewilderment. “Anything that person can dream of will be his!” the billionaire tells the guests again.
Suddenly, a large splash is heard, and a guy is seen struggling to swim through, and miraculously, he makes it across! The room erupts in cheers, and the billionaire approaches the man who swam across, and tells him, “I am a man of my word, and since you made it across, what do you desire? Money, mansions, my daughter’s hand in marriage?”
The man still visibly shaken and struggling to catch his breath replies, “I just want to know the name of the son of a bitch who pushed me in the pool!”
What does a shark call a jet-skier?
Fast food.
What did the hammerhead shark say to the people on the beach?
“Can’t touch this.”
What do Japanese sharks like to eat?
Raw-men.
Recommended: Maritime Jokes
What do you call a shark that gossips?
Gill-tea.
A shark was swimming around looking for food, and it caught a squid.
The squid says, “Don’t eat me, I’m really sick!”
So the shark says, “Fine, I won’t eat you. But I know just what to do with you…”
The shark takes the squid to his friend and says, “Here’s the sick squid I owe you.”
Did you hear about the man who had his whole left side bitten off by a shark?
He’s all right now.
What do you feed a shark that prefers preserved meats and cheeses?
A Sharkuterie board.
What do you call a large predatory fish that does comedy?
A Great Wit Shark.
In America, Martin Luther King only gets one day.
And sharks get a whole week.
It’s probably because they are great whites.
Vending machines kill more people than sharks.
I’ve never even seen a shark use a vending machine.
Why is the shark laughing inside?
Because he ate a clown fish.
What’s a sharks favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish…
One doctor bragged that he had a patient show up with 2 legs missing from a tractor accident. He fixed him all up, and he became the greatest basketball player of all time.
The next doctor bragged that he had a shark bite patient who had his arms bitten off. He fixed him up, and he became a superstar NFL quarterback.
The third doctor laughed at them and said, “Oh yeah? Well, one time I had a patient arrive after being in a catastrophic car accident. The only thing they were able to recover was his asshole and a bag of Cheetos. I sewed him back together and he went on to become the president of the United States!”
Where do sharks go on summer vacation?
Finland.
I’m allergic to sharks..
..one shark bite and it’s straight to the ER for me.
What’s the weird fleshy thing between a shark’s teeth called?
A surfer.
What kind of pants do sharks wear?
Denim…..denim…..denim….denim….denim…
What advice did the sharks receive when they had a big decision to make?
“Chews wisely.”
What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts?
Shark absorbers.
On Shark Tank.
Sharks: “What’s your idea?”
Me: “Ridiculously wide sunglasses.”
Shark 1: “I’m out.”
Shark 2: “I’m out as well.”
Hammerhead Shark: “Tell me more.”
Did you hear about the ghost shark?
It vanished into fin air.
How did the octopus beat a shark in a fight??
It was well armed!
Why did the shark eat the ship?
It wanted captain crunch for breakfast.
What would Shaq be called if he were to be a shark?
Sharkill O’Neal.
Which candy should a shark with braces avoid?
Jaw-breakers.
A shark is solving a crossword puzzle. The question is: “Predatory fish with 5 letters.” He thinks for a while but can’t come up with a word.
Then, a barracuda swims along and the shark asks, “Hey Barracuda, what do you call a predatory fish with 5 letters?” The barracuda doesn’t even stop swimming and replies, “Think about yourself, dumbass!”
The shark then, enlightened, says, “Of course, me! Bryan!”
A shark walks into a bar and the barman says, “Would you like a bite to eat?”
Shark replies, “Sure who’s on the menu?”
Do you know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks?
Because it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks. Seriously though, f*ck geese.
Why can’t sharks play flutes properly?
Because they don’t have a tuna.
What does a g@y shark eat?
Seamen.
What are sharks’ two favorite words?
Man overboard!
A fisherman catches a shark as soon as he pulls him up, the shark starts yelling, “Wait wait wait… I’m a magic shark, I can grant you wishes if you let me go.
“Alright,” says the man, “I want my pee pee to reach the floor.”
So the shark ate his legs.
What’s a shark favorite game?
Swallow the leader.
What do you call a big shark with a huge manhood?
Megalodong.
What party appetizers is made from the wombs of hammerheads and great whites?
Shark-uteri.
My wife said to me the other day, “For the last time, I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!”
She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.
Recommended: Adult Fish Jokes
What’s yellow, grey and very dangerous?
A shark in a bowl of custard.
What does a great white become while it’s eating something?
A goblin shark.
Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef?
To get to the other tide.
What do sharks get on their birthday?
Fish cakes.
How would you describe a 3-toothed shark?
Dangerish.
Do you have a funny Shark Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
