Funny Carpet Jokes That’ll Sweep You Off Your Feet

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Jessica Amlee

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Spectacular as they are, the carpets are perfect but mere passive observers of our existence and the unseen ballet of a successfully flipped pancake or a silent defeat of spilled coffee. They truly embody unsung heroes of every home, offering tender solace to our feet, ready to bear witness and lend their surfaces to all our harmless clumsiness. While carpets may appear to be only a backdrop for the drama of everyday life, they actually contain a world of humor inside their fibers.

It is not just about the dirt stains nor the storytelling part they might offer if only they had speech, but also what other lighter side carpets can stand for in life. After all, we must be gentle when walking on the soft ground of our carpets, but it’s essential to tear away the skin and dive into the laughter that lies in every corner of this house. Those funny jokes seem to be hidden at the depth of a carpet like a treasure under our feet, just waiting for us to take a step towards them.

So, the next time you look under your carpet, remember that it’s not just carpet; It’s a playground of foot-tapping, laugh-out-loud performances that make life’s ordinary moments a little more bearable. And who knows? Maybe it’s plotting its next joke, waiting for the perfect moment to jolt you into fits of laughter.

Best Carpet Jokes

Did you hear about the goldfish that could break dance on a carpet?
But it only lasted for like 20 seconds.

What do you get when you mix a car, a fly, and a pet?
A flying carpet.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room.
The bear isn’t dead it is just afraid to move.

Did you hear that Aladdin was banned from Flying Carpet Racing?
Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs.

Why shouldn’t you tell the renovators to not put carpet on your steps?
All you will get are blank stairs.

What does speedy Gonzalas put beneath his carpets?
Underlay! Underlay!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Tuft who?)
Tuft to be me, stuck under your feet all day!

Did you know that carpet stores have the fastest internet speeds in the world?
It is due to all the fiber connections in the building.

What do you call a tray full of appetizers that have fallen on the carpet?
Floor d’ouevres.

What’s a carpet’s favorite sport?

Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment.
He said, “Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?”
Larry looks at the boss and said, “Well, in August they carpeted the hallway…”

Why do carpets in white folk houses mostly need vacuuming?
Crackers always leave crumbs.

Recommended: Funny Carpet Cleaning Jokes

Why do women think men are like carpets?
If they lay them right the first time, they can walk on them for years.

What pet do you keep in your car?
A carpet.

What do you call someone who buys too many mats and carpets?
A rug addict.

Why did the carpet have no friends?
People just walked all over him.

What do you call a carpet that doesn’t talk?
Just a regular carpet.

A man comes to a carpet store and says:
“I need a rug.”
“Why so gloomy, pal? Are you going to wrap a body in it, eh?”
“I need two rugs.”

What does Marty McFly skate on that also cleans his carpet?
A hoover board.

What did the carpet say to the floor?
“Don’t move, I’ve got you covered!”

Where does a Horse go when it gets sick? A fish? A duck? A bird? A wolf? A dog?
The horsepital. The weterinarian. The ducktor. The flychologist. The dentist. On your carpet usually.

Did you hear what happened to the British rug sales during WW2.
They were all carpet bombed. Since then there’s been a blanket ban on them.

Where does a Samoan buy their carpet from?
D-Rug store.

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Standing behind her is a salesman.
“Good day, ma’am, how may I help you today?”
Flustered, she asks, “Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?”
“Madam,” he answers, “If you farted just touching it, you’re gonna sh*t when you hear the price.”

What is the carpet of choice for Eskimos?
Brrr Brrr.

Where did Julius Caesar take his rugs for stain removal?
Carpet Diem.

How did the doggie day care keep the carpets clean?
They shampoodled them twice dailey!

What did the man say to his dog after it peed on the carpet?
“That’s it, urine big trouble!”

Why don’t we park automobiles in the living room?
Cause we don’t allow carpets.

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day.
Only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the little old lady. “I haven’t got any money” and she went to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my presentation.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of grimy dirt all over her entryway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
“Well,” she said, “I hope you’ve got a good appetite because the electricity was shut off this morning.”

Which tennis player has the dirtiest carpets?
No vac Djokovic.

Why is a carpet fitter so good at dancing?
He’s always cutting the rug.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
The seamstress!
(The seamstress who?)
I’m just trying to get the carpet to match the drapes.

How do you recognize when a dog has been naughty?
It leaves a little poodle on the carpet.

One day, Bob (a carpet installer) installed this beautiful wall-to-wall carpet for Mrs. Smith.
He spent all day and did a great job. As he finished he was thinking, “I’m ready for a cigarette now!” They weren’t in his shirt pocket, and they weren’t in his vest pocket. They weren’t in his pants.
As Bob was going through all his pockets thinking, “Crap – where the hell are they?” He looked down and noticed a lump under the carpet – a single pack-sized lump in the sea of smooth white. “Oh shit,” he thought, and checking left and right to make sure Mrs Smith wasn’t looking, took out his large flat-head hammer, and smacked that lump down flat.
So, relieved the evidence was gone and he wasn’t caught, Bob went out to his truck to put his tools away, and there on the dashboard were his cigarettes.
While he was pondering this mystery, Mrs. Smith came out and asked in a concerned voice, “Have you seen Crackers, our parakeet? He gets out sometimes…”

Did you hear about the murder at the carpet factory?
Probably not, the owner swept it under the rug.

What’s the difference between you and a carpet?
A carpet will get laid.

Did you hear about the man who got fired from my job at a carpet shop?
Apparently, asking customers ‘Fancy a shag?’ is inappropriate!

Yo mama so hairy, when you were born you got carpet burn.

An Arab is shaking a carpet on the window.
A guy sees from below and asks, “What’s wrong with it? Doesn’t start?”

Why m*sturbation is like buying IKEA furniture?
At first, it sounds like a great idea. But then you’re on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you’d have just paid someone.

Do you have a funny joke about Carpet? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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