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Top 200 Chuck Norris Jokes Too Funny To Be True Fact

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Jessica Amlee

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Best Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts

In the world of martial arts and tough guys, Chuck Norris stands tall as a legend. With a career spanning decades as a martial artist, actor, and even a meme icon, Chuck has become synonymous with unbeatable strength and a stoic, unwavering demeanor. His roles in movies like “Walker, Texas Ranger” have cemented his status as the ultimate action hero, but it’s not just his roundhouse kicks that have left an impression. What really keeps the internet buzzing are the countless Chuck Norris jokes, a genre of humor all their own. These jokes aren’t just funny; they’re a testament to the larger-than-life persona that Chuck Norris embodies. He’s so tough that when he does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down!

Reading these Chuck Norris jokes is like opening a treasure chest of hilarity. These jokes play on the absurdly exaggerated powers attributed to Norris, turning him into a superhuman character capable of anything and everything. For instance, there’s a saying that Chuck Norris doesn’t read books; he stares them down until he gets the information he wants. It’s this playful exaggeration that makes the jokes so entertaining. They’re a quirky blend of admiration and fantasy, where Chuck is portrayed not just as a hero, but as an unstoppable force of nature. The humor lies in the sheer impossibility of these feats, yet somehow, they seem fitting for a man of Chuck’s mythical status. Chuck Norris jokes are a delightful, goofy way to celebrate a man who’s become an icon in both the cinematic and the meme worlds.

Funny Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today, and the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
  2. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake, after 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
  3. Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird.
  4. Chuck Norris does not have near-death experiences, death has near Chuck Norris experiences.
  5. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home from the hospital.
  6. Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return… and returned.
  7. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground. He wears them to protect the ground from his feet.
  8. Chuck Norris can pick up a missed call.
  9. Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on the shower. He just stares at it until it cries.
  10. Oedipus’ mother has a Chuck Norris complex.
  11. Chuck Norris uses one chopstick.
  12. Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss… and it looked away.
  13. Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He dares it to grow.
  14. When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.
  15. Chuck Norris doesn’t use a vibrating toothbrush. His plastic one trembles in fear.
  16. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
  17. When 911 has an emergency, it calls Chuck Norris.
  18. Knives use Chuck Norris to cut the steak.
  19. Chuck Norris got into a staring contest with the sun today. The sun blinked. 
  20. Chuck Norris counted every irrational number. once!
  21. Chuck Norris gets 4-wheel drive out of his bicycle.
  22. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
  23. Chuck Norris successfully cancelled his Comcast service.
  24. Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.
  25. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he pushes the earth down.
  26. Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.
  27. Chuck Noris once picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade with it.
  28. When Chuck Norris opens an account they have to accept his terms and conductions.
  29. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  30. Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.

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  1. When Mark Zuckerberg made Facebook, he already had a friend request from Chuck Norris.
  2. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  3. Chuck Norris can fold a fitted sheet.
  4. When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor.
  5. Chuck Norris built the house in which he was born.
  6. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  7. Chuck Norris died yesterday. No worries, he’s much better already.
  8. Do you know how giraffes were invented? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
  9. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
  10. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
  11. There are no jokes about Chuck Norris. It’s all true.
  12. Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own 2 hands.
  13. Chuck Norris cannot be googled.
  14. Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing together two pieces of ice.
  15. Before he goes to sleep, the boogey man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
  16. When Superman gets ready for bed, he puts on his Chuck Norris pajamas.
  17. Chuck Norris visited the sun and stayed for 2 nights.
  18. Guns sleep with Chuck Norris under their pillow.
  19. Chuck Norris has a polar bear rug on his floor. It’s actually a live bear but it’s too scared to move.
  20. As he lights up a cigar, the world quickly time-lapses because even time is afraid to keep Chuck Norris waiting.

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  1. Chuck Norris completed Pokemon Go. On a landline.
  2. Chuck Norris was in a knife fight. The knife lost.
  3. When Chuck Norris was born, he opened his fist, and in it was the anti-baby pill.
  4. Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The reaper is too scared to tell him.
  5. When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
  6. Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris swims through the land.
  7. Chuck Norris invented Rock and Roll.
  8. Chuck Norris can download Hardware.
  9. When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
  10. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  11. A rattlesnake once bit Chuck Norris, and after 3 days of agonizing pain, the snake finally died.
  12. Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
  13. Chuck Norris’s favorite blood donation method is 2 buckets and a fragmentation grenade.
  14. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  15. Chuck Norris’ poker face is so good that he once won the 1988 World Series of Poker despite holding a 9 of Spades, a Joker, a green Skip card from the game Uno, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, and a 2 of clubs.
  16. Chuck Norris once broke his Nokia phone.
  17. Chuck Norris once farted in the Sahara forest.
  18. Chuck Norris never won an Oscar because he is NOT acting.
  19. Chuck Norris was shot on Wednesday. They held Bullet’s funeral on Friday.
  20. Chuck Norris can cut a knife with hot butter.

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  1. Chuck Norris expects the Spanish Inquisition.
  2. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
  3. Chuck Norris can speak Japanese in French.
  4. Chuck Norris can fly, because gravity is too scared to make him obey her law.
  5. Chuck Norris assigns his teachers homework.
  6. Chuck Norris can drown fish.
  7. Chuck Norris made the Happy Meal cry.
  8. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn on the light. He turns off the dark.
  9. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  10. Chuck Norris filmed the invention of a camera.
  11. When Chuck Norris left for college, he told his father, “You’re the man of the house now.”
  12. Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting. The word ‘hunting’ implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  13. Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect 300. Without a ball. In fact he wasn’t even in a bowling alley.
  14. Chuck Norris had a paper route as a kid. There were no survivors.
  15. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  16. When Chuck Norris tells a joke about Will Smith’s wife, Will Smith slaps himself.
  17. Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination Chuck stopped all three bullets with his beard. Kennedy’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
  18. Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman’s life.
  19. Chuck Norris can get Chick-fil-A on Sundays.
  20. Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

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  1. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader; Chuck Norris would win.
  2. The toilet clogs when Chuck Norris pisses.
  3. Once a street was named after Chuck Norris, but was renamed hours later because Chuck Norris kept beating up people trying to cross the street. When asked about it, he just replied “No one crosses Chuck Norris.”
  4. There’s no such thing as tornadoes, Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.
  5. Once Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got it.
  6. Once a rumour spread that Chuck Norris had been beaten up by a pirate. This rumor was started by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates in.
  7. Chuck Norris can operate a coal grill underwater.
  8. The universe expands because everything is trying to get as far away from Chuck Norris as possible.
  9. Aliens exist and they want to invade Earth, they are merely waiting for Chuck Norris to die so that they stand a chance.
  10. Chuck Norris once destroyed the Periodic Table of Elements, because he only believes in the Element of Surprise.
  11. Chuck Norris doesn’t admire the stars. They admire him.
  12. One time Chuck Norris was pulled over, he let the cop off with a warning.
  13. Chuck Norris can leave his message BEFORE the beep!
  14. Chuck Norris puts the laughter into manslaughter.
  15. Chuck Norris’s ATM pin number is the last four digits of Pi.
  16. Chuck Norris is why the chicken crossed the road.
  17. Chuck Norris once beat a brick wall in tennis.
  18. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  19. It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  20. Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a stationary bike.
  21. When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror it breaks because nobody gets between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  22. Taxes pay Chuck Norris.
  23. Chuck Norris knows what happened to Schrodinger’s cat even with the box closed
  24. Chuck Norris can punch you in the back of the face.
  25. Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
  26. Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test. The machine confessed everything.
  27. They were going to carve Chuck Norris into Mt. Rushmore, but they found the mountain wasn’t hard enough to replicate his beard.
  28. Chuck Norris beat the Pokemon League without any Pokemon.
  29. How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.
  30. Chuck Norris once told his grandma he was full. She did not give him seconds.
  31. There’s no such thing as evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allowed to live
  32. Chuck Norris once peed in a semi truck’s gas tank. It’s now known as Optimus Prime.
  33. Sleep died in his Chuck Norris.
  34. Chuck Norris was shot today. The bullet is in critical condition.
  35. Ghosts sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  36. Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
  37. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.
  38. Chuck Norris once jumped out of a plane without parachutes. Where he landed is now called the Grand Canyon.
  39. Chuck Norris once drowned a man in a pool table.
  40. Chuck Norris schedules annual checkups to make sure his doctors are okay.
  41. When Chuck Norris was young, his parents would sleep in his bed whenever they were scared.
  42. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris.
  43. Chuck Norris’s mama is not fat.
  44. Apple and Microsoft accept Chuck Norris’ terms and conditions.
  45. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  46. When Chuck Norris plays monopoly, he influences the global economy.
  47. Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie? He played the force.
  48. The movie “Alien vs Predator” was originally titled “Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris” but the producers concluded no one would pay 10 dollars for a 15 second movie.
  49. If Chuck Norris hadn’t existed, Chuck Norris would have invented him.
  50. Chuck Norris took a CPR class. He resuscitated the dummy, who now lives in Colorado with his wife and two kids.
  51. Telling a Chuck Norris joke to Chuck Norris is dangerous. If he doesn’t like the joke you’ll be dead before you told it.
  52. Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty and killed someone in Battlefield.
  53. Why are there more Chuck Norris jokes than Bruce Lee jokes? Because Bruce Lee is not a joke.
  54. Chuck Norris won the Lifetime Achievement Award… Twice.
  55. Chuck Norris had cancer. The cancer died from Chuck Norris.
  56. Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
  57. Chuck Norris’ calendar skips April 1st, because nobody fools Chuck Norris.
  58. Chuck Norris is the reason the Apple logo has a bite out of it.
  59. They put Chuck Norris in Schroedinger’s box, and when they opened it… he was STILL both dead and alive.
  60. Chuck Norris jokes never die like Chuck Norris.
  61. Chuck Norris has a diary. It’s called the Guinness Book of World Records.
  62. What’s the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you? The Three-Hole Punch.
  63. Chuck Norris hit the longest home run in MLB history. He also caught that ball.
  64. Chuck Norris doesn’t hoard toilet paper. He’s used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the shit out of it.
  65. Why can’t Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the Internet? Because he can’t bring himself to click the “submit” button.
  66. How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades? By shaving with them.
  67. The only game Chuck Norris has ever lost was Russian Roulette. He’s lost a few times, actually.
  68. How did the first woman get into outer space? Chuck Norris came.
  69. What is Chuck Norris’s email? gmail@chucknorris.com
  70. When Chuck Norris works out on a weights machine, the machine gets stronger.
  71. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck? If a wood chuck could Chuck Norris.
  72. Chuck Norris walks into a bar. The bar says “Ouch”.
  73. Yoda used to be 6 feet tall, till he tried that Force crap on Chuck Norris.
  74. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a werewolf. When the full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
  75. Chuck Norris always plugs the USB the right way on the first try.
  76. It is impossible for Chuck Norris to have a heart attack as none of his organs are foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
  77. Chuck Norris loved cats so much he gave them 9 lives.
  78. If security agents at the airport don’t find a weapon on Chuck Norris, they give him one.
  79. Chuck Norris can set a magnifying glass on fire with an ant.
  80. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. So stop looking for him.
  81. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter asks him what the soup of the day is.
  82. Chuck Norris once scammed a Nigerian prince out of all his money.
  83. There is no norrisphobia, because fear of Chuck Norris is always rational.
  84. When Chuck Norris went to school, the teachers would raise their hands to speak to him.
  85. Chuck Norris can send a text message on a landline.
  86. Chuck Norris is the reason the oceans won’t come any further on land.
  87. Chuck Norris once won a Spelling Bee using only numbers.
  88. Chuck Norris mines Bitcoin with a pen and paper.
  89. When Chuck Norris rubs a lamp, the genie gets three wishes from him.
  90. Chuck Norris never turned in an assignment at highschool, because he never submits. He still walked away from there with a masters degree.
  91. Chuck Norris has been to hell and back twice. Once to make a deal with the Devil, and the second time to make sure the Devil paid.
  92. Chuck Norris’ dog picks up his own poop, cause Chuck Norris doesn’t take crap from anything.
  93. In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
  94. Chuck Norris wakes up his alarm clock.
  95. Before Chuck Norris was born, his mom had to pass a background check.
  96. Chuck Norris can punch a Cyclops in the eye.
  97. Chuck Norris doesn’t eat honey, he chews bees.
  98. Chuck Norris can cancel his gym membership with one phone call.
  99. Chuck Norris gives life lemons.
  100. Chuck Norris is a best-selling author. Some day he’ll get around to writing the book.
  101. Chuck Norris can see John Cena.
  102. Every individual hair in Chuck Norris beard has its own black belt.
  103. Chuck Norris found all the Nerf darts.
  104. Chuck Norris invented the doorway by walking through a wall.
  105. You can’t use Chuck Norris as a password because it is too strong.
  106. Chuck Norris once hit the lottery. It was pronounced dead at the scene.
  107. Chuck Norris can sketch your portrait with an eraser.
  108. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant the waitresses tip him.
  109. Bears play dead when Chuck Norris is around.
  110. Chuck Morris doesn’t use Face ID, he intimidates his phone to open.
  111. Chuck Norris can parallel park a train.
  112. Chuck Norris‘s keyboard doesn’t have an escape key.
  113. Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot, 7 times.
  114. Chuck Norris squeezed an oak tree back into an acorn.
  115. Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.
  116. When Chuck Norris’s mother went into labor, he drove her to the hospital.
  117. Chuck Norris’ keyboard doesn’t have a CTRL key. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  118. Chuck Norris jumped off a two storey building and landed on the third floor.
  119. Chuck Norris mines bitcoins. With a pen and paper.
  120. Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag. He potato sacks.
  121. Chuck Norris flosses with barbed wire.
  122. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep; he waits.
  123. Did you know how the ninja turtles started? Chuck Norris ate 4 turtles. By the time he crapped them out, they were 6 feet tall and knew karate.
  124. Chuck Norris once got into a sparring match with Bruce Lee. Today, scientists call this event the Big Bang.
  125. Chuck Norris once threw a party… 200 meters.
  126. Chuck Norris once donated blood to a dying man- that man is now known as Zeus.
  127. Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
  128. Chuck Norris stood next to a hydrogen bomb once, the bomb died of radiation poisoning.
  129. Chuck Norris is so tough he wipes with 40 grit sandpaper.
  130. When God gets surprised, he yells “Chuck Norris!”
  131. How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a light bulb? Chuck Norrises don’t screw in light bulbs. Chuck Norrises can see in the dark with both eyes closed.
  132. Chuck Norris once went to a fortune teller… to warn her.
  133. The Flash wasn’t able to run at the speed of light until he discovered Chuck Norris was looking for him.
  134. Chuck Norris was once attacked by a Zombie Chuck Norris. After days of suffering from infection, the zombie turned into a Chuck Norris.
  135. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

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Do you have a funny joke about Chuck Norris? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

About

Jessica Amlee

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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