Coldplay is the band your older cousin cries to while staring out of the bus window. Known for emotional songs, dreamy music videos, and a frontman who dances like he’s dodging invisible bees, Coldplay has been filling stadiums and breaking hearts since the early 2000s. They’ve gone from singing about clocks to singing about the universe, with plenty of piano and glitter along the way. That’s why people love making Coldplay jokes.
These jokes are what happens when fans and haters sit in the same room and bond over a shared sigh. You hear their songs and suddenly want to lie down and think about your ex from third grade. These jokes take all that Coldplay drama, roll it in glitter, and gently roast it like a sad marshmallow at a breakup bonfire.
Best Coldplay Band Jokes
What is the big deal about that couple hugging at Coldplay concert?
I am not really up to date with current affairs.
“Mom, how did we get rich?”
“Your dad hugged a HR lady at a Coldplay concert and i got 50% from the divorce.”
Coldplay hasn’t made a single in 4 years.
But the other day, they made 4 singles.
How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first.
Chris Martin fell into a vat of custard.
And he was all yellow.
What band is best to see during winter?
Coldplay.
I went to a Coldplay concert once.
It was paradise.
What’s the best way to make apple crumble?
Remind her that her mum’s Gwynneth Paltrow and her dad’s in Coldplay.
What do Eskimo musicians do before s*x?
Coldplay.
My friend asked me to name my top 5 Coldplay songs…
And they were all yellow.
How many dice does Coldplay use on game night?
A pair o’ dice.
A paranormal investigator who likes “Coldplay” tries to communicate with his deceased wife:
“But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me!”
Dreamt about a Samsung Refrigerator that can play songs.
Called it Coldplay.
Why were Coldplay band members never able to pass a driver’s test?
Because they were stuck in reverse.
This couple heard that Coldplay were working as decorators, so they hired them to paint their bedroom. When the wife came back in…
It was all yellow.
What did Coldplay say during their game of Farkle?
Just throw the pairaaa, pairaaa, pairaaadice.
What did Chris Martin say when his kid took a small tumble off a stump?
“The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
What’s a necrophili@c’s favourite band?
Coldplay.
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Why did the Simpsons go to the Coldplay concert?
Because they were all yellow.
Why does Chris Martin prefer the stage adaptation of Frozen?
Because it’s a cold play.
Who m@sturbates with ice?
Coldplay.
Do you have a funny Coldplay Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
Exposing someone for cheating on their spouse during a concert by putting them on the kiss cam is a cold play.