Jessica Amlee
Swifties, prepare for a musical journey filled with laughter! We’ve curated a list of Taylor Swift jokes that will not only hit the right notes, but will also have you doubled over with chuckles. We all love Taylor’s lyrics that can break our hearts and mend them all at once, but this time around, we’re here to share a lighter side of fandom.
Whether you’ve been enchanted by her music since her ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’ days or you’re a recent convert thanks to ‘Folklore’ and ‘Evermore’, these jokes are composed for all admirers of the lyrical genius that is Taylor Swift. So let’s ‘Shake It Off’ and hit the play button on humor, it’s time to have some fun!
Best Taylor Swift Jokes
Did you hear that Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday?
But he didn’t wave back. So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
Why are Taylor Swift’s songs always a hit?
Because swift never misses (pokemon).
Isn’t ending a relationship with Taylor Swift the best way to make it more public?
You get a whole album.
What is Taylor Swift’s computer password?
Iknewyouweretroublewhenyouloggedin.
Yo mama so fat, her shirt size has more X’s than Taylor Swift.
Interviewer at concert: Why do you think you’re a fan of Taylor Swift?
Fan: Idk, it’s like her music is tay-lored for me specifically!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Riverboat.
(Riverboat who?)
Riverboat young when I first saw you!
What did the mechanic do when the owner took his car to the shop after it started making this whining noise?
Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.
What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?
Bad blood.
What do you call a fast clothes maker?
Taylor Swift.
Did you know that Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift’s relationship is over after just three months because he wanted it to be more public?
Guess she wanted it to be more Loki.
Does Taylor Swift wipe after going poo?
No, she just shakes it off.
What do Taylor Swift and Avada Kedavra have in common?
They’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar.
What is Taylor Swift’s favorite vegetable?
This. Sick. Beet.
What’s the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi?
The stale Pepsi won’t write a song about me after you dump it.
A deranged fan sneaked into Taylor Swift’s dressing room.
She didn’t hear him coming.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Taylor Swift was a Swiffer Wet Jet.
Did you hear about the guy who used to be addicted to quoting Taylor Swift?
But now he thinks, “I’m finally clean.”
Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, and Jeffrey Skilling were asked what 2 + 2 is.
Swift said, “I don’t know,” and she meant it.
Mars said, “4.”
And Skilling said, “What would you like it to be?”
What do you say if you ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan?
“I knew you were trouble when you clocked in.”
What do Taylor Swift and Chinese history have in common?
They both have a Blank Space in 1989.
What did the three eggs say to Taylor Swift?
“Omelette you finish.”
Did you hear that all of Taylor Swift’s exes are collaborating on a new album?
It’s called “Maybe She’s the Problem.”
Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn’t have in her purse?
Her boyfriend’s phone number.
Yo mama so ugly, she scares off more boys than Taylor Swift.
If Taylor Swift fans are called swifties, what do we call Carrie Underwood’s fans?
Undies.
Which celebrity is known for its fast sewing capabilities?
Taylor Swift.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swi…
Beyoncé had one of the greatest knock knock jokes of all time!
What’s the difference between an argument with seamen and a popular female musician?
One’s a sailors’ tiff, the other’s a Taylor Swift.
What did Taylor Swift say when she entered a ruined building?
“I knew you were rubble when I walked in.”
Why did Taylor Swift bring a compass to the party?
Because she wanted to “find her way back with a thousand lies and a good disguise.”
Why did Taylor Swift go to art school?
Because she wanted to learn how to “Paint the town blue!”
Taylor Swift: So he calls me up and he’s all like “I still love you” and I’m like…
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Why did Taylor Swift start a bakery?
Because she always knew “Bakers gonna bake, bake, bake, bake, bake.”
Why doesn’t Taylor Swift ever get lost on a hike?
Because she always knows “the way home.”
What’s Taylor Swift’s favorite gaming console?
Wiiiiiiii are never, ever, ever getting back together!
What do John Wilkes Booth and Taylor Swift have in common?
They both know how to get a crowd going.
How do people know taylor swift had a break up?
Because that bitch releases a whole album about it
Why didn’t the vampire bite Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood.
Why did Taylor Swift bring a ladder to the studio?
Because she wanted to “reach the high notes”!
Did you hear that KFC is serving a Taylor Swift special?
It consists of two long skinny legs, two small breasts, and a left wing.
Recommended: DJ Jokes
Why doesn’t Taylor Swift have a nice ass?
She shook it off.
Why isn’t Taylor Swift a pair of congruent triangles?
Because there’s no ASS.
What’s got 10,000 legs and three pubes?
A Taylor Swift concert.
What’s weird about Taylor Swift’s songs?
She has 500 songs about blokes leaving her and 0 songs about blowjobs.
Swifties, now it’s your turn to take the mic! Got a Taylor Swift joke that’s been your crowd-pleaser? Share it in the comments below and let’s keep this laughter concert going. After all, we could all use a little more humor in our “Love Story” with Taylor!
My favorite songs are on a playlist called Taylist
I also made a shirt that says “repu-tay-tion”
I sell a bathmat with “I’m finally clean” on it
I drove a Camery for a few years that I often referred to as the Tayota
I once caught a Meowth and named it Taylor just so that I could have the option pop up for “TAYLOR used SWIFT”