50 Funny Fog Jokes to Clear Up Your Gloomy Day

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Jessica Amlee

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Fog isn’t just a fluffy blanket that cuddles the city on sleepy mornings; it’s nature’s way of hitting the snooze button. When the sun plays hide and seek, and the buildings look like they’ve forgotten to finish getting dressed, you know the fog is in town. This misty magician can turn a mundane street into a scene from a mystery novel, where every lamppost looks like it’s guarding a secret. But as much as fog can be a master of disguise, it’s also the perfect setup for some rib-tickling humor. Who knew that something so damp and grey could lead to a burst of giggles? That’s the magic of fog jokes; they sneak up on you, just like the fog itself.

Rolling into the world of fog jokes is like stepping into a comedy club where the fog is both the audience and the comedian. It’s where the punchlines are as unpredictable as the weather and where every giggle makes you feel warmer, despite the chilly mist. These jokes don’t just tickle your funny bone; they wrap around it like a foggy scarf. And the best part? Fog jokes never run out of steam. They’re like a never-ending comedy show, hosted by the clouds, written by the wind, and performed by the city. So, next time the fog visits, remember, it’s not just here to block your view, but to tickle your sense of humor too!

Best Fog Jokes

Did you hear about the guy that tried to grab a handful of fog?
He mist.

What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.

What happens when the fog lifts in Los Angeles?

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Mist who?)
Mist opportunity if you don’t open the door!

What do you call a cloud that’s afraid of heights?

How did the fog get away with murder?
The case ended in a mist trial.

A wife accused her husband of fogging up their bathroom mirror.
He explained, “But I really can’t see myself doing that.”

What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
Don’t know. It’s a Mistery.

Yo mama so ugly, they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower.

Women always find this man interesting and mysterious on the first date.
Later he said, “I knew that the fog machine under the table was a good idea!”

What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog?
“Don’t worry guys, it’s just miasma!”

What do you call a Sith lord in the fog?
Darth Vapor.

Why was the mist always confused?
Because it was never clear!

A man is walking home late one foggy night when behind him he hears:
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping…
Clappity-BUMP… Clappity-BUMP… Clappity-BUMP…
…on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH, the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…
The coffin stops.

A fog rolled in and turned this car into gold!
Must have been an alche-mist.

What did the fog say to the mist?
Two’s company, three’s a cloud.

Why did the cloud date the fog?
Cause he was so down to Earth.

What is the problem with foggy jokes?
They are often unclear.

Why did the mist fail at school?
Because it couldn’t see the point!

Owing to fog a steamer stopped at the mouth of a river.
An old lady inquired of the captain the cause of the delay.
“Can’t see up the river,” replied the officer.
“But, captain, I can see the stars overhead,” she argued.
“Yes,” said the captain gruffly, “but until the boiler busts we ain’t a-goin’ that way.”

Recommended: Funny Morning Jokes

People just don’t see the benefits of working with fog,
That’s a lot of mist opportunities.

Daughter: Dad is it foggy outside?
Father: Not sure sweety, can’t really see much outside.

What do you call an uplifting fog?

What’s a cloud’s favorite game?
Hide and mist!

A sketchy guy just came into a shop and bought six smoke machines.
The shopkeeper called the cops because he thought he must be a part of some extreme mist group.

One foggy morning on the border of England and Scotland, a Scottish voice came out from within the dense fog.
“Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen.”
The English general stationed at the border took offense and sent down 10 of his soldiers. There were sounds of a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard.
“Any one Scotsman can beat any 50 Englishmen.”
With this, the English general sent down 50 of his soldiers. The same thing, a terrible fight was ensured, and again NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice:
“Any one Scotsman can beat any 100 Englishmen.”
Same same, down went 100 of the best. NO ONE returned. An hour later:
“Any one Scotsman can beat any 1,000 Englishmen.”
By this time, the English general had enough and was about to go down himself, when he saw a lone Englishman crawling up the hill. He was battered to a pulp.
As he reached his general he said, “Don’t send any more troops down, it’s a trap! THERE’S TWO OF THEM!”

Where do clouds keep their money?
In a fog bank.

Why did the witch turn a man into a fog?
She didn’t use the spell chequer.

Recommended: Funny Cold Jokes

Why don’t weather reports talk about fog?
Because it’s not worth mist-ioning!

What do you get when a Muppet steps on a landmine?
Kermit the Fog.

What do you call a filet mignon made from clouds?
A mist steak.

What did the rising sun say to the morning dew?
“You will be mist.”

Two guys are in a helicopter.
During their flight, the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.
Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of paper, writes “WHERE ARE WE?” in huge letters on it, and holds it up for the office worker to read. The office worker grabs a sheet of paper off his desk, scribbles quickly, and holds up his response: “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”
“Okay, no problem,” says the pilot. “I know where we are. We’re over the local college and that’s the engineering school.”
“How do you know that?” asks the copilot.
“Because,” says the pilot, “the answer he gave us was technically correct but completely useless.”

What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.

Why do clouds make such bad eyewitnesses?
Because they have foggy memories!

Did you hear about the weatherman who was furious after being fired for giving too many gloomy forecasts?
No more mist and ice guy.

This foggy weather has had an effect on my ability to remember the alphabet.
I can remember A,B,C,D, and F but I misty!

Why was the fog a terrible liar?
Because you could see right through it!

A US Ship was sailing through dense fog when it saw another light.
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
CND: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Why does Demi Lovato’s driveway have a lighthouse beside it?
The end part of her drive home is usually pretty foggy.

Doctor, Doctor, every time I take a picture of myself, the bottom of the picture is always foggy. It’s making me really fed up.
That’s because you have low selfie steam.

What happens when you spray Michael Cera out of a spray bottle?
You get Ciera Mist.

What did the fog say to the light breeze?
“You clear my thoughts!”

A man gets a phone call at 2 in the morning.
He picks up the phone and listens before he starts screaming, “No I don’t know if the sea is fugging foggy”, and hangs up.
“What was that about?” The man’s wife asked.
“This guy was asking me if the coast was clear.”

What’s a bigamist?
It’s a large fog in Italy.

Why is going down on a woman similar to driving in fog?
One slip-up and you are into the a**hole in front of you.

What is the favorite position of a person with cataracts?
Foggy style.

Why did the urinal have a bad outlook?
Because it was a pissy mist.

Do you have a funny joke about fog? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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