45 Funny Gourd Jokes To Get in the Spooky Spirit

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Jessica Amlee

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Autumn is the season for leaf peeping, jack-o-lanterns, and pumpkin pie. The blazing orange globes are the season’s unmistakable icons, and terrifying jack-o’-lanterns have become a feature of Halloween celebrations worldwide. Long before pumpkin spice lattes became a coffee shop fall favorite, the fleshy gourd was a symbol of American family farms and a bountiful crop.

Still, a stack of gourds creates an eye-catching adornment for your home or yard. Decorating with gourds is quick, fun, and simple just like these jokes. And, of course, gourd decor looks gourd-geous for Halloween!

Best Gourd Jokes

Would you ever consider yourself a beautiful gourd?
Because you look smashing, pumpkin.

If tomatoes are fruit, why is there a tomato in Veggietales?
The gourd works in mysterious ways.

How do hillbilly gourds reproduce?
They pump kin.

What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?
Gourd to death.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Gourd who?
Gourd of Squid Game, open the doors now!

Why did the Mexican pumpkin have to go on a diet?
Because he was gourd-o.

Son: What do you call a bunch of indifferent pumpkins grown on a hill in Finland?
Dad: A horde of bored fjord gourds.

A town is carving pumpkins this weekend! They are going to do Groot, Drax, Rocket, and all the rest.
They’ll be their Gourd-ians of the Galaxy.

What do farmers say when they throw away the bad pumpkins?
“Gourd riddance!”

A pumpkin, a watermelon, and a seed walk into a pub.
They sidle up to the bar, and the bartender asks, “What’ll ya have?”
The watermelon pipes up, “Beers for me and the pumpkin, but just water for our friend. He’s already out of his gourd.”

What do you call an edible gourd with a cheeky disposition?
A Sass-Squash.

Did you hear about a matador who made a still-life painting?
It was a gourd by a bowl.

What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up?
Oh, My Gourd!

What was the pumpkin after he was stabbed 17 times in the chest?
He was gourd.

Who helps little pumpkins cross the street?
The crossing gourd.

Did you know that pumpkins are the most beautiful crop?
They’re absolutely gourd-geous.

Did you hear about the pumpkin who played basketball?
He was a point gourd.

What is the bounciest vegetable?
Bungee Gourd.

Did y’all hear about the state gourd of Alabama?
The pump-kin.

What instrument does a pumpkin play?
An a-gourd-ian.

A man asks his friend how to cook a gourmet meal as his family was coming over.
His American friend asks him to get three rams (A, B, C) and then put a gourd on each of the rams head in the kitchen and then see what happens.
He puts a gourd on ram A and nothing happens.
He puts a gourd on ram B and nothing happens.
As he puts the gourd on the third ram, it immediately runs to the kitchen, uses cuss words, and starts cooking food.
Amazed, he calls his friend and asks” Bro, what kind of sorcery is this? How did you know about this?”
His friend calmly says, “That’s what happens when you put a GOURD ON RAM C in a kitchen.”

Have you heard about the 3’2” man running around stealing people’s pumpkins?
Keep your gourd up.

What happens when you plant seeds of a smashed gourd?
You can have a gourden.

Recommended: Corny Halloween Jokes

Did you hear about the house which burned down after they left their Halloween pumpkin burning all night?
The owners claimed insurance but it was rejected: apparently, it was an Act of Gourd.

What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?

Why did the pumpkin lose the boxing match?
It let his gourd down.

What athlete did Canadian pumpkins traditionally root for?
Gourd-ie Howe.

What was the gourd’s favorite indoor sport?

Why are orphan gourds successful?
Because it’s either go big or go home.

A hopeless and lonely man strolls around the park.
He comes upon three distinct booths at a crossroads. One represents a church, another an orgy club, and another a cult.
“Join us,” says the person representing the church. We may promise you eternal bliss if you work hard for The Lord.”
“No, join us instead,” says the orgy club representative. We can provide you with utmost satisfaction if you work hard with your gourd.”
The man conflicted, moves his gaze to the final booth, interested in what they might have to offer.
The cult member finally retorts, “Well, we can’t offer you eternal bliss or ultimate pleasure. We can, however, guarantee that if you stick with us long enough— we’ll eventually devolve into either one of those two.

What do you call when a man slipped on a pumpkin?
It caught him off gourd.

What is the prettiest pie?
A pumpkin pie, it’s Gourd-geous.

What do you call an athletic gourd?
A jock o’ lantern.

Recommended: Jack-O-Lantern Jokes

What do you say to the man who wanted to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin?
“I’d gourd it with my life.”

Did you hear about the girls using pumpkins to summon ghosts?
It was an Ouija Gourd.

What do you call a night watchman at a pumpkin patch?
Security Gourd.

Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.

What do you call the leader of the gourds?

Why are Pumpkins fun to have at parties?
They know how to have a gourd time.

What did the orange pumpkin have to say to the green gourd?
“You look a little sick.”

What is tied to all winter squash when they are born?
The umbilical gourd.

What is black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin carrying a pumpkin.

Recommended: Autumn Jokes

Why were the two gourds so close together?
Because they had deep roots.

Why are there gourds on people’s porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.

Why do people use pumpkins as decorations during Halloween?
It is a gourd luck charm.

Have better jokes about gourd? Post your Halloween puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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