35 Funny Halloween Jokes to Bark Up Your Dog’s Spirits

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Jessica Amlee

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Halloween and dogs – a combination that can be both adorable and spooktacular. As October 31st rolls around, neighborhoods are not just filled with human ghosts, goblins, and witches, but also with four-legged Frankensteins, tiny tail-wagging vampires, and the occasional pup-mummy. Pet owners revel in the opportunity to get creative and deck out their canine companions in a myriad of costumes, transforming their usually friendly furballs into hauntingly cute Halloween entities. Whether it’s a Dachshund dressed as a hot dog or a Great Dane turned into a gentle giant ghost, dogs become an integral part of the Halloween festivities, eliciting smiles and treats (dog-friendly ones, of course!) wherever they go.

Now, onto the real treat: Halloween dog jokes that are bound to make you howl with laughter! These jokes are the perfect blend of Halloween spookiness and the undeniable charm of dogs. They capture the spirit of the season while also celebrating our favorite furry friends. So next time you see a pup parading as a pumpkin, remember there’s probably a paw-some joke just waiting to be told!

Best Halloween Jokes

Did you hear about the dog who tried to dress up as a cat but got sick at a Halloween costume party?
He said he wasn’t feline well.

For Halloween, a man is going to dress his dog up as a famous pope.
He was thinking Pope John Paw.

What kind of dog loves Halloween the most?

Have you ever dressed up your dog as a mailman for Halloween?
It bites itself.

What breed is a zombie dog?
A rott.

Why don’t pirates let dogs draw their treasure maps for them?
Because for dogs, P marks the spot.

Why do ghost dogs always haunt us by dragging their butts across the ground?
They have unfinished business.

The ghost of a dog with no tail walks into a bar after closing time.
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t retail spirits after hours.”

What did the old zombie dog say when she got a birthday bone?
“My hip!”

What do you call a dog bitten by a vampire?
A bloodhound.

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What’s a dog’s favorite holiday?
Halloween, because they’re always doing tricks for treats.

What do you call a magical dog?
A Labracadabrador.

Why did the pirate walk the plank?
Because he couldn’t afford a dog.

What’s the difference between a pumpkin and a fleshlight?
Ones a Jack-O’-Lantern, the other is a Jack-N’-Lantern.

A man was walking his dog through a graveyard.
Suddenly, there he saw a man kneeling behind a headstone.
“Morning,” the walker shouted. “No, just having a shit,” the man replied.

Have you read the book about a zombie dog?
Can’t put it down.

What has the head of a dog, the body of a pig, and the legs of a spider?
Your daughter’s drawing of a snake.

What is a pirate’s favorite kind of dog?
A golden retriever.

What was the name of the dog bitten by a radioactive spider?
Peter barker.

Spider bite created Spiderman. What would a dog’s bite create?

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What has eight legs and barks?
Two dogs.

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
“My wife’s.”
”What happened to her?”
“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”
He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”
The Italian man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men…
The Jewish man then asked, “Can I borrow the dog?”
The Italian man replied, “Get in line.”

What does a pirate tell his dog before going away on a long journey?
“Arr! Prepare to be boarded!”

What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf!

Did you know vampires are dog people?
After all, they have the biggest canines.

An alien, a lawyer, a priest, a Russian, and a dog all walk into a bar.
And the bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

A dog asks another one, “How many bones are there in a graveyard?”
“A skeleTON.” answered the other one.

What breed of dog does a ghost have?
A Yorkshee Terroror.

Why did the dog sit in the pumpkin patch?
He wanted to be a pumpkin pooch!

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What did the dyslexic zombie name his dog?

Where do bad dogs go when they die?
To eternal Dalmatian.

What do you call a pirate dog?
A Bark-aneer!

What do you get when you cross a cat with a werewolf?
A neighborhood without dogs.

What did the skeleton say to the dog?
“You wanna bone?”

Do you have a funny Halloween joke? Write down your own dog puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

1 thought on “35 Funny Halloween Jokes to Bark Up Your Dog’s Spirits”

  1. A wizard cast a spell on my big dog to shrink him and turn him into a fruit…
    Now he seems depressed, because he is a little melon collie


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