Halloween is near, and there are numerous things you can do between now and October 31 to make the night feel the most festive it has ever been. The choices are virtually limitless, from learning about the holiday’s history to arranging a party filled with scrumptious Halloween-themed treats and drinks.
And what better way to get the whole family in the Halloween spirit than by exchanging some genuinely funny Jack-O-Lantern jokes? !
Best Jack-O-Lantern Jokes
How is Joe Biden like a jack-o-lantern?
The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
How did the FBI get into Trump’s safe with facial recognition lock?
Someone had a rotting jack-o-lantern.
What’s orange, empty-headed, and tries to be scary?
A jack o’lantern!
Knock, Knock!
(Who’s there?)
Dustin.
(Dustin who?)
Dustin off last year Jack-o-lantern for you!
Why are jack-o-lanterns not good at Knock Knock jokes?
No hands.
What do you get when you divide 355 jack o’lanterns by 113 jack o’lanterns?
Pumpkin Pi.
What is a jack o lantern’s favorite pick up line?
Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!
How do you mend a broken Jack-O’-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
What do the parents call their daughter who is dressing up as a joke telling jack-o’-lantern?
“Our little pun-kin.”
Did you hear about the pumpkins that went to the gym?
They wanted to become jacked-o-lanterns.
Humpty Dumpty went to the clothing store one day in October.
He selects a good sweater, a couple of pairs of socks, a coat, and so on. He pays for them and then departs. He goes grocery shopping, purchasing milk, eggs, tuna fish, matches, and a single pumpkin. He comes across a stray cat in the cold on his way home. Feeling generous, he offers it some tuna fish and decides to take it home with him. Now that he’s home, he strikes a match and lights his fireplace, then grabs a blanket and wraps it around the cat. It goes off to sleep.
After that, he starts carving the pumpkin into a Jack o’ lantern. He clicks a photo and sends it to a friend, who rates it 10/10. He wraps himself in a blanket and lies in a chair close to the fireplace, the cat curled up in his lap.
He thinks to himself before he drifts asleep, “Humpty Dumpty has had a great fall!”
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A pumpkin says to a jack-o’-lantern, “All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don’t you want to mix it up, try something different?”
The jack-o’-lantern says, “I don’t have the guts.”
What is the difference between a pumpkin and a fleshlight?
One is a Jack-O’-Lantern, and the other is a Jack-N’-Lantern.
What do you say to a pregnant jack-o-lantern?
“Omg! You’re glowing!”
Why did the programmer buy a Jack O’ Lantern on Christmas Day?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What happened to the pumpkin when he became a Jack-o-lantern?
He was gourd to death.
How do you get seeds out of a pumpkin?
Jack-a-Lantern.
What do you call a fat jack-o’-lantern?
A plumpkin.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Recommended: Gourd Jokes
Why do jack-o-lanterns have such stupid smiles?
You’d have a stupid smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out.
Where do jack-o-lanterns live?
In the seedy part of town.
Why are jack-o-lanterns so smart?
The candle makes them bright.
A skeleton, a jack-o-lantern, and a scarecrow are hanging out in a cornfield.
The skeleton fancies the jack-o-lantern and says, “Never have I seen eyes shine as bright as yours, only adding to the beauty of such a glowing smile.”
The jack-o-lantern, however, has a crush on the scarecrow and chooses to ignore the skeleton. She admiringly tells the scarecrow, “You’re so brave! I could never do what you do, scaring all the bad things out of this field!”
Skeleton interjects “I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Jack! Don’t be so down on yourself, I’m sure you could do it!”
The jack-o-lantern insists “I really couldn’t! I just don’t have the guts.”
Scarecrow, amused at the two of them, replies to the jack-o-lantern. “Thank you. I do appreciate the compliment! I have been told I am out standing in my field. But all I can say is, “Hay, it’s in my jeans.”
Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why didn’t the jack-o-lantern get the joke?
It just couldn’t grasp it.
What did the jack-o-lantern say to the pumpkin carver?
“Cut it out.”
What are jack-o’-lanterns afraid of?
Things that go pumpkin the night.
How is a jack-o-lantern similar to Buddha?
They both have an inner light.
What time does a jack-o-lantern eat?
Once you carve out its mouth.
Which artist carves the best jack-o-lanterns?
Vincent van Gourd.
Why do jack-o-lanterns sit outside a house?
They have no hands to knock on the front door.
Why was the Jack-o-lantern so naughty?
His candle was wicked.
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What do vampires like to do with Jack-o-Lanterns?
They use them as night lights.
What do reckless Jack-o-lanterns do for fun?
Go bungee gourd jumping.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns perform so poorly in school?
Because they had all their brains scooped out.
What is black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
What do you name a pumpkin that has been carved to seem like a cow?
Jerky-O-Lantern.
Which animal loves Jack-o-lanterns?
Orange-atans.
What’s the difference between a jack-o-lantern and a redneck?
A jack-o-lantern has more teeth and is usually a little brighter.
What is the best Halloween pickup line?
“Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?”
Recommended: Frankenstein Jokes
Why did the skeleton get arrested?
He got caught trying to JACK O LANTERN!
Did you hear about the one who carved a portrait of Stephen Hawking into one as a tribute during the Jack-o’-lantern carving festival?
“What can be said, once a vegetable…”
Why did Mr. Jack O Lantern and his wife have so many kids?
Because she loved pumpkin cream pies.
What do you call a pumpkin carved before Halloween?
A pre-ejack o’lantern.
Have a better joke about Jack-O-Lantern? Surprise us with your witty puns and one-liners in the comment section below. If you want to read more jokes, follow Halloween Jokes!
