Graduation: that magical time when students transform into graduates, marking the end of a journey filled with caffeine-fueled all-nighters, last-minute cramming, and the eternal hunt for free Wi-Fi. It’s a mix of triumph and terror, as graduates swap textbooks for the uncertainty of ‘real life’. Picture a sea of caps and gowns, a parade of relieved smiles and awkwardly staged handshakes. It’s a milestone that says, “Congratulations! You’ve survived!” followed swiftly by, “Now what?” Graduation is a celebration of achievements and a leap into the unknown, where the biggest question is whether to start adulting immediately or take a well-deserved nap. In this world of new beginnings, graduation jokes find their perfect stage, ready to add some humor to the pomp and circumstance.
Graduation jokes are like the playful sibling to the solemn speeches, bringing a touch of lightness to the gravity of the occasion. They’re the comic relief in a day charged with emotions, from the teary-eyed parents to the graduates teetering on the edge of their future. Imagine a valedictorian speech peppered with witty one-liners about surviving cafeteria food or decoding professor’s emails. These jokes are a nod to the shared experiences that all students endure, turning the universal groans of academic life into a collective chuckle. Graduation jokes remind us that while the future might be uncertain, our ability to laugh together is a sure thing. It’s a way of saying, “We made it, and yes, it’s okay to laugh about it now!”
Best Graduation Jokes
What do you call someone who graduated high school with 1.8 GPA?
Officer.
What do you call someone who only graduated high school because his dad bribed someone?
Congressman.
At a high school graduation, a young man stepped up to the podium to deliver his speech. He started reading from his prepared text, telling the audience, “I want to talk about my father and the wonderful influence he has had on my life. He is a shining example of parenthood, and I love him more than words could ever do justice.”
Suddenly, the young man appeared to struggle for words, pausing for a moment. Then, with a sly grin on his face, he looked up and said, “Sorry, but it’s really hard to read my father’s handwriting.”
Did you hear about the guy who just graduated with a degree in Egyptology?
So now he is qualified to teach more students Egyptology. Beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
What do you call doctors who graduated online?
Google Docs.
When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?
They get their radians over pie and use them as degrees.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to school, her belly button graduated college.
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
“You may have graduated, but I’ve got hundreds of degrees.”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Graduate.
(Graduate who?)
Graduate-tulations on your big day!
Why did the kid want to work at KFC right after graduation?
All he said was, “It’s on my bucket list.”
Did you hear about the one who was just voted “Least Likely to Succeed” by his graduating class?
He hates being a teacher.
What did the daddy fire say to the mommy fire when their child graduated?
“That’s ar-son.”
The students first asked the smartest teacher to give the graduation speech, but he declined. The students then asked the most attractive teacher to give the graduation speech, but he declined. They then asked the most liked teacher to give the speech, but again, declined.
The students then asked me to give the speech, and I said, “I’ve already declined three times but you sure are persistent! Sure, I’ll do it.”
What would you call a graduated penny?
Pennywise.
Many Valedictorians will begin their speech by telling what success means to them.
And why not? It’s a defining moment.
Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when he couldn’t find a job after graduation?
It was a real bad after-math.
Why didn’t Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer graduate?
He went down in history.
Did you hear about the guy who graduated top of his class at gay conversion therapy?
Everyone else wanted to be bottoms.
At a college graduation party, the valedictorian is giving a speech.
The valedictorian starts, “I want to thank everyone that has supported me during my journey. It has been a wild roller coaster and no matter how hard it got I never lost my…..”
Virginity,” yells the father of the valedictorian yells.
How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes him 10 years!
Did you hear about the college graduation which was held inside the basketball arena?
Man it was hot. Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there!
What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation?
“I’m Prada you son.”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
B-4!
(B-4 who?)
B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean’s hand.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father in Law.
Did you hear about the high school valedictorian who was convicted recently as an accessory to murder?
Everyone always said he would accomplice something.
Yo mama so worthless, her graduation photo has a circle with a slash on it.
How do they determine the homecoming queen and valedictorian in Alabama high schools?
The homecoming queen is the girl with the most teeth, and the valedictorian is the person who could count them all.
A waiter approaches a table celebrating their daughter’s graduation.
The father says, “Our daughter just graduated from SCU with an English degree!”
The waiter replies, “That’s so great! Congratulations! I actually have a Master’s degree in English Literature myself. Can I get you folks started with some chips and salsa?”
Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?
He graduated with his Ph7.
How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?
He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s.
How did the volcano graduate from college?
With magma cum laude.
What do you call someone who graduated from ballet school at the top of her class?
She was named this year’s ballet-dictorian.
Why is it hard for Americans to go to Canadian colleges?
Because you must graduate High School with all Eh’s.
What is the difference between a graduate with a science, engineering, accounting, and arts degree?
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Recommended: Last Day Of School Jokes
What do you call the doctor who graduates at the bottom of the class?
Doctor.
How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?
Tip him for the pizza.
Have you heard of the 300-lb. college student from Japan?
He graduated sumo cum laude.
What do you call a column with a degree?
spoiler
A graduated cylinder.
What does a tall person say after graduating?
“I graduated at the top of my class.”
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.
They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to discover that they are to be executed the next morning – despite the fact that none of them recall what they did the night before.
The first, a redhead, is strapped into the electric chair and asked if she has any final thoughts. “I recently graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in God’s mighty power to intervene on behalf of the innocent,” she says. They flip the switch, but nothing occurs. They all quickly kneel on the floor, ask forgiveness, and release her.
The second, a brunette, is strapped in and says her farewell. “I recently graduated from Harvard Law School, and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on behalf of the innocent.” They flip the switch, but nothing occurs. They all immediately fall to their knees, beg forgiveness, and ask for her freedom.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
Did you hear about the circle that graduated?
It has 360 degrees
What kind of nut is most likely to graduate?
An academia nut.
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What do you say to someone who just graduated?
“Congraduation.”
What do you call a sheep in a graduation cap?
A scholar-sheep!
Did you hear about the kid who graduated college at 16 years old?
He’s so bright, his father calls him Son.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says, “I’m planning on going into farming, it’s what my father did and it makes good money.”
The second asks, “What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?”
“I don’t know man, there are so many fields to choose from.”
Why don’t farts ever graduate high school?
Because they always end up getting expelled.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Gladys.
(Gladys who?)
Gladys graduation day is finally here!
Did you hear about the school’s valedictorian who died?
The funeral was beautiful with confetti in the air. He passed with flying colors.
What did the tiger get when it graduated?
A certifi-cat.
What do you say to a platelet that has graduated?
“Coagulations!”
Three school friends are discussing their post-graduation lives.
The first says, “I’m a Yuppie. A Young, Urban, Professional.”
The second says, “I’m a DINK. Get it? ‘Double Income, No Kids.'”
The third, a homemaker, pauses, then says, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a WIFE. Get it? ‘Wash, Iron, F*ck, Etc.?’”
Why didn’t the barber graduate from beauty school?
He didn’t make the cut.
What do you receive when you graduate from a women’s college?
A bachelorette’s degree.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Pierre.
(Pierre who?)
Pierre, proud of you for graduating!
What do you call a metal that has graduated?
Alumni-um.
How do you know when someone from the south graduated?
They go from their cousin to their sister.
A valedictorian at a Russian university was giving his graduation speech. As a finale, the Party Secretary who was in attendance asked the young man two rehearsed questions: “Who is your mother?”
“The Party,” the young man replied.
“And who is your father?” the Party Secretary asked next.
“Lenin,” the valedictorian said.
Then, unrehearsed, the Party Secretary asked a third question: “And what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“An orphan.”
Why did the scarecrow get an honorary degree at graduation?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why were the yearbook students expelled?
They shot the whole school.
Why do graduates always smile when they get their diplomas?
It’s the first time their degree actually makes them feel warm!
Two Asi*n kids graduated from High School.
The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn’t be happier….it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.
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What do you call a distinguished university graduate who screams in bed?
Magna Cum Loudly.
What does every gynecologist have to do before graduating med school?
Study abroad.
Do you know that many famous people didn’t graduate high school?
Anne Frank for example.
Do you have another Graduation joke? Post your funny joke for graduates in the comment section below.
High school graduation: No phones, no talking, no shenanigans or the school keeps your diploma!
College graduation: Rolling in with coffee still hungover/still drunk while Snapchatting yourself walking down the aisle and dabbing after receiving your diploma!