Many people have difficulty distinguishing Asi(a)ns and their accents. There is a way to tell Asi(a)ns apart from one another. Koreans are the easiest of all Asi*ns to understand because when they speak, they sound like they’ve been smoking weed all day and more like Asi(a)n ghosts. Vietnamese people, on the other hand, sound like they’ve been doing cocaine their entire lives. Every time they say a word, they put a period after it.
When a Japanese man speaks, it comes from his diaphragm. Japanese women, whether they are 12 or 75 years old, always sound like they are 12 years old. These differences in language and accents accompanied by culture gave rise to humor. We have tried to cover this humor in these best Asi(a)n jokes. Is this not enough? Then move on to our list of Chinese jokes. Laugh and enjoy!
Best Asi(a)n Jokes
What did the Asi*n parent say to his kid when he was stung by a bee?!
“Why wasn’t it an A?!!!”
Why are Asi@n parents much harder on girls than boys?
Because girls always get an F in gender.
What Asi(a)n stereotype do you hear the most?
Sony surround sound system.
How many Asi*ns does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. A Korean to calculate the width and other measurements of the lightbulb, a Chinese kid to make the lightbulb, a Thai man to pimp the Chinese kid, a Japanese man to screw in the lightbulb, and the Japanese man’s wife to make sure he doesn’t h*ng himself from the ceiling.
Where do Asi(a)n neckbeards come from?
M’laysia.
How do you know your wife is racist?
She would be rude if you bring home an Asi(a)n girlfriend.
Three men are driving in a car.
One is white, one is Mexican, and one is Asi*n. While driving, they get into an accident and are rushed to the hospital.
The three men were in a coma when they arrived. After being admitted, the nurse found that none of the men had ID’s on them.
While thinking of what to do the doctor walks up and asks what’s the problem. The nurse says that she doesn’t know how to identify the three men.
The doctors say that, for now, they will have to get generic names. The doctor says, “This is John Doe. This is Juan Doe. This is Tae Kwon Doe.”
What happened when the son told his Asi(a)n parents that he is as*xual?
They were disappointed that he wasn’t A+s*xual.
How did the Asi(a)n rabbi extinguish his birthday candles?
He-brew.
What kind of Asi*n people do Mexicans hate the most?
The Mal-aysians.
What do you call an Asi(a)n Chihuahua?
A Konichuhuahua.
What do you call a woman who invites you to her house to eat Southeast Asi(a)n food?
The hostess with samosas.
What do you call an Asi*n man who’s always in a hurry?
Quick lee.
An Asi*n man goes to rent a car, and the clerk sees that the man’s name is Herschel Leibowitz
The clerk asks him how an Asi*n man like himself got the name Herschel Leibowitz. He responds in a heavy accent, “When I was going through immigration, we were in a line in the area where we gave our names. The name of the man in front of me was Herschel Leibowitz. When they call for me to ask me what my name is, I said, ‘Sam Ting.’”
What do you call a rich Asi(a)n?
Cha-ching.
What type of insects do Asi*n people hate?
B’s.
This man just had Asi*n food so spicy he couldn’t even get the words out to ask for water.
He was tongue-Thai’d.
What do you call a half-Mexican and half-Asi*n guy?
Thai-Juan.
Mom: Asi(a)ns are some of the safest people in the world.
Son: There are Asi(a)n gangs too.
Mom: And they’re called study groups!
What do you call a gay Asi(a)n?
A lemon.
Recommended: Gay Puns
What do you call an Asi*n person of the LGBTQ community who is addicted to video games?
Gay Ming.
What do you call people who think they should have a Japanese friend?
They are just imagine Asi(a)n.
How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asi(a)n?
Just spin him around in circles until he’s disoriented.
Did you hear about the Asi(a)n guy who said “sank you” to the one holding the door for him?
He was punched in the face for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
How do you blindfold an Asi(a)n woman?
Put a windshield in front of her.
Why can’t Asi(a)n couples have Caucasian babies?
Because two Wongs don’t make a white.
Did you hear about the new Asi(a)n girl with the last name ‘China’?
It was her made-in name.
A boyfriend and his girlfriend were lying in bed when she turned to him and said, “You’re a lot like a math exam.”
He replied, “Why? Because I’m long and hard?”
She said, “No, I’m cheating on you with an Asi(a)n.”
What do you call the standards set by the Japanese navy?
RealAsi*nShipGoals.
What do you call it when a criminal stops an Asi(a)n from defecating?
Con(stop)asi*n.
Did you know around 80% of all Asi(a)ns that move to America get cataracts?
The remaining 20% usually buy Chevrorets, Rexus, or Rincoln. Some even get Rand lover.
Recommended: Ford Jokes
Why is School like a b*ner?
It’s long and hard unless you’re Asi(a)n.
What do Americans and Asi(a)ns have in common?
They both love hot dogs.
Remember what the wise Asi(a)n man once said?
“If a dog is barking, you know it’s undercooked.”
How do you know Asi*n parents are actually very supportive of their kid’s career paths?
They let their sons and daughters pick which medical school they are going to.
Why won’t the guy buy Colgate toothpaste ever again?
It says ‘guaranteed whiteness’ after 2 weeks but It has been 4 weeks and he is still Asi*n.
An old Asi(a)n man ordered forty-two coffees.
Waiter said, “Sir, you sure?.” He nodded to signal yes.
The waiter started pouring about 7 coffees and the Asi(a)n man starts shouting, “Stop! stop! Stop!”
The waiter was startled and was like, “What happened?!”
The old man repeated his order, “I want 4 tea 2 coffee.”
Given the terms ‘crab’, ‘tuna’, ‘lobster’, and ‘Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders’, which does not fit?
Tuna. The other 3 are crushed Asi(a)n.
What is another name for an Asi(a)n assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why is it rough being born in an Asi(a)n family?
When the doctors perform a C section, dads slap them at birth for not getting an A+ section.
What do Asi(a)n cannibals eat?
Raw men.
Did you hear about the guy who asked his Asi(a)n girlfriend for 69?
She made him crunchy sweet and sour pork with double rice.
Recommended: 69 Puns
Why are Asi*ns so good at Math?
Their dogs can’t eat their homework.
What language do Asi(a)n Karen’s speak?
Demandarin.
How are Asi*ns like a box of chocolates?
They will kill your dog.
Why can’t Asi(a)n men never mast*rbate to Asi(a)n p*rn?
Because they all look like their sister.
Why did the son bring his dad an Asi(a)n h**ker instead of a neck tie on father’s day?
It’s better to buy a Thai that he’ll actually use.
How was the Asi(a)n fashion model paid?
HandsomeLee.
An Asi*n man enters a pub.
He takes a seat at the bar and begins to drink a beer. The guy next to him inquires, “Do you know kung fu, karate, or any of this nonsense?”
The Asi(a)n guy asks, “Is it because I’m Chinese that you ask?”
“No,” the other guy says. “Because you’re drinking my f*cking beer.”
Did you hear about the guy who had s*x with an Asi(a)n, a black and a white on the same night?
Perks of having a Panda.
Why don’t you ever see Golf clubs that are ‘Made in China?’
Because you can’t trust Asi(a)n Drivers.
Why do Asi(a)n girls have small b**bs?
Because only A’s are acceptable.
Recommended: T*tty Jokes
Did you hear about the employee who was fired for making too many Asi(a)n jokes?
It was the end of his Korea.
Why was the Asi(a)n disowned by his family?
For getting an A- on his test, a blood test.
In the bank, there was an old lady standing in the queue.
She was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. She was visibly irritated due to the long wait. When her turn came, she asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yuan. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?” The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.” The Asi(a)n lady says, “Fluc you white people too!!”
Did you hear about an Asi(a)n man who was thrown down a flight of stairs?
It was Wong on so many levels.
Why do Asi(a)n parents give their children short names?
More time on tests.
What do you call the process of becoming an honorary Asi(a)n?
Orientation.
What did the Asi(a)n mother say to her daughter who brought her large Irish boyfriend home?
“You bring great Shamus to this family.”
What is the Asi(a)n equivalent of John Doe?
Hu Dat.
What do you call an Asi*n bodybuilder that barely does anything?
Hardly.
An Asi(a)n guy and this girl are driving in a car.
The girl decides it would be nice of her to give the guy a bl*wjob. Both agree. She begins to remove his pants, but before she reaches his underwear, the girl looks up and asks, “Is it true what they say about Asi(a)n guys?”
He turns to her and says, “Sadly, it is.”
Then he crashes the car and they both die.
Recommended: D*ck Puns
Why is homework like a p*nis?
It’s long and hard unless you’re Asi(a)n.
What do you call an Asi(a)n with a big p*nis?
A Cock-Asi*n.
What do you call a person of Irish and Asi(a)n descent?
Rice Paddy.
Masturbating makes your d*cks smaller. Don’t believe me?
Asi*ns have really fast internet and Africa doesn’t.
Why should you leave your damaged phone in a bowl of rice overnight?
When you’re sleeping, Asi(a)ns will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun.
So there’s a black guy, a Latino guy, and an Asi*n guy all walking together!
A man walks up to them with a knife and says, “If your d*ck sizes don’t add up to 20 inches, you’re all going to get stabbed.” It measures 12 inches when the black man pulls it out. The Latino pulls it out, and it’s 7 inches long. The Asi(a)n guy pulls it out and it’s 1 inch. The man with the knife walks away, saying, “You’re all very lucky.”
“You guys are lucky I’m black,” the black guy says after the man walks away.
“You guys are lucky I’m Latino,” the Latino man continues.
The Asi(a)n guy then says, “You guys are lucky I had a boner.”
What do you call a black Asi(a)n?
Thai-rone.
What do Asi(a)n pirates do?
They fry pranes!
Who won the Asi(a)n cooking contest?
It was a Thai.
What do you call it when an Asi(a)n country tries to conquer another one?
An invasi*n.
How do you call an Asi*n kid who’s waiting for his exam results?
Anxious lee wei ting for the results.
How do you know that an Asi(a)n robbed your house?
Your homework is completed, your computer is fixed, and an hour later, they’re still trying to back out of your driveway.
A Jewish man and an Asi(a)n man walked into a bar.
“Hello, my name is Joe Chan, what’s yours?” says the Asi*n man.
“Michael Goldberg,” the Jew responds. Hey, I never forgot about you Koreans for Pearl Harbor.”
Surprised, the Asi*n man responds, “Uhhh… Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese, not Koreans, and I’m Chinese.”
“Well, what’s the difference between Chinese, Japanese, and Korean?”
“You know, I’ve never forgiven you Jews for sinking the Titanic.”
“Uhhh… but that was an iceberg.”
“Greenberg, Goldberg, iceberg, what’s the difference?” says the Asi(a)n.
A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asi(a)n woman, and a girl in a wheelchair walk into a bar.
They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book.
Recommended: No Arms No Legs Jokes
What do you call an Asi(a)n lady with one leg longer than the other?
Irene.
What do you call an Asi(a)n man with one leg?
Tai-Wan-Shu.
What do you call an Asi(a)n Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.
What do you call an Asi(a)n man who is single?
Lone lee.
Why can’t Asi(a)n play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
What do you call a disabled Asi(a)n?
Sum Ting Wong.
A manager informs a white guy, a black man, and an Asi*n man of his requirements.
“You get the goods into the van,” the white man said, motioning to him. “You will drive,” he informs the black man. “And you are in charge of supplies,” he says to the Asi(a)n man. A few hours later, while loading parcels, the white man yells to the black man, “Where the heck is the Asi(a)n man?”
The Asi(a)n man then leaps into the open and yells, “Supplies!”
What do Asi*ns say when they want to do it their way?
“It’s my way or the Huawei.”
What do Asi(a)n girls do if not poop?
They take dumplings.
What do you call an Asi(a)n man who always has correct change?
Exact Lee.
What do you call an Asi(a)n guy with a video camera?
Phil Ming.
What do you call an underpaid Asi(a)n person?
Lo Pei.
When a panda enters a restaurant, he orders a platter of bamboo.
He jumps up onto the table after finishing his dinner, pulls out two Glock 45s, and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.
When the guns are empty, he drops them and walks towards the door. “Hey!” exclaims the bartender from behind the bar. “What the hell happened, man?”
The panda responds angrily to the bartender, “Hello, I am a Panda! Look it up!” When the bartender opens his dictionary, he finds this definition for panda:
“A tree dwelling marsupial of Asi(a)n origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
What do Asi*ns do during an er*ction?
They vote.
Recommended: Voting Jokes
What’s the difference between a Coral Reef and Tienenman Square?
One’s full of crustaceans and one’s full of crushed Asi*ns.
What’s the difference between an Asi(a)n Exercise and an Asi(a)n beverage?
One is Tai Chi and the other is Chai Tea.
How do Asi(a)n bears cook their food?
With a Pan-duh.
What do you call Chinese interior decorators?
Decor Asi*ns.
A bus arrives, and two Asi(a)n men board. They take their seats and begin a lively conversation. The lady behind them initially ignores their conversation, but she listens in horror as one of the men says, “Emma come first. Then I come. Two a**es, they come together. I come again. Two a**es, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” the lady retorted angrily. “We don’t talk about our s*x lives in public in this country!”
“Hey, lady, calm down,” the man said. “All I’m doing is showing my friend how to spell Mississippi.”
Did hear about the man who keeps cracking racist Asi(a)n capital city jokes?
It’s really Hanoi-ing.
What do you call an Asi(a)n martial artist who’s into Star Wars?
A Thai fighter.
What is an Asi*n’s favorite body part?
Japa-knees.
What happens when you make an Asi(a)n girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
Do you know why Asi(a)n kids don’t believe in Santa?
Because they make all the toys.
How do you know when Asi*ns are moving into the neighborhood?
All the Mexicans start buying car insurance.
A man visits a massage parlor in search of a happy ending.
He enters and meets with his massage therapist, a middle-aged Asi(a)n woman who isn’t entirely unattractive. She leads him into the room, lights a few candles, and then exits to allow him to undress. He does so and falls asleep on the table.
She returns and starts massaging his back and buttocks, which makes him aroused. She asks him to roll over after a few minutes and notices a large bulge beneath his towel.
“Oh! You want wanky?” she asks, and the man nods emphatically. With a smile, the therapist signals to him with one finger and steps out of the room.
Thirty minutes or so pass, and the man is still lying on the table. By now, he is no longer h*rny. The therapist finally returns, and peeking her head into the room, she asks, “Are you done?”
Recommended: Physical Therapy Jokes
How do you blindfold an Asi(a)n?
With dental floss.
Why do Asi*ns have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are really bright.
How can you tell the difference between Japanese people and other Asi*n people?
Use a Geiger counter.
Where did the little Asi*n girl go when the little boy dropped by?
Everywhere.
Why do the girls in Japanese comic books dress and act so seductively?
Because they’re drawn to TemptAsi*ns.
How are Minions like Asi*ns?
They’re small. They’re yellow. They speak foreign languages. There are way, way too many of them. And they’ll make way, way more money than you thought was logical.
What do you call a dizzy Asi*n?
Disoriental.
What’s the difference between racism and Asi*ns?
Racism has many faces.
Recommended: Racist Jokes
Asi*ns are such terrible drivers
I’m beginning to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
Why do Asi(a)n kids always play tank roles in RPGs?
They’ve been beaten up by their parents so much that they’re practically immune to all attacks.
What’s squishier than a Asi*n’s d*ck?
A Scotsman’s spine.
What do you call a fat Asi*n person?
A chunk.
How did God make Asi*ns?
Ctrl+V.
If you get your phone wet, put it in a bag of rice.
It will attract the Asi*ns to come and fix it for you.
What do you call an Asi*n programmer with er*ctile dysfunction?
Microsoft.
Have a better joke about Asi*ns? Write down your Asi(a)n puns and one-liners in the comment section below!
Dweebs will be so disappointed when they arrive in Japan because not all Japanese women have H CUPS or G CUPS, they have Ramen CUPS instead.
Why are all Asi*ns skinny?
Because they don’t want dia-B-tees
What sound does an Asi*n doorbell make? Ching chong!
Did you hear about that Asi*n girl wanting to break up with her boyfriend? I think she wants to dump-ling
What’s an Asi*ns favourite Restaurant ?
Pets at Home.
Why are Asi*ns so good at Math?
Their dogs can’t eat their homework and you
know why because the dog is already eaten.
What’s a Asi*ns favourite Restaurant?
Pet C.O